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Spanish to English translation quality assurance 2 - Style

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ISABEL SANLLEHI  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 20:56
Member (2013)
English to Catalan
+ ...
Registered and paid Oct 6, 2014

On Friday 3 at 16.00 pm I did payment with discount for the two sessions of Spanish to English Translation quality assurance. It said that the payment had been made but I could not get reach to the session that was going on at 17:00 pm that day. Now, my question is: did you receive my payment? Will I be able to get the recording of the first session even if I could not attend? Thanks

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Helen Shepelenko
SITE STAFF
Registered and paid Oct 7, 2014

ISABEL SANLLEHI wrote:

On Friday 3 at 16.00 pm I did payment with discount for the two sessions of Spanish to English Translation quality assurance. It said that the payment had been made but I could not get reach to the session that was going on at 17:00 pm that day. Now, my question is: did you receive my payment? Will I be able to get the recording of the first session even if I could not attend? Thanks


Hello Isabel,

Thank you for letting me know. Your registration has been processed and you now have unlimited access to the webinar video from the First Part and you will be able to attend the Part Two live session to be conducted later this week.

In case you have any questions or need any help please do not hesitate to submit a support request, http://www.proz.com/support/ Thank you!

My bests,
Helen


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Dwain Richardson  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 14:56
English
+ ...
Very, That/Which: Overused? Oct 14, 2014

Hi, everyone,

Almost one week after Ms. Jones's presentation on ES>EN style, I had a few questions with respect to the examples given. I would like your thoughts on the proposals I make below.

In some of the examples Ms. Jones provided, I noted a great use of the relative "which." In a writing techniques course I took a year and a half ago, I learned that "which" often makes texts heavy and awkward; it is best avoided. The following translations were proposed after the Spanish texts:

A las reuniones suelen asistir los gerentes, los funcionarios, los agentes contractuales..., etc. y siempre las celebran el primer lunes del mes.

>"Managers, civil servants, contract agents, etc. (OR and so on) usually attend the meetings, which are always held on the first Monday of the month."

Ha tomado en consideración diversos factores y ha extraído conclusiones de gran valor que han orientado su toma de decisiones.

>"She took numerous factors into consideration and drew highly valuable conclusions, which guided her decision making."

Respectively, I propose
>Managers, civil servants ... usually attend meetings held on the first Monday of the month.
>She took numerous factors into consideration and drew highly valuable conclusions that guided her decision-making. (Here, the sentence would become restrictive. Is "decision-making" a compound noun? If so, it should be hyphenated, right? It wasn't hyphenated in the presentation.)

Do the proposals above hold water when "which" is removed?

In the same writing techniques class, I learned that "very" is a great offender. Wherever and whenever possible, it should be avoided and replaced with stronger adjectives, verbs, or adverbs. In one of the "Editor from Hell" examples, Ms. Jones provided us with this Spanish text and its translation:

Como director financiero era muy consciente de sus responsabilidades y las cumplía con la mayor diligencia.

>"As CFO (Chief Financial Officer) he was very conscious of his responsabilities and fulfilled them with the utmost diligence."

What do you think about the options below?

As CFO he was cognizant/aware/sensible/percipient of his responsibilities and fulfilled them with the utmost diligence.

–>Might you have other suggestions? If "very" is removed from the sentence, does the overall meaning change?

Hopefully, I will hear from you soon. Once again, I would like to thank Ms. Jones for sharing her experiences and insight with us. Here's hoping I'll attend one of her future webinars!

Cheers,

Dwain Richardson

[Edited at 2014-10-14 20:13 GMT]


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Gwenydd Jones  Identity Verified
Spain
Local time: 20:56
Member (2009)
Spanish to English
Hi Dwain Oct 21, 2014

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I think that looking for alternatives to "which" to produce a smoother text is a great technique, as long as the meaning is not affected. In your first example ("meetings held on the first Monday..."), the removal of "which" has changed the focus and meaning of the sentence slightly. In your second example, based only on the sentence as it stands, your translation with "that" is absolutely correct. With the drafting error, i.e. with Spanish missing a comma before "que", the translation with "which" would be the correct option. I totally agree that I missed the hyphen in decision-making, thanks for letting me know.

I was interested to read your comments on very. A further suggestion to add to yours is perhaps using a different adverb, like extremely or most.


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