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Is this sentence grammatically correct?
Thread poster: jyuan_us

jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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Thank you, Tom Feb 11

Tom in London wrote:
This is commercial copy that someone worked hard on. You may not LIKE commercial copy but that's a whole nother thing.

[Edited at 2019-02-11 11:50 GMT]


A great perspective.


 

jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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Thanks! Feb 11

Axel Kirch wrote:

a) The product lacks X regarding elegance.
b) The product [more than] makes up for X relying on under-the-hood hardware.
c) Readers are suggested to consider themselves fortunate due to b)


A very clear analysis.


 

Jessica Noyes  Identity Verified
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Standard phrasing Feb 11

Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.

 

jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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I was not saying the paraphrasing was better than the original sentence Feb 11

Jessica Noyes wrote:

Your paraphrasing sounded very clunky to me, so I did a Google search for "what it lacks in" + "it makes up for." It reports many examples of how this expression is used, and generally the original order used in your example is preferred. (On the first page at least, comma use is 50-50.) However, there are a couple of comments on how and why the order can be reversed.


I used paraphrasing to better understand the structure of the original sentence.


 

jyuan_us  Identity Verified
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What I have learned so far Feb 11

Thank you everybody for your comments.

This is what I have taken home from reading your posts:

"What the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance" as the object of "makes up for" was placed before the subject "it" in order to catch the reader's attention. By doing this, the author was trying to create some impact/effect.

By the way, a non-native speaker would have written the whole thing this way:

"Fortunately for you, what the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 lacks in elegance has been more than made up for with its under-the-hood hardware".

[Edited at 2019-02-11 16:26 GMT]


 

Richard Purdom  Identity Verified
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horrrrible Feb 11

Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.

As for 'Fortunately for you', it makes my flesh crawl. As do unnecessary 3-word compound adjectives!

I'd get rid of some words and say something like,
'The hardware the 12.5-inch Latitude 7270 boasts under its hood more than makes up for its chunky design'.

Commas are pretty subjective, I probably use them more than some others would.


MollyRose
 

Alistair Gainey  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:36
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Russian to English
Not selling Feb 11

Richard Purdom wrote:

Grammatically correct it may be, but the sentence is rubbish IMHO. The most important information should come first, and not as compensation for some problem with what you're trying to flog.


But this is a review, not a sales pitch. The bit at the start of the sentence is there because it follows on from the bit in the previous sentence on design.


Chris S
Andy Watkinson
acidula
 

Chris S  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Swedish to English
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OT Feb 12

Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!!

Why not?


acidula
 

Tom in London
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:36
Member (2008)
Italian to English
Explained Feb 12

Chris S wrote:

Tom in London wrote:
NO! There should not be a comma after 'elegance' !!!

Why not?


It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.


 

Chris S  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Swedish to English
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Here we go again Feb 12

Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.

I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference.

There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.


Kay Denney
Giovanni Guarnieri MITI, MIL
acidula
Josephine Cassar
Hugh Thomson
MollyRose
Richard Purdom
 

Tom in London
United Kingdom
Local time: 10:36
Member (2008)
Italian to English
Then why Feb 13

Chris S wrote:

Tom in London wrote:
It's explained in my post - which apparently you didn't finish reading.

I did. Given your shouted "NO", I thought it must be some concrete rule rather than a personal stylistic preference.

There is a clear case for a comma here to help the reader, which is the purpose of commas, and I don't think it interrupts the flow at all.


Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.


 

Chris S  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Swedish to English
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Please Feb 13

Tom in London wrote:
Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there?

Personal preference. Publisher's style guide. Oversight. Editor's whim. Who knows?
There is no hard-and-fast rule.

I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.

I assume you know that when you adopt this patronising tone it makes you look silly.


acidula
sam@fr-uk
Josephine Cassar
Jan Truper
Irene McClure
 

Lincoln Hui  Identity Verified
Hong Kong
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Commercial copy Feb 13

Tom in London wrote:

Then why did the writer of the text not put a comma there? I assume you know that commercial copy is always checked many times before it's published.

This isn't a commercial copy.


 
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