Thread poster: Terry Burgess

Terry Burgess  Identity Verified
Local time: 19:09
Spanish to English
+ ...
Mar 15, 2002

As the glorious day for all Irishmen everywhere draws near-- March 17th, I would like to send out this heartfelt message of \"goodwill, happiness, and peace\" to each and every one of my colleagues here at ProZ. I enjoy your company, I appreciate your input, and I relish your good sense of humor. I believe we have a lot going for us! Hopefully, it will always stay that way! So,


---to one and all!!! ----


---para todos y cada uno de utedes!!!---

\"May you spill more than you can drink\"!!!!

\"Ojalá tiren más de lo que puedan beber\"!!!

As an afterthought, I\'ve decided to include a wee ditty of wisdom for translators, as regards the English language. Hope you enjoy it!:-----

Why is English so hard to learn?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present owner.

icon_cool.gif A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object of the exercise.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid patients.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when does are


15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into the sewer line under Upper Hampstead.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind down the sail.

1icon_cool.gif After a number of injections, my jaw got


19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let\'s face it - English is a crazy language!.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;

neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

”English muffins” weren\'t invented in England, nor ”French fries” in France.

”Sweetmeats” are candies while “sweetbreads”, which

aren\'t sweet, are actually meat.

We take English for granted.

But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that

quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don\'t fing, grocers don\'t groce, and hammers don\'t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn\'t the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices?

Doesn\'t it seem strange that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn\'t preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a

humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?

Noses that run and feet that smell.

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the

same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a

language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out, and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers,and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn\'t a race at all).

That is why, when the stars are out, they are

visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And finally, how about when you want to shut down your computer you have to hit \"START\" ?????


Once again friends and colleagues:

Happy St. Patrick\'s Day!!!

Una vez más amigos, amigas, colegas:

¡¡Feliz Día de San Patricio!!



Aurora Humarán (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:09
English to Spanish
+ ...
Un regalito...desde Buenos Aires... Mar 15, 2002

The European Commission has just announced an agreement that English will be the official language of the EU (European Union), rather than German (the other possibility).

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty´s Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement, and has accepted a 5-year phase-in of new rules which would apply to the language and reclassify it as EuroEnglish.

The Agreed Plan is as follows:

In Year 1, the soft ‘c’ would be replaced by ‘s’.

Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard ‘c’ will be replaced by ‘k’. This would klear up konfusion and keyboards kan now have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome ‘ph’ will be replaced with ‘f’. This will reduce ´fotograf´ by 20%.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent ‘e’´s in the language is disgraseful and they should eliminat them.

By year 4, people wil be reseptiv to lingwistik korektions such as replasing ‘th’ with ‘z’ and ‘w’ with ‘v’ (saving mor keyboard spas).

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary ‘o’ kan be dropd from vords containing ‘ou’ and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz year, ve vil hav a reli sensibil riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evriuon vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!



Andrea Bullrich  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:09
English to Spanish
Happy St. Patrick's Day, Terry and everybody... Mar 15, 2002

... and try to keep that blood poteen level in check, OK? icon_wink.gif

Now where\'s Rich, I wonder? It would be great if he\'d join the party icon_smile.gif



C Greene  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:09
English to French
And go easy with the Guinness too ! Mar 15, 2002

Happy St. Patrick\'s day to all of you!

I think it is wise to say it today before the start of the celebrations because on Sunday...... well, never mind, a word to the wise icon_smile.gif


Oso (X)
+ ...
Irish for a day!! Kiss me, I'm Irish!!! ¶:^D!!! Mar 15, 2002

¡¡¡Compaaaaadre!!! Ahora si mi compa del alma... Ahora sí gritemos a los cuatro vientos, ¡¡¡Nos dieron en nuestro mero mole!!! icon_smile.gif)

¡¡¡Qué mejor día to get our ya- yas out!!! And on the 8th day, God created... BEER!! y no cualquier cerveza chafa....no señor...it was Guinness Beer!! icon_smile.gif
Have a Wonderful St.Patty\'s Day mi compa!!!

Un abrazote enorme salpicado de shamrocks y green beer!!!!

Con cariño,

Oso ¶:^)


MJ Barber  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:09
Spanish to English
+ ...
happy lá 'le Phádraig!!!! Mar 15, 2002

Happy Paddy\'s Day

Anybody in Madrid wanting to go for a pint, send me an email ....

Anybody in Madrid read today\'s Metropolitano magazine given away with el mundo .. references to \"la cerveza angolasajona\" (ok, it was invented in London, but Uncle Arthur made it ours) .. \"disfrutarla tibia\" (f**k off - ok, that extra cold stuff is sh**te, but warm guinness, no WAY) and, \"deportes angolsajones, como el golf y el rugby\" aaaaaaahhhh, si el golf es escocés y el rugby es galés, ninguno irlandés, y ninguno tampoco ANGLOSAJON. Mecagüenla .....

Still, I will be raising a glass to all my Proz buddies (esp. Ailish and Terry) Sláinte, MJ


Elena Sgarbo (X)  Identity Verified
Italian to English
+ ...
Terry, let me add a few thoughts from George Carlin to your list... Mar 15, 2002

...and Happy St. Patrick\'s Day to you and everyone at ProZ, at the top \'o the morning!!! icon_smile.gif

To ponder:

Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren\'t people from Holland

called Holes?

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who

drives a race car not called a racist?

Why isn\'t the number 11 pronounced onety one?

OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the \"Jags\" and the

Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the \"Bucs\", what does that make the

Tennessee Titans ?

Do people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water

know that spelling it backwards is NAIVE?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn\'t it follow that

electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,

models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?


Aurora, gracias por tu post... lo había recibido x e-mail hace mucho y me encantó volver a leerlo!! (también hay una versión de \"language simplification\" aplicada al español... alguien la tiene? Yo no puedo encontrar la mía).

Beers up!! icon_smile.gif


AnneM (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:09
Spanish to English
+ ...
Irish Humour Mar 15, 2002

Greetings from an Irish cailín in Spain. If there\'s one thing we Irish can do is laugh at ourselves, so here goes...

Mrs.Pete Monaghan came into the newsroom to pay for her husband\'s obiturary. She was told by the kindly newsman that it was a dollar a word and he remembered Pete and wasn\'t it too bad about him passing away. She thanked him for his kind words and bemoaned the fact that she only had two dollars. But she wrote out the obituary, \"Pete died.\" The newsman said he thought old Pete deserved more and he\'d give her three more words at no charge. Mrs. Pete Monaghan thanked him and rewrote the obituary: \"Pete died. Boat for sale\"

A young Irishman sat at a pub in the New World drinking beer and conversin\' with the barkeep. Another comes in and sits besides him. He says how you do and hears the lilt and says you be Irish? Yes I am. The first man yells barkeep give us another round and one for my friend here he\'s from the mother country as well. The second man asks-so where in the old country ye from. Dublin responds the first. Dublin you say - so am I and the second man hollers barkeep bring us another round and a shot of your best Irish Whiskey for me and my friend here. Afterwards the first man asks from where in Dublin and the second man responds with the street and the first man says well I\'ll be - so am I and yells barkeep another pair of beers and Irish Whiskey for the pair of us.

The phone behind the bar rings and the barkeep answers it. The owner of the pub asks - how is business. The barkeep responds - not too bad - The O\'Malley twins are here getting drunk again.

His wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning Finnegan. \"Did she say anything before she died?\" asked the sergeant. \"She spoke without interruption for about forty years,\" said the Irishman.

Michael Hoolihan was courting Frances Phelan. The young couple sat in the parlor of the girl\'s house night after night, much to the annoyance of old man Phelan. One night he couldn\"t take any more. Standing at the top of the stairs, he yelled \"What\'s that young fella doin\' here all hours of the night?\" \"Why, Dad,\" said Frances, \"Michael was just telling me everything that\'s in his heart!\" \"Well, next time,\" roared Phelan, \"just let him tell you what\'s in his head, and it won\'t take half as long!\"

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in the distant rural regions. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes\' wife begins to deliver the baby. The local doctor is there in attendance. \"What d\'ya want me to do, Doctor?\" \"Hold the lantern, Mikey. Here it comes!\" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see. \"Mike, you\'re the proud father of a fine strapping boy.\" \"Saints be praised, I...\" Before Mike can finish the Doctor interrupts, \"Wait a minute. Hold the lantern, Mikey.\" Soon the doctor delivers the next child. \"You\'ve a full set now, Mikey. A beautiful baby daughter.\"

\"Thanks be to...\" Again the Doctor cuts in, \"Hold the lantern, Mikey, Hold the lantern!\" Soon the Doctor delivers a third child. The doctor holds up the baby for Mike\'s inspection. \"Doctor,\" asks Mike, \"Do you think it\'s the light that\'s attracting them?\"

A drunk gets on a bus and asks the conductor how long the trip is between Limerick to Cork. \"About 2 hours,\" says the conductor. \"Okay,\" says the drunk \"then how long is the trip between Cork to Limerick?\" The irate conductor says to the drunk \"It\'s still about 2 hours, man. Why\'d ya think there\'d be a difference?\" \"Well,\" says the drunk, \"It\'s only a week between Christmas and New Year\'s, but it\'s a helluva long time between New Year\'s to Christmas!\"

O\'Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

\"Please, God,\" he implored, \"let it be blood!\"

The New Priest

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he couldn\'t stand still.

He asked Father Murphy for some advice. Father Murphy replied, \"When I\'m worried about gettin\' nervous on the pulpit, I take a wee bit o\' whiskey. Just to calm my nerves.\" So the next Sunday he took the older priest\'s advice. Before the mass, he got nervous and took a drink. He then proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

1. A few sips of whiskey. Not the whole bottle.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Senior, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don\'t say \"He was stoned off his ass.\"

10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, \"Take this and eat it, for it is my body\"; he did not say, \"Eat me.\"

12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, \"Mary with the Cherry\".

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: \"Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yea God\"

Concerning bagpipes: The Irish invented them and gave them to the Scots as a joke, and the Scots haven\'t seen the joke yet.


Bertha S. Deffenbaugh  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 18:09
English to Spanish
+ ...
¡ Gracias, igualmente a tí!! Mar 16, 2002

Un abrazo, icon_smile.gificon_smile.gificon_smile.gif



Lia Fail (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:09
Spanish to English
+ ...
Another Irish 'cailín' awaits the great day! Mar 16, 2002

Lá le Phadraig shona agaibh! If I remember rightly, that\'s how it\'s said in Irish!

Greetings to all, but especially Terry in Mexico, Anne in Girona and MJBarber in Madrid (PS MJ, and did you see recently how Dublin was incorrectly located in \'Irlanda del Norte\', by no less than TV1?!!!).

A proverb:

Trí ghalar gan náire: grá, tochas agus tart.

(Three illnesses without shame: love, an itch and thirst)!

My favourite Paddy\'s Day card this year has the man himself dressed up in Irish football togs, as anxious for the World Cup as we all are!



Lia Fail (X)  Identity Verified
Local time: 02:09
Spanish to English
+ ...
No Irishwomen in your life Terry????!!!! Mar 16, 2002

To quote you \"...glorious day for Irishhmen...\"!!!

Ailish icon_smile.gif


Patricia Lutteral  Identity Verified
Local time: 22:09
English to Spanish
+ ...
Irish at heart Mar 17, 2002

Happy Saint Patrick\'s day to everybody!

MJ, can we have that pint next weekend? I\'m arriving in Madrid on Wednesday! icon_smile.gif




Local time: 02:09
Spanish to English
Mar 17, 2002

Enjoy yourselves. While not being Irish, I hope you don\'t mind me using it as an excuse for a pinticon_smile.gifespecially considering Paddy was Welsh.

PS Irish Jokes are one thing but this really happened to a colleague of mine who\'d taken the ferry to do some sales calls in the Dublin area and got lost. Seeing a pedestrian, he stopped, wound down the window and asked the way.

After a moment\'s thought, the reply came.

\"If I were you, I wouldn\'t begin from here\"

One confused colleague


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