Ayuda con plegaria en inglés
Thread poster: xxxValeria_2323

xxxValeria_2323
Argentina
Local time: 17:44
English to Spanish
Aug 23, 2010

Hola, espero estar en el foro correcto

Solamente quería consultar sobre esta plegaria, ya que en inglés me parece un poco difícil de entender y quería saber si estoy en lo cierto con respecto a mi traducción al español.

No dejo mi pregunta en KudoZ, porque es muy extensa.

El original dice así:

To love is to know;
To know is to give;
To give is to live;

To live is to breathe;
To breathe nothing dies;
To die without love;
To live nothing tried


Sólo quería consultar de las 3 últimas líneas... ¿Son "figures of speech" o les falta algo?
Mi intento es:

Vivir es respirar
Respirar para no morir
Morir sin amor
Vivir en vano (o tal vez "es haber vivido en vano")


Me gustaría una opinión sobre mi intento, a ver si coinciden con mi versión. Desde ya, muchas gracias.

[Editado a las 2010-08-23 18:19 GMT]


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Ana Resende  Identity Verified
Brazil
Local time: 17:44
German to Portuguese
+ ...
Working language and Forum Aug 23, 2010

Hi Valeria_2323
I've moved your post to the Literary/Poetry Forum. Our working language here is English, next time do you mind writing in English?
Hope you'll get some interesting comments on your question!
Best,
Ana Resende


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xxxValeria_2323
Argentina
Local time: 17:44
English to Spanish
TOPIC STARTER
Ok Aug 23, 2010

Thanks, Ana. Next time I will start the topic in English, sorry

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Werner Maurer  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 13:44
Spanish to English
+ ...
three lines Aug 23, 2010

Your translation sounds good, reads nicely. You obviously had to make a guess as to the author's meaning, but I guess that's unavoidable sometimes. The only other alternative would be to simply translate those three lines as they stand. That would leave things as open to interpretation in the translation as in the original, and sometimes that might be the wisest course of action, but they might come out sounding less poetic. The ideal, of course, would be to have acess to the author, to backtranslate for them to see if you understood them right.

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Werner Maurer  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 13:44
Spanish to English
+ ...
P.S. Aug 23, 2010

P.S. Those three lines are, I admit, kind of incomprehensible, the grammar and syntax are pretty convoluted, and even the punctuation makes it seem like the author intended each line to be a self-contained thought. There are definitely NOT any sort of idioms in them.

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xxxValeria_2323
Argentina
Local time: 17:44
English to Spanish
TOPIC STARTER
Thanks! Aug 24, 2010

Werner: Thank you very much for your comments!! They have been a great help. As I am not a native speaker of English, I needed to corroborate it.

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Graham Allen-Rawlings  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 22:44
Spanish to English
+ ...
remember the haikus? Aug 24, 2010

In your original question in the kudoz section I mentioned that the poems translated there were Haiku, with a peculiar rhythmic structure of 5,7,5 syllables.
Here you have something similar with each line of the poem constricted gramatically by the fact that each line has five syllables, something that ideally should be reflected in the translation whenever possible, IMHO.
Again...just to make the task that little more demanding


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