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wrapped his slyness around her like soft cotton blanket

English translation: like a soft cotton (etc., below)

20:45 Mar 24, 2005
English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / children's literature
English term or phrase: wrapped his slyness around her like soft cotton blanket
Cat’s Eye’s eyes burnt with a yellow fire, as he wrapped his slyness around her like soft cotton blanket leaving no strength in her to resist. She knew she should not trust him, but there was nothing she could do.

Dear native English speakers!
Please advise if this metaphor sounds well enough in English. Being translated from Russian, it may sound a bit awkward - please let me know if it is really so. Then I'll try to fix it, according to your recommendations.

Cat's Eye is sort of hypnotizing her in his own sly manner, trying to make her help him (and he's a bad guy).
Andrew Vdovin
Local time: 08:46
Selected answer:like a soft cotton (etc., below)
Explanation:
I would drop one comma, add another, use "a" soft cotton ...
==================================
Cat’s Eye’s eyes burnt with a yellow fire as he wrapped his slyness around her like a soft cotton blanket, leaving no strength in her to resist. She knew she should not trust him, but there was nothing she could do.
Selected response from:

Michael Schubert
United States
Local time: 18:46
Grading comment
Thank you very much for your help, Michael! Thanks everybody!!!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED
4 +7like a soft cotton (etc., below)
Michael Schubert
4 +2slyness....not so sure
Robert Donahue (X)
4his slyness enveloped her like a soft cotton blanket
Rebekah Wils (X)
4as he dominated her gently like a soft cotton blanket
Clauwolf
4enveloped her with his persuasiveness around her like a soft cotton blanket
Refugio
3as his slyness wrapped around her like a soft cotton blanket
mportal


  

Answers


4 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +7
like a soft cotton (etc., below)


Explanation:
I would drop one comma, add another, use "a" soft cotton ...
==================================
Cat’s Eye’s eyes burnt with a yellow fire as he wrapped his slyness around her like a soft cotton blanket, leaving no strength in her to resist. She knew she should not trust him, but there was nothing she could do.

Michael Schubert
United States
Local time: 18:46
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 12
Grading comment
Thank you very much for your help, Michael! Thanks everybody!!!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Can Altinbay: Nice.
7 mins
agree  JeffFish (X): good one
8 mins
agree  NancyLynn
48 mins
agree  Shane London
1 hr
agree  Robert Donahue (X): If you change it to "as his slyness wrapped" I'd say that yours is by far the best choice here.
1 hr
agree  juvera
16 hrs
agree  Ken Cox: 'Slyness' is not usually used in this way in English, but this is literature, and where would the language be without creativity? A more conventional (and very good) English word in this context would be 'wiles'.
18 hrs
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18 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
his slyness enveloped her like a soft cotton blanket


Explanation:
as in "Cat’s Eye’s eyes burnt with a yellow fire: his slyness enveloped her like a soft cotton blanket, and she was unable to resist", or something...

Rebekah Wils (X)
Local time: 02:46
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 4
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17 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
slyness....not so sure


Explanation:
Cat's Eye's (His) eyes burned with a yellow fire, as he slyly wrapped himself around her like a soft cotton blanket leaving her with no will to resist. She knew that she shouldn't trust him, but there was nothing she could do.

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Note added at 22 mins (2005-03-24 21:07:19 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I suggest dropping \"slyness\" because for one, it\'s an adverb. Two...how does one phrase this politely?. More may be read into it (without context) than is actually there.

Robert Donahue (X)
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 44

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Rebekah Wils (X): I think this is good...probably a good idea to drop slyness as a noun
1 min
  -> Thank you Rebekah
neutral  Michael Schubert: It's good, but the meaning is changed. Wrapping his slyness around her means using his slyness on her; wrapping herself around her slyly is quite another thing! Of course, only the asker knows what the original Russian says ...
7 mins
  -> You're right Michael. I get what he's trying to convey. The trick is how to do it. Maybe replacing slyness with charm or something similar?
agree  RHELLER: never heard of wrapping slyness
8 mins
  -> Thank you Rita
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23 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
as his slyness wrapped around her like a soft cotton blanket


Explanation:
It is quite clear what you mean from the way that you have expressed it, but somehow it sounds more natural to me to say that 'his slyness wrapped around her' than that 'he wrapped it around her' (which sounds more as if you are using the word 'wrapped' more literally.) As it is 'his' slyness, this implies, in any case, that it comes from his bad intentions.

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Note added at 25 mins (2005-03-24 21:10:51 GMT)
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As it is a children\'s story, I thought it might be better to avoid \'enveloped\', although that is more elegant.

mportal
Local time: 02:46
Works in field
Native speaker of: English
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43 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
as he dominated her gently like a soft cotton blanket


Explanation:
:)

Clauwolf
Local time: 22:46
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in PortuguesePortuguese
PRO pts in category: 11
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2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
enveloped her with his persuasiveness around her like a soft cotton blanket


Explanation:
another possibility

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Note added at 2 hrs 9 mins (2005-03-24 22:54:14 GMT)
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oops, sorry, omit \"around her\"

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Note added at 2 hrs 10 mins (2005-03-24 22:55:52 GMT)
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Virginia Woolf once used a metaphor like this (\"wrapped in cotton wool\" I believe it was) to mean a fuzzy state of mind

Refugio
Local time: 18:46
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 120
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