Thread poster: Graciela Carlyle

Graciela Carlyle  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:27
English to Spanish
+ ...
Dec 15, 2003

Someone sent me this today and I found it so good...!!


For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon".

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer!

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Maria Belarra  Identity Verified
Local time: 16:27
French to Spanish
+ ...
Lovely Dec 15, 2003

I'm one of the ones running in only 5% of roads (actually 10%) so you can imagine my love for MS.. It's so good, thank you!

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Sarah Downing  Identity Verified
Local time: 10:27
German to English
+ ...
This is so true ... Dec 16, 2003

It's a shame about Macs though - I have a Mac and a PC. The Mac is so much more reliable, but I just wish they were more compatible!

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United Kingdom
Local time: 15:27
Dutch to English
+ ...
recent? Dec 16, 2003

I love that one, but it is at least 5 years old (the first time I read it was 5 years ago) and probably older. I think it is a classic that is going to keep on hunting the internet. What do you think of these:

"Here are 16 actual (I don't know about this. Maybe someone in Japan can confirm or deny?) error messages seen on the computer screens in Japan, where some are written in Haiku. Aren't these better than "your computer has performed an illegal operation"?

The Web site you seek cannot be located,
but countless more exist.

Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Program aborting: Close all that you have worked on.
You ask far too much.

Windows NT crashed. I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

My favourite:

Yesterday it worked. Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Your file was so big. It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Stay the patient course. Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone.

Three things are certain: Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred?

You step in the stream, but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking must now be retyped.

Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared.

Both are blank.

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Beth Kantus  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 10:27
German to English
Haiku versions Dec 16, 2003

To Desi_vdb
Those are the best, thanks for the grin!! (I needed one today.)

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Dorota Cooper  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:27
English to Polish
+ ...
oh oh Dec 18, 2003

I love these, thanks for the laugh

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