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Off topic: Joke - The Restaurant
Thread poster: Paul Dixon

Paul Dixon  Identity Verified
Brazil
Local time: 21:26
Portuguese to English
+ ...
Feb 7, 2012

The Restaurant

An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Latvian, a Turk, a German, an Indian, several Americans, an Argentinean, a Dane, an Australian, a Slovak, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Moroccan, a Frenchman, a New Zealander, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Guatemalan, a Colombian, a Pakistani, a Malaysian, a Croatian, an Uzbek, a Cypriot, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Chinese, a Sri Lankan, a Lebanese, a Cayman Islander, an Ugandan, a Vietnamese, a Korean, an Uruguayan, a Czech, a Icelander, a Mexican, a Finn, a Honduran, a Panamanian, an Andorran, an Israeli, a Venezuelan, a Fijian, a Peruvian, an Estonian, a Brazilian, a Portuguese, a Liechtensteiner, a Mongolian, a Hungarian, a Canadian, a Moldovan, a Haitian, a Norfolk Islander, a Macedonian, a Bolivian, a Cook Islander, a Tajikistani, a Samoan, an Armenian, an Aruban, an Albanian, a Greenlander, a Micronesian, a Virgin Islander, a Georgian, a Bahaman, a Belarusian, a Cuban, a Tongan, a Cambodian, a Qatari, an Azerbaijani, a Romanian, a Chilean, a Kyrgyzstani, a Jamaican, a Filipino, a Ukrainian, a Dutchman, an Ecuadorian, a Costa Rican, a Swede, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Belgian, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian walk into a fine restaurant....

"I'm sorry," says the maître d', scrutinizing the group and barring their entrance, "You can't come in without a Thai."


 

Jan Rausch  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:26
Member (2010)
German to English
+ ...
:) Feb 7, 2012

icon_biggrin.gif

 

Giles Watson  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 02:26
Italian to English
An Englishman... Feb 7, 2012

... walks into a restaurant with Sir Alex Ferguson, José Mourinho and Fabio Capello but the maître d' tells him, "I'm sorry sir. We can't let you in with those trainers".

The old ones are the best ones icon_wink.gif


 

Elizabeth Joy Pitt de Morales  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:26
Member (2007)
Spanish to English
+ ...
Thank you! Feb 8, 2012

I needed a smile and I got two!

 

Rachel Fell  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:26
French to English
+ ...
Yes Feb 8, 2012

I liked them too, and heard the first one delivered on the radio early this evening, together with:
Conjunctivitis - a site for sore eyes (obviously better spoken than read)
- and others I unfortunately can't remembericon_wink.gif

[Edited at 2012-02-08 20:01 GMT]
Yes, Conjunctivitis.com - a site for sore eyes - thanks Giles! Telling jokes isn't my forte...;-)

[Edited at 2012-02-09 17:06 GMT]


 

Jan Rausch  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:26
Member (2010)
German to English
+ ...
Tim Vine Feb 8, 2012

I have a feeling the conjunctivitis joke is a Tim Vine one. He's got some good one-liners, such as:

Velcro: what a rip-off.
Exit signs - they're on the way out.
Black Beauty, he's a dark horse.

...


 

Halil Ibrahim Tutuncuoglu "Бёcäטsع Լîfe's cômplicåtعd eñøugh"
Turkey
Local time: 03:26
Turkish to English
+ ...
You can't come in without a Thai 2 :) Feb 9, 2012

Paul Dixon wrote:

"You can't come in without a Thai."


A man is crawling through the Sahara desert when he is approached by another man riding on a camel. As the rider approaches, the crawling man whispers through his parched lips, "Water ... please ... can you give ... water ..."

"I'm sorry," replies the man on the camel, "I don't have any water with me. But I'd be delighted to sell you a necktie."

"Necktie?" whispers the man. "I need water!"

"They're only four dollars apiece."

"I need water."

"Okay, okay, two for seven dollars."

"Please! I need water!" the man exclaims.

"I don't have any water, all I have are ties," replies the salesman, as he heads off into the distance.

By now the man has lost all track of time, crawling through the desert seemingly for days. Finally, nearly dead, with clothes tattered and skin peeling under the relentless sun, he comes upon a restaurant. Summoning his last bit of strength, he staggers to the door and confronts the head waiter.

"Water ... can I get ... water," the dying man pleads.

"I'm sorry, sir. Our dress code requires a tie" replies the waiter.


 

missdutch  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 02:26
Member (2010)
English to Italian
+ ...
Bob Monkhouse Feb 9, 2012

"They laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian. They're not laughing now."

 

Giles Watson  Identity Verified
Italy
Local time: 02:26
Italian to English
LAFTAs Feb 9, 2012

Rachel Fell wrote:

I liked them too, and heard the first one delivered on the radio early this evening, together with:
Conjunctivitis - a site for sore eyes (obviously better spoken than read)
- and others I unfortunately can't remembericon_wink.gif



It must have been the LAFTA awards, although the Tim Vine joke is admittedly funnier if you put "dotcom" after "conjunctivitis" icon_wink.gif


 

Rachel Fell  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 01:26
French to English
+ ...
Yes, Feb 9, 2012

must've been - I came in halfway through the brief interview with him on the radio and didn't catch his name:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/theatre/comedy/9072003/Tim-Vines-top-ten-jokes.html


 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:26
Chinese to English
Stephen Fry... Feb 9, 2012

...evolved the Bob Monkhouse joke:

In the sixth form we got careers advice. When asked what I wanted to be, I said: "A careers guidance counselor." The careers guidance counselor sneered at me, and said, "Comedian, eh!"


 

George Hopkins
Local time: 02:26
Swedish to English
an Feb 11, 2012

There's at least one an missing in the original story.

 

Krzysztof Kajetanowicz  Identity Verified
Poland
Local time: 02:26
English to Polish
+ ...
7/10 Feb 12, 2012

Not bad. Here's a better one:

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!"

The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!"

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: "A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterised by distinct black and white colouring. Eats shoots and leaves."


 

Natalia Pedrosa  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:26
English to Spanish
+ ...
Khrystof Feb 12, 2012

Krzysztof Kajetanowicz wrote:

Eats shoots and leaves."


I laughed my heart out, verrrry good one!

Natalie


 

Suzan Hamer  Identity Verified
Netherlands
Local time: 02:26
English
+ ...
So, then, Natalia, you would probably get a big bang out of the book by Lynne Truss. Feb 12, 2012

Natalia Pedrosa wrote:

Krzysztof Kajetanowicz wrote:

Eats shoots and leaves."


I laughed my heart out, verrrry good one!

Natalie



Eats, Shoots and Leaves.

http://www.lynnetruss.com/pages/content/index.asp?PageID=8


 
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