Off topic: zambetul de marti
Thread poster: Raluca Ion

Raluca Ion  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 19:08
English to Romanian
+ ...
Jun 3, 2003

CONSULTANT = cineva care foloseste ceasul sotiei tale, iti spune cat e ceasul si apoi iti cere bani pentru asta.

DIPLOMAT = cineva care-ti spune sa te duci dracului intr-un fel care te
face sa te pregatesti pt. o excursie.

BANCHER = cineva care iti imprumuta umbrela lui cand afara e soare si apoi ti-o cere inapoi cand incepe sa ploua.

CERCETAS = un copil imbracat ca un tampit sub comanda unui tampit imbracat ca un copil.

ECONOMIST = un expert care va sti maine de ce ceea ce a prezis ca se va intampla ieri nu s-a intamplat azi.

PROGRAMATOR = cineva care rezolva o problema pe care nu stiai ca o ai intr-un fel pe care nu-l intelegi.

PSIHOLOG = cineva care se uita la oricine altcineva cand o femeie frumoasa intra in incapere.

STATISTICIAN = cineva care e bun la cifre dar nu are pic de personalitate ca sa fie inginer.

PREOT = cineva caruia toti ii spun 'parinte', in afara de copiii lui, care ii spun 'unchi'.

INTELECTUAL = cineva capabil sa se gandeasca mai mult de 2 ore si la altceva decat la sex.

INFLATIE = a trebui sa platesti preturile de la anul cu salariul de anul trecut.

MUNCA IN ECHIPA = posibilitatea de a da vina pe altii.

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Ciprian Dumea  Identity Verified
Local time: 20:08
English to Romanian
+ ...
zimbetul de duminica :-) Jun 8, 2003

Nota: aceste citate nu sunt politice si au legatura doar cu cei care le-au spus, nu si cu functia (sa speram) vremelnica a acestora.

Nicolae Vacaroiu:
- Nu facem privatizare de dragul privatizarii, ci din contra.
- Toata lumea crede ca urmarim ceva prin chestia asta. De fapt nu
urmarim nimic.
- Noi suntem putin cu capul patrat.

Silviu Somancu, deputat PSM:
- Nu poate exista un patrulater cu 3 laturi.

Florin Georgescu:
- Lumea are voie sa aiba 2 conturi: un cont in lei, un cont in valuta
si un cont de investitii. Mai mult nu.

Corneliu Vadim Tudor:
- Eu as putea sa fiu presedinte pentru o zi, dar o zi polara de sase

Oliviu Gherman, presedintele senatului:
- Suntem si noi oameni, si ca toti oamenii, parasim sedintele.

Iulian Mincu:
- Domnule presedinte, in Romania natalitatea incepe sa creasca din
acest moment.

Ion Solcanu, senator PDSR:
- Vom face scoli pentru tigani, cu internate, terenuri de fotbal si
bazine de inot, pentru a-i atrage spre invatatura.
- Suntem invatati cu aceste atacuri precum sosul cu alimentele.

Ilie Verdet, presedinte PSM:
- Cele publicate este o minciuna, un neadevar inexact.

Tudor Mohora, presedinte PS:
- Economia socialista a fost de piata.

Viorel Catarama:
- Sunt aicea printre noi, in aceasta sala, tineri care au murit in
revolutia din decembrie 1989.

Ion Ratiu:
- Sunt ruda cu Andrei Ratiu precum e ruda Petre Roman cu
autocamioanele Roman.

Sergiu Nicolaescu, senator PDSR:
- Acestea sunt intrebari care trebuiesc puse celui intrebat.
- Dar ce, este neaparata nevoie sa citesti legea ca sa votezi?

Anton Lingu, primar PSM de Braila:
- Asta-i o minciuna frustrata!

Ilie Fonta, consilier prezidential:
- Lipseste vidul legislativ.

Adrian Nastase, vicepresedinte PDSR:
- Ceea ce este dramatic pentru un om ca mine este ca semneaza mai mult decat

Radu Berceanu, deputat PD:
- Problema homosexualilor trebuie privita barbateste, in fata.

Ioan Gavra, deputat PUNR:
- Am o vila mare cu 70 de apartamente, care se cheama si bloc, in care stau
si eu.

IPS Teoctist, patriarhul Romaniei:
- Isus s-a nascut intr-o pestera foarte modesta.

Antonie Iorgovan, judecator la Curtea Constitutionala:
- La noi, sefii de partide sunt ca vacile in India.

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Cristiana Coblis  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:08
Member (2004)
English to Romanian
+ ...
zambetul moralist al lui Soctates Jun 8, 2003

In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem.

One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd
like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and..."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not.

Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No, not really."

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high

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Cristiana Coblis  Identity Verified
Local time: 21:08
Member (2004)
English to Romanian
+ ...
virusi ca tot sunt la moda... Jun 8, 2003

There is a new virus: code name is "work". If you receive "work", from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail or anywhere else, do not touch it under any circumstances!! This virus wipes out your private life completely.
If you should come into contact with this virus, put on your jacket and take two
good friends and go straight to the nearest pub. Order three beers and after repeating this 14 times, you will find that "work" has been completely deleted from your brain.

Forward this warning immediately to at least 5 friends. Should you realize that you do not have 5 friends, this means that this virus has already infected you, and "work" already controls your whole life. This virus is deadly. Please pay close attention to it and take heed.

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Maricica W.  Identity Verified

English to Romanian
+ ...
de unde cinci prieteni, Cristina?? Jun 9, 2003


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Ciprian Dumea  Identity Verified
Local time: 20:08
English to Romanian
+ ...
continuare :-) Jun 16, 2003

In buna traditie a nemuritoarelor obiceiuri proaste, continuu sa prezint cuvinte care poate au fost zise in contextul in care apar si poate ca nu, dar care tare ma amuza.

Court Cases
These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place:

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

Q: Sir, what is your IQ?
A: Well I can see pretty well, I think.

Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.

Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.

Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he?

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August eighth?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

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