Something to challenge even a native\'s English
Thread poster: GaryG

GaryG  Identity Verified
Local time: 10:28
+ ...
Jan 31, 2003

Tony Blair is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of

> patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The

> patient replies:


> \"Fair fa your honest sonsie face,

> Great chieftain o\' the puddin race,

> Aboon them a you take your place,

> Painch, tripe or thairm,

> As langs my airm.\"


> Blair is confused, so he just grins and moves on to the next patient.

> The patient responds:


> \"Some hae meat and canna eat,

> And some wad eat that want it,

> But we hae meat and we can eat,

> So let the Lord be thankit.\"


> Even more confused, and his grin now rictus-like, the PM moves on to

> the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:

> \"Wee, sleekit, cowerin, tim\'rous beastie,

> O, what a panic\'s in thy breastie!

> Thou need na start awa sae hasty,

> Wi bickering brattle!

> I wad be laith to rin an\' chase thee, wi\' murdering prattle!\"


> Now seriously troubled, Blair turns to the accompanying doctor and

> asks \"What kind of facility is this? A mental ward?\"


> \"No\", replies the doctor. \"This is the serious Burns unit.\"


> ------------------------------

> Have yourselves a cantie, daffin, time! Wishing you all a good Burns

> day!! (which happens to be the 25th Jan for the Americans!)


Sheila Hardie  Identity Verified
Local time: 16:28
Catalan to English
+ ...
To a Haggis Jan 31, 2003

Belated greetings for Burns\' Night to you too Gary. Here\'s the whole poem for anyone who interested in haggisicon_smile.gif

BTW, it\'s a good joke but I suspect Tony Blair would (or should) have understood the folk in the hospital - he was educated at one of Scotland\'s most prestigious private schoolsicon_smile.gif

Sheila (who has had to recite the verses below whilst opening up one of these beastiesicon_wink.gif )

Fair fa\' your honest, sonsie face,

Great chieftain o the puddin\'-race!

Aboon them a\' ye tak your place,

Painch, tripe, or thairm:

Weel are ye wordy of a grace

As lang\'s my arm.

The groaning trencher there ye fill,

Your hurdies like a distant hill,

Your pin wad help to mend a mill

In time o need,

While thro your pores the dews distil

Like amber bead.

His knife see rustic Labour dight,

An cut you up wi ready slight,

Trenching your gushing entrails bright,

Like onie ditch;

And then, O what a glorious sight,

Warm-reekin, rich!

Then, horn for horn, they stretch an strive:

Deil tak the hindmost, on they drive,

Till a\' their weel-swall\'d kytes belyve

Are bent like drums;

The auld Guidman, maist like to rive,

\'Bethankit\' hums.

Is there that owre his French ragout,

Or olio that wad staw a sow,

Or fricassee wad mak her spew

Wi perfect sconner,

Looks down wi sneering, scornfu view

On sic a dinner?

Poor devil! see him owre his trash,

As feckless as a wither\'d rash,

His spindle shank a guid whip-lash,

His nieve a nit:

Thro bloody flood or field to dash,

O how unfit!

But mark the Rustic, haggis-fed,

The trembling earth resounds his tread,

Clap in his walie nieve a blade,

He\'ll make it whissle;

An legs an arms, an heads will sned,

Like taps o thrissle.

Ye Pow\'rs, wha mak mankind your care,

And dish them out their bill o fare,

Auld Scotland wants nae skinking ware

That jaups in luggies:

But, if ye wish her gratefu prayer,

Gie her a Haggis!


Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:28
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
More Burns Jan 31, 2003

If you can stand any more Burns without ending up in the Serious Burns Unit, here\'s another one.


Lament \'im Mauchline husbands a\',

He aften did assist ye;

For had ye staid whole weeks awa\'

Your wives they ne\'er had miss\'d ye.

Ye Mauchline bairns as on ye pass,

To school in bands thegither,

O tread ye lightly on his grass,

Perhaps he was your father.


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