Winter Powwow in Warsaw
Thread poster: Jerzy Czopik

Jerzy Czopik  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:33
Member (2003)
Polish to German
+ ...
Nov 13, 2002

Even if I´m usually strict against writing in English in this forum, I´ll make an exception, as it may be interesting for all.

A winter Powwow on January 2 or 3, 2003, is planned to be held in Warsaw.

You can check it here:

We shall dicuss about CATs and other jaguars.



Jacek Krankowski (X)  Identity Verified
English to Polish
+ ...
Speaking of cats Nov 14, 2002


1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a

baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat\'s mouth

and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As

cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left

arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws

tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth

with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call

spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and

rear paws firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold

head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill

down ruler and rub cat\'s throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make

note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered

Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

icon_cool.gif Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to stretch out flat on top of

cat with head just visible from below arm-pit. Put pill in end of drinking

straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink glass of

water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse\'s forearm and remove

blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbor\'s shed. Get anothe pill. Place cat in

cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open

with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold

compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot.

Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize

to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last

pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat\'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly

to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force

cat\'s mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by

large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically and pour pint of water

down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while

doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right

eye. Stop by the furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to find a new home for cat and ring local pet shop to

see if they have any hamsters.


Charlotte Blank  Identity Verified
Local time: 04:33
Czech to German
+ ...
see Spanish forum Nov 17, 2002

This marvellous instruction of how to arrange yourself with your cat has been posted in the Spanish forum before (please, this is only a hint, not a reproach!) and there it has a slightly different end:

For dog owners:

Wrap pill in bacon, cheese or peanut butter. Make him beg.

(I\'ve had a few cats, too...)


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Winter Powwow in Warsaw

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