Off topic: Computer illiterates around the world making you appear cleverer by comparison
Thread poster: Narasimhan Raghavan

Narasimhan Raghavan  Identity Verified
Local time: 06:10
English to Tamil
+ ...
Feb 4, 2005

For people moaning about their helplessness with computers, here are some examples showing the state of knowledge in others. You are definitely better off than they are, given the fact that you have succeeded in coming to read this page! Here goes:

True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have ?

Customer: A white one...

> > ====

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.

Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?

Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.

Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ..

Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .

> > ====

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left ?

> > ====

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?

Male customer: Hello... I can't print.

Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !

> > ====

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says

'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front

of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

> > ====

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?

Customer: No.

> > ====

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

> > ====

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.

Customer: It's not working.

Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?

Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.

> > ====

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: OK

Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?

Customer: Yes

Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !

> > ====

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

> > ====

A customer couldn't get on the internet.

Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?

Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?

Customer: Five stars.

> > ====

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?

Customer: Netscape.

Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

> > ====

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my

computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !

> > ====

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?

Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you

please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?

Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?

Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4

hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?

> > ====

Helpdesk: How may I help you ?

Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.

Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?

Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?



Momoka (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 09:40
Japanese to Spanish
+ ...
Lots of laughs! Feb 4, 2005

Thanks a lot!


Estefanía González  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 00:40
English to Spanish
+ ...
Rolled on the floor laughing Feb 4, 2005

It was hilarious!

I will print it out and place it on my desk. It may prevent me going up the wall next time an application gives me trouble.icon_smile.gif



Orla Ryan  Identity Verified
Local time: 00:40
oh the memories! Feb 4, 2005

I can well believe it having worked in IT support for 2 years (never again!!)


Herminia Herrándiz Espuny  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:40
English to Spanish
+ ...
Funny Feb 4, 2005

So funnyicon_smile.gif I have that kind of experience myself with some friendsicon_razz.gif but when your are the answerer it gets annoying at the endicon_razz.gif


Stephanie Wloch  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:40
Member (2003)
Dutch to German
Stubborn computers - my laugh muscles are aching Feb 4, 2005

"I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front
of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.."
Really stubborn, isn't it?
Thank you so much, Narasimhan.
You've got a keen sense of real hilarous things.


Thierry LOTTE  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:40
Member (2001)
English to French
+ ...
LOL Feb 4, 2005

Many thanks !

You really cracked me up.


Lucinda Hollenberg  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:40
Dutch to English
+ ...
Priceless! Feb 4, 2005

Just what I needed on a Friday. Have not seen you in the Fora for a while.

You were missed.

Best regards,


Narasimhan Raghavan  Identity Verified
Local time: 06:10
English to Tamil
+ ...
I am touched Lucinda Feb 5, 2005

Fact is, I have discovered Tamil blogging and I have solved the problem of Tamil fonts typing. I have to admit one thing. Writing in the mother tongue is an intoxicating thing for me. And now I am in a position to take up translations into Tamil. Further, as if on cue, assignments in the pair English>Tamil have started pouring in. All these things have almost taken up my entire time.

But I cannot remain long away from ProZ and my colleagues.

Lucinda Hollenberg wrote:

Just what I needed on a Friday. Have not seen you in the Fora for a while.

You were missed.

Best regards,

[Edited at 2005-02-05 02:58]

[Edited at 2005-02-06 04:03]


Parrot  Identity Verified
Local time: 01:40
Spanish to English
+ ...
Here's one for you, Narasimhan Feb 6, 2005

Customer: Hello, I need to replace a broken part of my computer.

Help desk: Which one?

Customer: The glass holder.

Help desk: The WHAT???

Customer: You know, that tray with the hole in the middle that pops out when you push the small button...


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