Off topic: Babies : end users' handbook
Thread poster: Thierry LOTTE

Thierry LOTTE  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:08
Member (2001)
English to French
+ ...
Sep 21, 2004

Hi colleagues !
I have received the following text from a Prozanian friend who just received it from another Prozanian friend who, himself, received it from another one who is unable to remember who sent it to him first !

That’s INTERNET Folks !

1st, 2nd, 3rd baby. This is funnier for those of us with more
than 1 child and for those of you with none this is way too

Your Clothes:

1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your
OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.

2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as

3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth:

1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.

2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember
that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.

3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The Layette:

1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes color-coordinate
them and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.

2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean &
discard only the ones with the darkest stains.

3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?


1st baby: At the first sign of distress--a whimper, a frown--
you pick up the baby.

2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to
wake your firstborn.

3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the
mechanical swing.


1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away
until you can go home and wash and boil it.

2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it
off with some juice from the baby's bottle.

3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in


1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether
they need it or not.

2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours,
if needed.

3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start
to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their


1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby
Swing, and Baby Story Hour.

2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.

3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry

Going Out:

1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter,
you call home five times.

2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to
leave a number where you can be reached.

3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only
if she sees blood.

At Home:

1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at
the baby.

2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure
your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.

3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the

Swallowing Coins (a favorite):

1st child: when first child swallows a coin, you rush the
child to the hospital and demand x-rays.

2nd child: when second child swallows a coin, you carefully
watch for coin to pass.

3rd child: when third child swallows a coin you deduct it
from his allowance!!


[Edited at 2004-09-22 03:47]

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María Alejandra Funes
Local time: 05:08
English to Spanish
+ ...
Babies Sep 21, 2004

Thanks, Thierry!

This is hilarious!!!



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Trudy Peters  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 03:08
German to English
+ ...
Ah yes Sep 22, 2004

I remember it well

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Andrea Ali  Identity Verified
Local time: 05:08
Member (2003)
English to Spanish
+ ...
It's true!!! Sep 22, 2004

And one more:

1st baby: You set the alarm clock to feed him every three exact hours.

2nd baby: Did I feed him?

Maybe that's why I don't have a third one???

And I can assure that pink polar pyjamas suit boys perfectly well!

Andrea, mom of two

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Monika Coulson  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:08
Member (2001)
English to Albanian
+ ...
Thanks Thierry, Sep 22, 2004

These are hilarious!
And María Alejandra, your baby is adorable! Such a cute little boy!


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Gayle Wallimann  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:08
Member (2001)
French to English
+ ...
That was cute... Sep 22, 2004

I can't say that it's all true for me, but it is hilarious. I still never got over the "gazing at the baby" part, even for the sixth one... 8)

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Fabiana Papastefani-Pezzoni  Identity Verified
Local time: 10:08
Member (2003)
English to Albanian
+ ...
So funny Sep 22, 2004

Gayle Wallimann wrote:

I still never got over the "gazing at the baby" part, even for the sixth one... 8)

I do gaze them, too, especially when they do not notice me gazing at them. But it is so true though, that with the second child (and the third after) you really are a lot more relaxed on many things, which I believe is good for both, mom & child. One thing though I never stopped doing - watching them time by time, since they still do not realize the danger in many things they do or touch.

Have a good day ever body,

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Selçuk Budak  Identity Verified
Local time: 11:08
English to Turkish
+ ...
And more! Sep 22, 2004

1st baby: You always carry a camera ready to shoot every gesture of the child.

2nd baby: Your spouse reminds you to take the camera and shoot on special occasions (birthdays, etc.)

3rd baby: I do not know, we did not do it yet!

From the men's side:

1st baby: You are eager to accompany your spouse during her monthly ultrasound checks.

2nd baby: Oh dear, don't you see how much I am busy, and can't you go alone!

3rd baby: I would not take a part in having a 3rd either. Do it yourself!

[Edited at 2004-09-22 12:29]

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mónica alfonso  Identity Verified
Local time: 05:08
Member (2004)
English to Spanish
+ ...
LOL Sep 22, 2004

No comments. I'm mother of FIVE.

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Robert Zawadzki  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:08
English to Polish
+ ...
Gazing doers no pass that easily Sep 22, 2004

When my 14-year old son realizes my wife is watching him, he starts using dirty language on his instant messenger.

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Katrin Lueke  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:08
Member (2006)
English to German
Thank you Sep 24, 2004

That's really good - thank you for having a great laugh on a grey morning. I only have one child, but my aunt (3 children) used to say:
first baby: you clean the bottles carefully and boil them afterwards for exactly twenty minutes.
second baby: you clean the bottles and wash them out with hot water
third baby: did I clean the bottle ?

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transjapan  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:08
French to English
+ ...
So funny and so true!!! Sep 28, 2004

My poor 5 month old now...her siblings all have professional portraits on the wall and she has a drawing I did myself (albeit a beautiful one!!) while holding her in my arms! I'll go have photos done soon, I promise!

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Local time: 09:08
German to English
+ ...
Truly a great laugh! Sep 29, 2004

.... Thank God we've only got one!


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