English to Chinese competition entry 英译中比赛稿件
Thread poster: Phil Hand

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
Local time: 14:34
Chinese to English
Feb 21, 2013

First of all, congratulations to Billy for winning in this pair.
I said I'd post this here for general discussion, so here it is (I've corrected a couple of errors):

We're accustomed to glamour in London SE26: Kelly Brook and Jason Statham used to live above the dentist. But when Anouska Hempel's heels hit the cracked cement of the parking space outside my flat, it's hard not to think of those Picture Post photographs of royalty visiting bombed-out families during the second world war. Her mission in my modest tract of suburbia is, however, about more than offering sympathy. Hempel—the woman who invented the boutique hotel before it bore any such proprietary name—has come to give me information for which, judging by the spreads in interiors magazines and anxious postings on online DIY forums, half the property-owners in the Western world seem desperate: how to give an ordinary home the look and the vibe of a five-star, £750-a-night hotel suite. To Hem­pelise, in this case, a modest conversion flat formed from the middle slice of a three-storey Victorian semi.
"You could do it," she says, casting an eye around my kitchen. "Anyone could do it. Absolutely no reason why not. But there has to be continuity between the rooms. A single idea must be followed through." She looks out wistfully over the fire escape. "And you'd have to buy the house next door, of course." That's a joke. I think.
It's worth pausing, though, to consider the oddness of this impulse. The hotel room is an amnesiac space. We would be troubled if it bore any sign of a previous occupant, particularly as many of us go to hotels in order to do things we would not do at home. We expect a hotel room to be cleaned as thoroughly as if a corpse had just been hauled from the bed. (In some cases, this will actually have happened.) The domestic interior embodies the opposite idea: it is a repository of memories. The story of its inhabitants ought to be there in the photos on the mantelpiece, the pictures on the wall, the books on the shelves. If hotel rooms were people, they would be smiling lobotomy patients or plausible psychopaths.

我家所在的伦敦SE26区里,曾经有著名美男美女夫妻杰森•斯坦森和凯莉•布鲁克住在社区牙医店楼上,可以说,我区对大人大事并不陌生!但是在精品酒店的创始人Anouska Hempel(安努斯卡•亨佩尔)女士的高跟鞋在楼下停车位的破水泥上打响时,尊贵的气质与低劣环境形成鲜明对比,难免想起二战时期报纸刊登不绝的英皇室走进受轰炸家庭的图像。当然,亨佩尔女士的来意不是为了慰问,那么这位酒店行业的偶像为什么来到伦敦的一个普通的生活区呢?她今天的目的是要给我再宝贵不过的建议:即怎么将普通住宅改装成一晚七千多元的五星级酒店的样式。从众多室内设计杂志专题报道和网上装修论坛上层出不穷的求助帖子来看,酒店套房的风格正是西方国家大半的房主拼命追求的时尚。今天呢,要被“亨佩尔化”的标的是我的家:已经有上百年历史的半独立式三层房屋二楼改过来的一套平平常常的公寓。

Here are a few of the questions I'm interested in:

1) How would you edit this professionally? I.e. what are style issues, and what are errors?

2) What could you do to make it more "Chinese"? I'm not a native speaker, any pointers would be helpful.

3) How do you reproduce the humour in Chinese? Particularly in the first few sentences, where the references to the British class system are hard to convey.

4) A few difficult phrases:
"a modest conversion flat formed from the middle slice of a three-storey Victorian semi"
"She looks out wistfully over the fire escape." - How do you do the "over"?
"If hotel rooms were people, they would be smiling lobotomy patients or plausible psychopaths."

Of course, any other general comments are very welcome.

[Edited at 2013-02-21 15:25 GMT]

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Echo Wu  Identity Verified
Local time: 14:34
English to Chinese
+ ...
很喜欢这篇译文 Feb 22, 2013


>> 我们对伦敦SE26区的光环并不陌生——杰森•斯坦森和凯莉•布鲁克这对明星情侣曾经就住在这里一家牙医诊所的楼上。

但是在精品酒店的创始人Anouska Hempel(安努斯卡•亨佩尔)女士的高跟鞋在楼下停车位的破水泥上打响时,尊贵的气质与低劣环境形成鲜明对比,难免想起二战时期报纸刊登不绝的英皇室走进受轰炸家庭的图像。
>>但是,当精品酒店创始人……时,难免令人想起二战时期《Picture Post》杂志刊登的英国皇室成员探访遭轰炸家庭的照片。
【Picture Post 是具体的杂志名称,参考:http://bpgartmedia.diandian.com/post/2012-07-03/40029911223 或 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Picture_Post……】

要被“亨佩尔化”的标的是我的家 >> 可以去掉”标的“或者将它改为”对象“】

她对着厨房稍看几眼 >>>【她朝厨房扫了一眼】
*关于fire escape,我参考了http://baike.baidu.com/view/148296.htm




[Edited at 2013-02-22 11:36 GMT]

[Edited at 2013-02-22 11:52 GMT]

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Phil Hand  Identity Verified
Local time: 14:34
Chinese to English
Moved to other thread Feb 22, 2013


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United Kingdom
Local time: 06:34
Helpful May 19, 2015

Nice information!

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English to Chinese competition entry 英译中比赛稿件

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