Off topic: The Little Translator appears in court
Thread poster: Mervyn Henderson

Mervyn Henderson  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 11:51
Member
Spanish to English
+ ...
Sep 8, 2007

The Little Translator 1:
http://www.proz.com/topic/79252

... 2:
http://www.proz.com/topic/79462

... 3:
http://www.proz.com/topic/79736

... 4:
http://www.proz.com/topic/81397

… 5:
http://www.proz.com/topic/81761

…6:
http://www.proz.com/topic/82588

WORDTOWN CHRONICLE



Curious scenes and a certain amount of confusion at the Central Court yesterday as it heard a case of disorderly conduct leading to a breach of the peace in the city by an unemployed translator, L.T., who gave his address as Holly Road.

Sergeant Ernest Hopkins, summoned to give evidence by the prosecution, reported his unit had been called to Leeson Street in the city on Wednesday evening at approximately 3 am following complaints by local residents of a disturbance. The police remonstrated with the defendant at the scene of the incident. When questioned by the defence, Mr. George Fox, as to the altercation, Sergeant Hopkins took out his notebook and read as follows:

“We were told the defendant had been throwing stones up at the window of commercial premises, a translation agency, sir. When we arrived on the scene and approached him, he was relieving himself against a lamp post and shouting while brandishing what later transpired to be a half bottle of Mundie’s wine, sir. He was shouting “Horny swanky mallypants” and, although I did not understand the actual meaning of this, the situation naturally conveyed to me the impression we were dealing with an aggressive and offensive drunk, sir, and so we proceeded ...”

“Horny swanky mallypants?” repeated the defence, to a certain amount of sniggering around the court. “It doesn’t seem so injurious to me, officer. Rather childish, perhaps, but hardly life-threatening, wouldn’t you agree?”

Sergeant Hopkins cleared his throat. “Yes, sir, ahem, but that wasn’t what the defendant had really said. He shouted it again and again, and in fact since we were none the wiser I eventually asked him to write it down, sir.”

“What?” interrupted Mr. Justice Whitbread, leaning across from the bench. “You actually asked him to write it down?”

“Yes m’lud. For the report, m’lud. In the force we have to note things down word for word, you see. Regulation 478 stroke C, subsection A, paragraph 9 (d), sir. So I gave him pen and paper, m’lud. Took ever so long to write it, too, sir. Bit of a shaky hand. Drink had obviously been taken, sir”, he finished, to the titters of the general public.

“And what did he write in the end?” asked Mr. Fox.

Sergeant Hopkins consulted his notebook again. “Honi soit qui mal y pense, sir, not the other horny mallypants thing. It’s French, sir – I looked it up at the station later. Means, er, Evil be to Him what Evil Thinks. That’s what he said”.

“WHO, Sergeant”, Mr. Fox corrected him.

Sergeant Hopkins’ brow creased over in surprise. “Who, sir? Why, the defendant, sir. I just said so” (more laughter). “Shouting it and shouting it he was, sir. While urinating, as I stated before, and …”

“No, no, Sergeant”, interrupted the defence gently, “you’re mistaken in your …”

The Sergeant’s puzzlement heightened. “No, there’s no mistake, sir, it was that bloke over there all right.” His face registered a certain amount of indignation as he added: “That’s why we’re all here in court, sir. Oh yes, we found him in faganti. A genuine faganti, sir”.

“No,” said Mr. Fox patiently, amid some open guffawing from the public gallery, “I only meant WHO as in …”

The judge banged his gavel. “Silence in court! Mr. Fox, could we possibly get on with things here? I’ve two assault and batteries, a couple of cases of fraud, four burglaries and a grievous bodily harm to hear this morning, and unless you intend to bring in Noam Chomsky as a witness on this one, I’d rather like to find time for some lunch today.”

“I’m sorry, your honour”, said the defence lawyer, hurriedly … “So, Sergeant”, he continued, “it was not more offensive, even, than the mollypants whatever-it-was you mistook it for in the first place. Rather pseudo-intellectual, in fact.”

“Yes sir, perhaps sir, if you like to call it that, sir”, said Hopkins, “but then there was the aforementioned stone-throwing and, well, after he wrote that down, he jumped back a pace, assumed a kind of martial arts stance, said something about Dodge City - along with certain lewd comments I can’t repeat here out of respect for the court, sir - and offered to take us all on, sir. It was at this point that two constables overpowered him, then we brought him down the station and booked him, and he, er, threw up in the cell, sir. That cell had just been cleaned, too, sir”, added the sergeant ruefully (general laughter around the room, and this reporter noticed some surreptitious heaving of official shoulders among the other police officers and clerks present).

“Silence, silence!”, cried the judge. “And enough of this nonsensical nincompoopery – it’s tantamount to bringing my court into disrepute. Stand up there, young fellow my lad. What have you got to say for yourself about all this?”

The defendant stood up and admitted the charge, claiming in his defence that the pressure of his first gainful employment had brought him to such extremes. He acknowledged he had been “tired and emotional” at the time but was now, he said, “fully repentant” of his conduct. He sincerely apologised to those concerned, and with all due shame begged the indulgence of the Court as a first-time offender.

The defendant was sentenced to three months’ imprisonment, suspended due to the absence of any criminal record, and bound over to keep the peace for a year and a day.


Poor Little Translator. Back home after his humiliating appearance he was still having a little difficulty remembering the sequence of events which had made such a mess of what was meant to be a celebration. Gradually he began to piece it all together again …


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Sabine Braun  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:51
Member (2006)
English to German
+ ...
Thanks Mervyn! Sep 8, 2007

I have already been wondering what happened to the Little Translator. I am so glad he's back. Just love it!

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Andres & Leticia Enjuto  Identity Verified
Argentina
Local time: 06:51
Member (2005)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Every chapter... Sep 8, 2007

...exceeds the previous one.

Thanks Mervin, and keep them coming!!!

Letty (LT's fan)


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Lori Cirefice  Identity Verified
France
Local time: 11:51
French to English
Wonderful Sep 8, 2007

Mervyn Henderson wrote:

Sergeant Hopkins consulted his notebook again. “Honi soit qui mal y pense, sir, not the other horny mallypants thing.



How do you come up with these things !! I'm sitting here laughing out loud in front of my computer screen, causing my husband to worry about my sanity .... I love LT, keep em coming !


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French Foodie  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:51
French to English
+ ...
Thank you! Sep 8, 2007

Thank you! Thank you! For giving me a much-needed laugh as I work on a Saturday night.

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Dinny  Identity Verified
Greece
Local time: 12:51
Italian to Danish
+ ...
Thanks, Mervyn ;-) Sep 8, 2007

For some strange reason (just might be workrelated) I had never met The Little Translator before, but tonight I fully enjoyed all the six previous episodes. Thank you!

Could the ProZ.com staff please organize a buzzer alarm to turn on when next chapter is released?


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Yolanda Bello  Identity Verified
Mexico
Member (2006)
English to Spanish
+ ...
Fantastic! Sep 8, 2007

Several fellow translators in Mexico City are reading this saga and love it. They are not proz members but they do send their regards.

Keep them coming!

Y


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Rafa Lombardino
United States
Local time: 02:51
Member (2005)
English to Portuguese
+ ...
Amazing work! Sep 8, 2007

Thanks, Mervyn!

I'm actually glad that I've waited to just read it all at once... I had seen the Little Translator popping up all over the place, but I didn't have the time to actually read it.

Today I was enjoying a great afternoon at a corner cafe with free wi-fi and decided to take the time to read it from the beginning. Man! I'm really impressed! Great quality work, and so realistic too! Now I'm hooked and I can't wait for the next chapter.

By the way, is it okay if I keep imagining LT as a young Tom Hanks? Specially the naive one from "Big"! LOL I'm sure he'll toughen up with all the lessons he has to learn ahead of him, reaching

I'd definitely buy the coffee mug, but I'd have tea instead, 'cause I gave up coffee about a year ago...

Keep it up, LT!


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Andrea Riffo  Identity Verified
Chile
Local time: 06:51
English to Spanish
Seems to me... Sep 9, 2007

... that we have a winner!

http://www.proz.com/topic/75368


:lol::lol:

Andrea


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- Carolina  Identity Verified
Local time: 06:51
Member
English to Spanish
+ ...
I agree with Dinny! Sep 9, 2007

Dinny wrote:

Could the ProZ.com staff please organize a buzzer alarm to turn on when next chapter is released?


Hi Mervyn,

Just add me to the list of fans of The Little Translator! I found your last chapter by chance. I was caught by the title of the forum, I opened it, I read it and I ended up reading all the episodes in a row! Thanks for including the links of the previous posts!

I just love LT and I can’t wait for the next chapter! Oh! And I will definitely buy the coffee mug!

Thank you for sharing this with us!!

Till soon!
Asimenia


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Patricia Rosas  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 02:51
Spanish to English
+ ...
best episode yet! Sep 9, 2007

Thank you, Mervyn! I can hardly wait for the next installment!

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Claire Cox
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:51
French to English
+ ...
Ditto! Sep 10, 2007

Dinny wrote:



Could the ProZ.com staff please organize a buzzer alarm to turn on when next chapter is released?


Ditto!

I nearly missed this one as I've been not working (for once) or even at my computer this weekend. What a disaster if I'd missed it.

Did I miss the story-telling lectures at Salford, Mervyn?


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ICL  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 11:51
English to Spanish
+ ...
Putting a "real" face to LT Sep 10, 2007

Rafa Lombardino wrote:

By the way, is it okay if I keep imagining LT as a young Tom Hanks? Specially the naive one from "Big"!


It's funny, Rafa, I had also thought about Tom Hanks for the LT. I guess Tom Hanks has always played all these nice heroe types and his movies are usually such a success, it's easy to think of his face when you are reading a book with a nice guy character. He is almost a bit the Jimmy Stewart of our times.

But hey, nowdays, with all these chameleonic talented actors, who knows, maybe even Gael Bernal could play the cute, naive LT, even though I get the feeling that Gael has never been the naive type in real life .

Saludos,

Ivette


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The Little Translator appears in court

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