Need help fixing a translation
Thread poster: Zekses

Zekses
Local time: 05:18
English to Russian
Aug 16, 2010

I`m not a native English speaker and, just to practice tried to translate first chapter of a russian book into English. If anyone helps me with comments about wrong word usage and general language I`d be very grateful. Its probably loaded with them, but who never tries, never learnsicon_smile.gif

The text is here : http://zhurnal.lib.ru/s/sore_w_h/nik.shtml It's only 16kb but if you don`t want t read it all you can just take a quick glance and comment on whatever you see.

The original text is by no means my work, it`s but a translation.


 

Chrisso (X)
Local time: 03:18
Japanese to English
+ ...
Reply Aug 16, 2010

You see, when we were just starting, the boss had a hard time....

I just plugged my glasses into a buddy-computer, put an unfinished book to the left glass, turned on the music, fixed my instrument bag ,also containing a powerful sub-notebook with
(not to sure about this section. It could be that I'm not familiar with some of the specialized terminology but I didn't fully understand it).

Mysteriously smiling, he was sipping coffee and smoking a cigarette, all this, being very comfortable in Olya`s chair.
(while, all the while, the whole time.. not sure what to replace it with but "all this" doesn't work.)

`I will now upload a summary of

expect this to take and who you're gonna use on

immediately, mine notified me of the direct connection

He inhaled the smoke and blew a ring upwards.

just over the horizon",
That's as far as I got. The rest is uncorrected.



There are a few mistakes but over all it reads well. Good job.


 

Zekses
Local time: 05:18
English to Russian
TOPIC STARTER
thank you Aug 16, 2010

Thx for feedback.

An important question : Will you continue to read if stumbled upon this text in the internet?

I`m trying to determine if my translation is actually worth continuing. Of course, it`s already proved to be an excellent practice but the goal is, actually, to give English speakers the possibility to read this book, which is quite interesting and popular in Russian section of the internet.

You see, when we were just starting, the boss had a hard time....


I`m particularly interested in my usage of "the" in the text. Is there plenty of places where it appears, but must not ?


 

Maja Basara  Identity Verified
Croatia
Local time: 04:18
English to Croatian
+ ...
Definite article Aug 16, 2010

Zekses wrote:
You see, when we were just starting, the boss had a hard time....


I`m particularly interested in my usage of "the" in the text. Is there plenty of places where it appears, but must not ?


You need the definite article "the" here because you're referring to a specific boss.

I noticed you're missing an indefinite article in the same sentence, so it's supposed to be:

You see, when we were just starting, the boss had a hard time finding a competent guy for the job...

Here is link regarding English articles you might find useful - http://www.world-english.org/articles.htm

[Edited at 2010-08-16 21:03 GMT]


 

philgoddard
United States
Member (2009)
German to English
+ ...
. Aug 16, 2010

In answer to your question, there are quite a few definite and indefinite articles missing - something that often gives away Russian speakers. It does have a translated feel to it, but it's still very impressive for a non-native speaker. One other thing: you need to vary the sentence length a bit to improve the rhythm, alternating long and short. At the moment there are too many long ones.

 

Zekses
Local time: 05:18
English to Russian
TOPIC STARTER
Questions Aug 16, 2010

Ok, here are some questions that have risen in the discussion of this translation:

1)
"the owner of the "Analysis and Business", where I happen to work"


This has, as I have been insistently notified, not one but two problems.

a)
the owner of the "Analysis and Business"

The person I`m disputing this with aggressively tries to persuade me that
"the owner of a cat" is OK while in this case it should be "business owner of the "Analysis and Business" "

Is this really correct? I sense a mistake here because to me - "business owner" means the existence of some other type of owner, which is totally not the case.

b)
"where I happen to work"


Again - I`m being told that this actually means dissatisfaction with the place main character works at...

I've done a quick internet search and found no hidden negative accent in this phrase, wherever I found it being used, am I wrong?

2) The usage of word "boss"
Is it used in modern English when someone is referring to his boss or some other word is used?


The person I'm discussing it with isn't a native speaker also but refers to "native speakers I know" so I'm a bit lost. Is my feeling of the language misleading me when it tells that he is wrong in all of these cases?


2 Maja Basara: thx for your link, much appreciated.

[Edited at 2010-08-16 22:13 GMT]


 

Chrisso (X)
Local time: 03:18
Japanese to English
+ ...
Answer Aug 17, 2010

'The owner of "Analysis and Business"' is fine. It's the name of a specific company. If there were lots of them you'd need to specify. E.g. "The owner of the shop on the corner" as there are lots of shops.

You do not need to use "business owner" as it's obvious from context. If you use business owner it would be assumed you mean the "owner of a business." I can't think of a context where there would be a business owner and another type of owner.

"Where I happen to work" does not denote dissatisfaction. It's more or less neutral though people may read more into the subtext.

(I doubt your friend is really checking with native English speakers)

[Edited at 2010-08-17 00:05 GMT]

[Edited at 2010-08-17 00:07 GMT]


 

Jack Doughty  Identity Verified
United Kingdom
Local time: 03:18
Member (2000)
Russian to English
+ ...
Further comments on first paragraph Aug 17, 2010

I've only studied the first paragraph of this, and would like to point out the following.

"without turning off anything also" should be "without turning anything else off"

I wouldn't abbreviate "because" to "'cause" (if abbreviated at all, it's usually to "'cos")
except in speech, and even then only if the person saying it is intended to be a sloppy speaker of English

"did not help brightening" should be "did not help to brighten".

In the same sentence, there should be a comma after "advance)" but not after "had".

I agree with others that this is a very good effort for a non-native speaker.


 

Heinrich Pesch  Identity Verified
Finland
Local time: 05:18
Member (2003)
Finnish to German
+ ...
Try to use Word spell checker Aug 17, 2010

When I pasted the last paragraph into Word it indicated "was striken" and the missing space. The same happens here in Google Chrome with English spell checking on.

So I believe you could improve your translation somewhat using simple technical aids. Probably a lot of your missing or superfluous or wrong articles would be detected also using grammar checking.

Cheers
Heinrich


 

Zekses
Local time: 05:18
English to Russian
TOPIC STARTER
grammar checking software Aug 17, 2010

An interesting suggestionicon_smile.gif I will check it in MS Word. Is there any software that does this kind of thing as a main operation? As far as I can remember, word only suggests punctuation.

 

Heinrich Pesch  Identity Verified
Finland
Local time: 05:18
Member (2003)
Finnish to German
+ ...
False apostrophes Aug 17, 2010

You seem to use some strange character as apostrophe ('). And it should be "doesn't". Word will notice these too.
Heinrich


 

Zekses
Local time: 05:18
English to Russian
TOPIC STARTER
:) Aug 17, 2010

Yes, other people notice this tooicon_smile.gif The problem is - there is no correct apostrophe character on my keyboard. It was probably decided to be unnecessary when Russian layout was developed and they sacrificed it for extra letters. I will use MS Words replace option for now, but I still hope to find an acceptable solution in the internet. ` - makes a tolerable substitute in chat but indeed, is not fit for literary work.

[Edited at 2010-08-17 14:00 GMT]


 


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