Off topic: Essex 'Chav' glossary
Thread poster: Lisa Lloyd

Lisa Lloyd  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:39
English to Swedish
+ ...
Dec 2, 2004

A -Z of Chav English
ASSA COMMONS - Our Parliament Building.
ART ATTACK - Extremely perturbed, as in "Don't tell Sharon, She'll have an
art attack."
ARST - Past tense of ask. "Jordan, I must've arst ya free fazzund times to clear up yer room."
BANNSA - A person employed to deny access or eject troublemakers at a club.
"Dave's got izself a job as a bannsa."
BANTY - A chocolate and coconut snack bar.
BAVE - To wash oneself.
BOAF - The two. "Oi Dave, ooja fancy most, Sharon or Tracy?" "Boaf" is the reply.
BRANSATCH - Motor racing circuit in Kent.
CANCEL - Administrative body of a town. "Darren, wive ad annuvva letter
from the cancel."
CANTAFIT - Fake, as in money.
CHOONA - An edible fish purchased in a tin and usually prepared with mayonnaise.
CORT A PANDA - A big hamburger (smaller than an arf panda)
DAN TO URF - Sensible, practical.
DANNING STREET - Where the Prime Minister lives.
DANSTEZ - On the ground floor , where the biggest telly is.
DREKKUN - Do you consider? as in "Which dog drekkun'll win the next race?"
EFTY - Considerable. "Ere, Trace, this credit card bill's a bit efty."
EJOG - A small, spiky animal (hedgehog).
ERZ - Belonging to her.
EVVY - A big geezer who protects a smaller and more intelligent geezer,
usually for money. "My name's Frank and this is my evvy, Knuckles."
EYEBROW - Cultured, intellectual.
FANTIN - A jet of water for drinking or ornament.
FARVA - A posh way of saying Dad.
FATCHA - Margaret, British Prime Minister 1979 - 1990.
FINGY - A person or object whose name doesn't come to mind. "I ad it off
fingy last night."
FONG - Skimpy undergarment.
FOR CRYIN AT LAAD - Mild expletive showing annoyance or surprise. E.G. "For
cryin at lad, Britney, if I say Yes will you give it a rest?"
GAWON - Go on. "Gawon Darren, eat ya granny's cabbage, it'll do yer good."
GIVE IT LARGE - To be thorough or enthusiastic.
GRAND - A football stadium. "It all wennoff atside the pub near the grand."
HAITCH - Letter of the alphabet between G and I.
IBEEFA - The Spanish holiday island.
IFFY - Dubious. "Ere, Trace, I fink this bread pudding you made last munf's
a bit iffy."
INT - Indirect suggestion. " I gave Darren a sort of int that
it was time to wash iz feet."
IPS - An unknown area of a woman's body to
which chocolate travels. "That Mars Bar will go straight to me ips." JA -
you, did you. "Ja like me new airdo, Sharon."
JACKS - Five Pound note."Lend
us a jacks, wilya?"
JAFTA - Is it really necessary? "Oi mate, jafta keep doing that?"
KAF - Eating house open during the day.
KAFFY - A girl's name. LAD - Noisy. "Jordan, turn that music dan, it's too
LARJ - Enjoying oneself.
LEVVA - Material made from the skin of an animal.
LOTREE - Costs £1 for a ticket.
MA BLARCH - An arch near Hyde Park.
MAFFS - The study of numbers.
MANOR - Local area.
MINGER - An unattractive person (usually woman).
NARRA - Lacking breadth, with little margin. "Mum wannid to come rand but
changed er mind. That was a narra escape."
NARTAMEAN - Do you know what I mean? (sometimes used as janartamean).
NEEVA - Not one nor the other.
NES - National Elf Service.
OAF - A solemn declaration of truth or committment.
OLLADAY - Time taken away from home for rest and adventure.
ONNIST - Fair and just, without a lie. "I never did it, onnist."
OPPIT - Go away , as in "Oi you, oppit."
PADDA PUFF - Soft, lacking aggression. "They're alright up front but they
got a padda puff defence."
PACIFIC - Specific.
PAFFUL - Having much power or strength.
PAIPA - Sun, Mirror etc.
PANS AN ANNSIS - Imperial weight system.
PLAMMANS - A pub lunch usually made up of cheese and bread.
QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."

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Mary Lalevee  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 22:39
French to English
Thanks! Dec 2, 2004

Made me laugh out loud!

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Jeremy Smith  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 22:39
French to English
+ ...
LOL Dec 2, 2004

Yeah, s'great, innit!

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Dinny  Identity Verified
Local time: 00:39
Italian to Danish
+ ...
Even funnier for non-natives :-) Dec 2, 2004

I find myself pronouncing these word aloud two-three times before I actually catch WHAT they're supposed to mean!

Thanks! That was fun!
(maybe I should take a copy, never know what you might need some day in this job!)

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Madeleine MacRae Klintebo  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 22:39
Swedish to English
+ ...
Beautiful Dec 2, 2004

Lisa Lloyd wrote:

KAF - Eating house open during the day.

Thanks. The horrible thing is that it's not only Essex... This time of year my friend (speech & drama teacher in North London) cringes everytime her daughter starts singing "Two fausen years ago ..."

There is one more definition for
KAF - character in well-known soap, as in "Kaf sometimes worked at the kaf, nowadays Kaf's son Ian owns the kaf.


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James Calder  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 22:39
Member (2006)
Spanish to English
+ ...
Do what? Dec 2, 2004

Lisa Lloyd wrote:

QUALIDEE - Good, as in "West 'Am's new striker's qualidee."

West 'Am ain't 'ad a qualidee striker since MacAvennie 'n Cottee. Ur 'avin a larf aintcha?


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Kathinka van de Griendt  Identity Verified
Local time: 23:39
German to English
+ ...
Not only Essex Dec 2, 2004

A sign at Johannesburg Airport - "Seouff Effrikens only - customs this way" - made everyone collapse with laughter

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Local time: 22:39
Spanish to English
+ ...
Vaaal saaands Dec 2, 2004

I bit the pronunciation bit is short:

'In Chav there is only one vowel used instead of the incredibly rich and varied set used by normal people.

This is represented as /a/in phonemic script.


Aaam gaaan daaan taaan (meaning 'I am shortly to embark on a voyage to the social/commercial centre of my locale')

More examples may be found on'

Believe me, we have an epidemic of it in Kent (where I think it originated).

I'm hard pressed to understand a word they say to me in my own language sometimes.

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Charlie Bavington  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:39
French to English - warning Dec 2, 2004

This warning operates on two levels:

1. If you have a broadminded view on the place of swearing in comedy, then ensure that you have an empty bladder before clicking on the link.

2. If you don't appreciate swearing, don't click on it.

Personally, I thought it was hilarious.

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United Kingdom
Local time: 22:39
Ukrainian to English
+ ...
bloody hilarious Dec 2, 2004

printed it out and gave it to my wife to read

see 'ya


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