Off topic: Very funny stuff - Rules for writing
Thread poster: Luisa Ramos, CT

Luisa Ramos, CT  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 20:05
Member (2004)
English to Spanish
Oct 21, 2008

If this was posted before I still think it is worth a second laugh. Thanks to Nadia D, of English-Spanish-Translators.Org

Rules for writing

Verbs has to agree with their subjects.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.

It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

Also, always avoid annoying alliteration.

Be more or less specific.

Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary.

Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies.

No sentence fragments.

Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used.

Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.

One should never generalize.

Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

Don't use no double negatives.

Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

One-word sentences? Eliminate.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

The passive voice is to be ignored.

Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas.

Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

Do not use multiple exclamation points NOR all caps for emphasis!!!

Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them.

Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth shaking ideas.

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly.

Puns are for children, not groan readers.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

Who needs rhetorical questions?

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

The passive voice should never be used.

Do not put statements in the negative form.

A writer must not shift your point of view.

Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.

Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.

Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing.

Always pick on the correct idiom.

The adverb always follows the verb.

Be careful to use the rite homonym.

And last...
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.


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Shouguang Cao
China
Local time: 08:05
Member (2007)
English to Chinese
+ ...
interesting Oct 21, 2008

I once saw a piece of writing where not a single word is correctly spelled, and yet there is no problem understanding it. The conclusion: who needs correct spelling?

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unaldi  Identity Verified
Local time: 03:05
Member (2007)
Italian to Turkish
+ ...
Really nice!! Oct 21, 2008

Thanks for the lovely break from work

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PAS  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:05
English to Polish
+ ...
Passive voice Oct 21, 2008

So, should the passive voice be ignored or never used?

Pawel Skalinski


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Giuseppina Gatta, MA (Hons)
Member (2005)
English to Italian
+ ...
When I want to have a good laugh... Oct 21, 2008

...I turn on my "Check grammar" option in Words (the Italian version).
Whoever wrote those "suggestions" has no clue of Italian grammar whatsoever...


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Steve Booth  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:05
Member (2007)
English to Arabic
+ ...
correct spelling? Oct 21, 2008

Dallas Cao wrote:

I once saw a piece of writing where not a single word is correctly spelled, and yet there is no problem understanding it. The conclusion: who needs correct spelling?


was this the one???

Aoccdrnig to rseerach at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

PS: Hwo'd yuo lkie to run tihs by yuor sepll ckehcer?


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Shouguang Cao
China
Local time: 08:05
Member (2007)
English to Chinese
+ ...
Thank you Emandan Oct 22, 2008

Emandan wrote:

Dallas Cao wrote:

I once saw a piece of writing where not a single word is correctly spelled, and yet there is no problem understanding it. The conclusion: who needs correct spelling?


was this the one???

Aoccdrnig to rseerach at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

PS: Hwo'd yuo lkie to run tihs by yuor sepll ckehcer?



I think this is it. It tried to find it on the internet and failed. Thank you for helping me out.


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Very funny stuff - Rules for writing

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