Off topic: Joke Line
Thread poster: Jane Lamb-Ruiz
| | Jane Lamb-Ruiz
French to English
We outta start a posting thingie where only outrageously funny made up postings are acceptable. I though that the one previous to this by Silvina was better than mine. It really is a hoot. Muy gracioso. de verdad. Lo escribiste tu?
Now, Jane, your posting was meant for me, I just know it. I\'ve been laughing for a couple of days now, and telling this (to my poor husband) over and over again! I just thought it was very funny. Let me share it.
Last week, I was watching a series called \'Detectives\'. Two of the detectives, a man and a woman, are kind of involved but nothing has really happened yet
So, they are celebrating X-mas at the police station. She\'s standing there alone, watching people have fun. He comes and stands by her side, both facing the camera (and not each other). He\'s Irish and says,
\"So, Parra, is that a French name?\"(Imagine the Irish accent, please!)
\"No,it\'s a Greek name\", says Parra.
\"Have you got any Irish in you?\"
\"No, I don\'t\"
\"Would you like some?\"
LOOOOOLLLLLLLL!!! I cannot stop laughing!
Later on, they are kissing in a patrol car.
So, funny enough?
| | Jack Doughty
Local time: 22:40
Russian to English
| Who gives way to whom? || May 13, 2002 |
A few days ago, a friend of mine sent me this one:
The following is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation in October
1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British
The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a
AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to
avoid a collision
BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the
South to avoid a collision.
AMERICANS: This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert
BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST
SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES\' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS, AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU
CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT\'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER
MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITS: We are a lighthouse, so could take some time to move. Any
AMERICANS: (No response)
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| Jack: pure genious || May 17, 2002 |
I loved it!
Here\'s another contribution.
NEW WORDS FOR 2002 -- Essential additions for the workplace vocabulary:
BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves.
ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end.
CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people\'s heads pop up over the walls to see what\'s going on.
MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation\'s answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one\'s workplace.
IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clintons Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the shit out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key. For Windows it\'s Ctrl, Alt, Delete simultaneously.
ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve.
404: Someone who\'s clueless. (From the World Wide Web error message \"404 Not Found\", meaning that the requested document could not be located).
GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you\'ve just made a BIG mistake.
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