Chinese translation for Dylan Thomas poems

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TB CommuniCAT  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 20:30
Member (2014)
English to French
Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night May 7, 2014

Interesting article!
Does anyone know the Chinese version of Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night or can it be found anywhere on the web?


 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:30
Chinese to English
I found a version May 7, 2014

http://www.shigeku.org/xlib/lingshidao/yishi/thomas.htm

Online here, not by the author referenced in the news item

I don't like this version. It seems very literal and plodding to me, but I'm not a great reader of Chinese poetry, so don't take my word for it.

不要温和地走进那个良夜


不要温和地走进那个良夜,
老年应当在日暮时燃烧咆哮;
怒斥,怒斥光明的消逝。

虽然智慧的人临终时懂得黑暗有理,
因为他们的话没有进发出闪电,他们
也并不温和地走进那个良夜。

善良的人,当最后一浪过去,高呼他们脆弱的善行
可能曾会多么光辉地在绿色的海湾里舞蹈,
怒斥,怒斥光明的消逝。

狂暴的人抓住并歌唱过翱翔的太阳,
懂得,但为时太晚,他们使太阳在途中悲伤,
也并不温和地走进那个良夜。

严肃的人,接近死亡,用炫目的视觉看出
失明的跟睛可以像流星一样闪耀欢欣,
怒斥,恕斥光明的消逝。

您啊,我的父亲.在那悲哀的高处.
现在用您的热泪诅咒我,祝福我吧.我求您
不要温和地走进那个良夜。
怒斥.怒斥光明的消逝。

(巫宁坤译)


 

TB CommuniCAT  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 20:30
Member (2014)
English to French
I found a clip May 7, 2014

Thanks Phil! But, like you, I am not a fan of this version.

I found a clip where professor Wu read out his translation and it is pretty good in my opinion. Poems are not easy to translate.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jvN1cJLJ3M


 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:30
Chinese to English
Good find May 8, 2014

Yes, I like those stanzas much more than the version I posted above.

It's a tough one, though. I think 咆哮 is still a bit weak for "rage". I keep wondering if something more political would work - what's the word for when you scream at a political rally? But perhaps that's not quite right, not when the original brings to mind King Lear and maybe King Cnut... maybe 吼?


 

LilianNekipelov  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 20:30
Russian to English
+ ...
Great poet--I'm glad. One of my top ones. May 8, 2014

I visited his home-- a remarkable poet, and so tragic. He loved the sea, like I do.

[Edited at 2014-05-08 13:48 GMT]


 

TB CommuniCAT  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 20:30
Member (2014)
English to French
Rage May 8, 2014

I agree with you that his translation of "rage" is a bit weak. But, I can not think of an equivalent word that would fit into this poem. I listened to it again and I am not sure why, but this time I find that the poetic tone is a bit lacking too. I am not an expert in this area, so I might be mistaken. Overall, I think it was not bad. Before I criticize anything, I always think of if I would have been able to do it and the answer here is NOicon_smile.gif Any thoughts?

 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:30
Chinese to English
Yeah, I'll have a go May 8, 2014

What's the worst that can happen?

Do not go gentle into that good night, 彬彬有礼地步入黑夜——不可
Old age should burn and rave at close of day; 天变昏暗,长者应抗争燃火
Rage, rage against the dying of the light. 抬头一吼!捍拒日光的衰败

Though wise men at their end know dark is right, 道尽的慧心,知道黑暗不错
Because their words had forked no lightning they 没有惊天闪电的他
Do not go gentle into that good night. 不愿有序地步入黑夜

There, does that make sense?


 

TB CommuniCAT  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 20:30
Member (2014)
English to French
Good work! May 8, 2014

I like it and 抬头一吼! is a much better translation for "rage". Take care!

 

jyuan_us  Identity Verified
United States
Local time: 20:30
Member (2005)
English to Chinese
+ ...
Yes, but May 8, 2014

Phil Hand wrote:

Yes, I like those stanzas much more than the version I posted above.

It's a tough one, though. I think 咆哮 is still a bit weak for "rage". I keep wondering if something more political would work - what's the word for when you scream at a political rally? But perhaps that's not quite right, not when the original brings to mind King Lear and maybe King Cnut... maybe 吼?


The author you quoted is deemed as one of the top literary translators in China.


 

DLyons  Identity Verified
Ireland
Local time: 01:30
Spanish to English
+ ...
这一切都不会带来灾难。(As per GT) May 8, 2014

Phil Hand wrote:

What's the worst that can happen?

There, does that make sense?


Heading is from Elizabeth Bishop's "One Art", which is also a villanelle. The form must be almost untranslatable - especially to a language as different as Chinese.


 

Phil Hand  Identity Verified
China
Local time: 08:30
Chinese to English
"None of these will bring disaster." May 8, 2014

DLyons wrote:

Heading is from Elizabeth Bishop's "One Art", which is also a villanelle. The form must be almost untranslatable - especially to a language as different as Chinese.


That's probably true. There can't have been many disasters in the world brought on by bad poetry. The murder of John Shade in Pale Fire, perhaps? That Bishop poem is lovely.

(The form might work in Chinese - Chinese and English are actually not that dissimilar in structure: basically SVO but with fairly free word order and no endings.)

jyuan_us wrote:

The author you quoted is deemed as one of the top literary translators in China.

Hmm. I could be wrong, of course. But I'm pretty sure that "怒斥,怒斥" doesn't carry the same impact as "rage, rage".


 

TB CommuniCAT  Identity Verified
Canada
Local time: 20:30
Member (2014)
English to French
Just a thought.... May 9, 2014

Something just came to my mind. Would this work for rage: 衝
I was just thinking of a war type, political rally like what Phil mentioned previously


 


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Chinese translation for Dylan Thomas poems

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