| Pages in topic: < [1 2 3] | Off topic: Puns: The lighter side of language Thread poster: Parrot
|
|---|
Brandis (X)
Local time: 08:11
English to German
+ ...
Cilian O'Tuama wrote:
a few more...
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'. So that was nice.
Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bastard!"
A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age. 'The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well. '
A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin.
Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
For even more, just google for "cooperisms" (named after comedian Tommy Cooper) All have made me laugh. Especially when one (irish) bloke said killkenny and the other (British) double-inn. The bar was closed. Brandis
| | | | | English is a crazy language... | Feb 1, 2008 |
This is an oldie, but still makes me laugh...
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweet-breads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that ... See more This is an oldie, but still makes me laugh...
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweet-breads, which aren't sweet, are meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?
Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you can comb through the annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?
In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.
Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent?
Have you ever seen a horsefull carriage or a strapfull gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.
English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it. ▲ Collapse
| | | |
"El tiempo vuela como una flecha, la fruta vuela como una banana!. Groucho Marx.
Les paso un sitio sobre The International Banana Club:
blogs.elpais.com/mundo_insolito/2008/02/pap-pltano
Cheers!
Rosina
Giles Watson wrote: ... if you have to translate it  I would love to find a translation - in any language - for Groucho Marx's brilliant: "Time flies like and arrow; fruit flies like a banana". Cheers, Giles
| | | | | More English puns... | Jun 2, 2008 |
There once was a very large lady in our town. She wore a dress size 16. I knew her when she was young, but she had a much smaller size. Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
... See more There once was a very large lady in our town. She wore a dress size 16. I knew her when she was young, but she had a much smaller size. Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.
A man came up from behind and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window and yelled, "Pull over! Pull over!"
The lady yelled back, "No, it's a sweater!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two friends meet and one of them says:"I've taught my dog how to speak English!"
"That's impossible", says the other man."Dogs don't speak!"
"It's true! I'll show you." He turns to his dog, "How's the situation in England?"
The dog answers: "Rough, rough."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
A student asked, "What's the matter?"
"Tense," answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused, then continued, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: Rumiko, be careful your purse is open. Someone might take your money!
Rumiko: Oh, no. I left it open so I can get more money.
Teacher: How can you get more money?
Rumiko: The weather report said we would have some change in our weather!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
One day a man went to see the Mozart's tomb.
When he got there, the tomb was open and Mozart was sitting there tearing up pieces of paper.
The men asked: "What are you doing with all of your great works of music?"
Mozart repied, "I'm decomposing!".
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ▲ Collapse
| | |
|
|
|
| I forgot this one: | Jun 2, 2008 |
Once upon a time a mother skunk had two children named "In" and "Out". They were very active children and whenever In was in, Out was out. When Out was in, In was out.
One day when Out was in and In was out, the mother skunk said "Out, go out and find In and tell In to come in." Out went out to find In to bring In back in. Within a minute, Out came back in from going out and Out brought In right back in.
Amazed, the mother skunk said, "Out, you just went out to find In and brought ... See more Once upon a time a mother skunk had two children named "In" and "Out". They were very active children and whenever In was in, Out was out. When Out was in, In was out.
One day when Out was in and In was out, the mother skunk said "Out, go out and find In and tell In to come in." Out went out to find In to bring In back in. Within a minute, Out came back in from going out and Out brought In right back in.
Amazed, the mother skunk said, "Out, you just went out to find In and brought In right back in! How did you do it?"
To this, Out replied "Instinct!" [In stinked]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one works best when spoken aloud. ▲ Collapse
| | | | Jack Doughty 
United Kingdom
Local time: 07:11
Russian to English
+ ...
In memoriam | To Rosina Peixoto: Time flies, fruit flies | Jun 2, 2008 |
Sorry, you and the International Banana Club have not understood Groucho Marx's pun correctly. The first half is fine (el tiempo vuela como una flecha), but a fruit fly is a type of fly (mosca) which likes to eat bananas. So in "fruit flies like bananas" , the words "flies" and "likes" are used in different ways from how they were used in the first half.
| | | | JPW (X)
Local time: 07:11
Spanish to English
+ ...
| It's the way you tell 'em, Jack....! (but you're right of course) | Jun 2, 2008 |
I could post these all day long...
So I was in my car and driving along and my boss rang up and said: “You’ve been promoted.” And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said: “You’ve been promoted again.” And I swerved again.
And then he rang me up a third time and said: “They’ve made you Managing Director.” And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said: “What happened to you?”
So I sa... See more I could post these all day long...
So I was in my car and driving along and my boss rang up and said: “You’ve been promoted.” And I swerved.
And then he rang up a second time and said: “You’ve been promoted again.” And I swerved again.
And then he rang me up a third time and said: “They’ve made you Managing Director.” And I went into a tree.
And a policeman came up and said: “What happened to you?”
So I said, “I seem to have careered off the road.” ▲ Collapse
| | | | | Syntactic ambiguity | Jun 3, 2008 |
Jack Doughty wrote:
Sorry, you and the International Banana Club have not understood Groucho Marx's pun correctly. The first half is fine (el tiempo vuela como una flecha), but a fruit fly is a type of fly (mosca) which likes to eat bananas. So in "fruit flies like bananas" , the words "flies" and "likes" are used in different ways from how they were used in the first half.
Jack, thanks for replying!
Now I see what you mean. But is it what Groucho meant? The second half is ambiguous and so is the first part. You say it´s fine but it could also mean:
Measure the speed of flying insects like you would measure that of an arrow (thus interpreted as an imperative) - i.e. (You should) time flies as you would (time) an arrow.
Measure the speed of flying insects like an arrow would (this example is also in the imperative mood)- i.e. (You should) time flies in the same way that an arrow would (time them).
Measure the speed of flying insects that are like arrows - i.e. Time those flies that are like arrows.
Have a nice week!
Rosina
| | |
|
|
|
Paul Dixon
Brazil
Local time: 03:11
Portuguese to English
+ ...
The story of In and Out reminded me of this one, not exactly a pun in the true sense of the term but very intriguing.
The Rules of Cricket
as Explained to a foreign visitor
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out, he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and ... See more The story of In and Out reminded me of this one, not exactly a pun in the true sense of the term but very intriguing.
The Rules of Cricket
as Explained to a foreign visitor
You have two sides, one out in the field and one in.
Each man that's in the side that's in, goes out, and when he's out, he comes in and the next man goes in until he's out.
When they are all out the side that's out comes in and the side that's been in goes out and tries to get those coming in out.
Sometimes you get men still in and not out.
When both sides have been in and out including the not-outs, that's the end of the game. ▲ Collapse
| | | | Parrot
Spain
Local time: 08:11
Spanish to English
+ ...
TOPIC STARTER | Hah! They should've met my landlady... | Jun 7, 2008 |
Not a pun, but a true story:
When I was still studying, I rented a room in a 4-bedroom flat that an aging widow had let out to students. We could use the kitchen, but it was HER telly, except for the really important football matches.
In a word, she tolerated us Like, a soft spot
One day, in the middle of a Europe Cup game, sh... See more
| | | | JPW (X)
Local time: 07:11
Spanish to English
+ ...
| And as for rugby... | Jun 7, 2008 |
well, that's just a game played by men with odd-shaped balls...
| | | | | Pages in topic: < [1 2 3] | To report site rules violations or get help, contact a site moderator: You can also contact site staff by submitting a support request » Puns: The lighter side of language | Protemos translation business management system | Create your account in minutes, and start working! 3-month trial for agencies, and free for freelancers!
The system lets you keep client/vendor database, with contacts and rates, manage projects and assign jobs to vendors, issue invoices, track payments, store and manage project files, generate business reports on turnover profit per client/manager etc.
More info » |
| | Wordfast Pro | Translation Memory Software for Any Platform
Exclusive discount for ProZ.com users!
Save over 13% when purchasing Wordfast Pro through ProZ.com. Wordfast is the world's #1 provider of platform-independent Translation Memory software. Consistently ranked the most user-friendly and highest value
Buy now! » |
|
| | | | X Sign in to your ProZ.com account... | | | | | |
Login to reply/comment 
