for translation check

Japanese translation: Brush up

GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
English term or phrase:for translation check
Japanese translation:Brush up
Entered by: kokuritsu

05:00 Apr 18, 2005
English to Japanese translations [Non-PRO]
Marketing - Business/Commerce (general)
English term or phrase: for translation check
I request a simple favour. Can you please check the eng-jpn translation. it will immensely help my learning. thanks.

The name given in excel sheet received from Japan is ABCロジスティクス. When we exported the sheet for taking a backup, we found the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we changed it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.

日本語:日本チームから頂いたシートに書いてある企業名はABCロジスティクスである。但し、バックアップの為、シートをエクスポートした時、registryIDに該当する企業名はエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社で、それをレポートした時、企業名を変更するよう旨の指示を受けました。
baburam
Brush up
Explanation:
Seems the Asker baburam-San well grasps the meanings of the sentences.
Keeping corrections to a minimum, a native speaker would give a finishing
touch as follows:
1. (2nd sentence)「・・・エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社であることが分かり、その旨、レポートしたあとで、」 (“found (分かり)” needs to be rendered in this Japanese context)
2. (If “intentional” as Kurt-san and Krishna-san say,) 「企業名を変更するよう指示を受けた」(”よう旨の”is not the expression we use. Either “よう”or”旨の.” For the end of the sentence, see 4.)
3. (If not “intentional”) 「企業名をそのように変更した。」
4. The “desu-masu” style (2nd sentence) and “da-dearu” style (1st sentence), which have lately been discussed, I guess, on this site, are mixed in the translation. The former, a polite, colloquial style; the latter, written bookish style. You can see the difference mostly by seeing how the verb at the end of a sentence conjugates. Better be unified.
Hope it helps.
Selected response from:

kokuritsu
Local time: 16:54
Grading comment
thankyou mama
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
4 +1Brush up
kokuritsu
3 +1slight variations between E and J
Kurt Hammond


  

Answers


26 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
slight variations between E and J


Explanation:
Just a quick glance, but I notice a couple variations between the E and J. Are these intentional?
The J version appears to have more information than the E version.

Most significantly:

we found the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we changed it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.

Backtranslation of the Japanese version says:
the name was エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社 for that registry ID, and after reporting such thing, we we received direction to change it toエクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 1 hr 26 mins (2005-04-18 06:26:43 GMT)
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Also, translation seems ok assuming these differences in meaning are intentional.

Kurt Hammond
United States
Local time: 00:54
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 22

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  krishna mallick: you have given the answer but his translation seems to be good, right?
55 mins
  -> Yes, translation seems ok assuming these differences in meaning are intentional.
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Brush up


Explanation:
Seems the Asker baburam-San well grasps the meanings of the sentences.
Keeping corrections to a minimum, a native speaker would give a finishing
touch as follows:
1. (2nd sentence)「・・・エクセル・ロジスティクス株式会社であることが分かり、その旨、レポートしたあとで、」 (“found (分かり)” needs to be rendered in this Japanese context)
2. (If “intentional” as Kurt-san and Krishna-san say,) 「企業名を変更するよう指示を受けた」(”よう旨の”is not the expression we use. Either “よう”or”旨の.” For the end of the sentence, see 4.)
3. (If not “intentional”) 「企業名をそのように変更した。」
4. The “desu-masu” style (2nd sentence) and “da-dearu” style (1st sentence), which have lately been discussed, I guess, on this site, are mixed in the translation. The former, a polite, colloquial style; the latter, written bookish style. You can see the difference mostly by seeing how the verb at the end of a sentence conjugates. Better be unified.
Hope it helps.


kokuritsu
Local time: 16:54
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in JapaneseJapanese
PRO pts in category: 32
Grading comment
thankyou mama

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Yutaka Matsumoto: 「日本チームから頂いた」could be also brushed up to 「日本チームから来た」.
2 hrs
  -> 謝謝。Maybe. I've tried to keep correction to the minimum.
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