Glossary entry (derived from question below)
English term or phrase:
(yes/no on ad text)
English answer:
Subtle changes plus punctuation. Yeah.
Added to glossary by
zaphod
Jul 20, 2004 14:52
20 yrs ago
English term
(yes/no on ad text)
English
Marketing
Advertising / Public Relations
An image of a running water tap, as if "floating in the air", against a blue sky background. Text (provided by the client of a design project that I'm doing) goes like this:
"Solutions don’t just come out of the blue.
There’s got to be something behind them.
Like decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how
and a long list of satisfied clients.
And the ability to make things happen.
_______________________
XYZ Electronics. The partner behind your solutions."
Does it ring right?
Apologies to those who might think I should have posted a small job on this one. This is not going to English-speaking markets, and basically I am not expected to fiddle with it. Anyway, I thought I'd have a general yes/no from native speakers, just in case.
"Solutions don’t just come out of the blue.
There’s got to be something behind them.
Like decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how
and a long list of satisfied clients.
And the ability to make things happen.
_______________________
XYZ Electronics. The partner behind your solutions."
Does it ring right?
Apologies to those who might think I should have posted a small job on this one. This is not going to English-speaking markets, and basically I am not expected to fiddle with it. Anyway, I thought I'd have a general yes/no from native speakers, just in case.
Responses
5 +2 | Subtle changes plus punctuation. Yeah. | zaphod |
4 +12 | Sounds fine to me | IanW (X) |
5 | that sounds good | Nanny Wintjens |
4 +1 | no! | moken |
5 | you're there 90 per cent with this copy | Peter Skipp |
4 | Ability makes things happen | Michael Powers (PhD) |
4 | bad metaphor :-( | Kevin Pfeiffer (X) |
Responses
+2
44 mins
Selected
Subtle changes plus punctuation. Yeah.
"Solutions don’t just come out of the blue; there’s got to be something behind them:
Decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how, and a long list of satisfied clients.
Plus the ability to make things happen.
Decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialized know-how, and a long list of satisfied clients.
Plus the ability to make things happen.
3 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "Thanks a lot, all!
I'll leave it as it is, I'll only use Zaphod's suggestion of "Plus", to avoid the repetition of "and" (special thanks, Zaphod!).
Alvaro: reasonable remark, since you were only reading the quoted text. The link that you felt was missing is actually there, visually aided by the ad's graphic composition. Anyway, I am inserting a leading element connecting "... something behind it" to "like decades..." playing the role of a visual hyphen. Hint appreciated :)
Kevin and Ruth: I see what you mean, but it's a different concept - not illustrative imagery, quite the contrary: it's a "classic" water tap intentionally lacking any association with electronics. The point is in the obvious lack of logic (there's no such thing as a running tap floating in the air) which both attracts attention and puts the message in context. BTW the sky is a desert sky: saturated blue, blinding sun, and a streak of dunes beneath. Hence, the "solution" - running water in the desert, "coming out of the blue".
Peter: thank you for the well thought-out version. Using "someone" instead of "something", however, shifts the accent towards the human factor - which, in this specific case, doesn't work with the branding strategy. The informal ring ("just", "got to") is also needed. Else, I see the point in your British-vs.-US English remark, and will remember it.
Vixen: thanks for your comment to Mike - you've got that right :)
Once again, thanks for your input, everyone!"
+12
2 mins
Sounds fine to me
Sounds fine to me - I'd leave it exactly as it is.
Peer comment(s):
agree |
RHELLER
: the punctuation is a little off but I expect that's for effect :-)
5 mins
|
agree |
Kurt Porter
9 mins
|
agree |
vixen
: I'm not a native speaker, but I agree nonetheless.
11 mins
|
agree |
Vicky Papaprodromou
20 mins
|
agree |
Melanie Nassar
: except I'd probably delete the first *and* ( a long list) and use a comma after know-how.
24 mins
|
agree |
Sol
36 mins
|
agree |
Alev Ellington
2 hrs
|
agree |
Asghar Bhatti
2 hrs
|
agree |
Alfa Trans (X)
3 hrs
|
agree |
Jörgen Slet
: It sounds fine, but I think Álvaro has a point, too
3 hrs
|
agree |
Ramesh Madhavan
16 hrs
|
agree |
Refugio
: The text sounds ok, and is understandable (at least to native speakers), but the image of the running water may be confusing.
4 days
|
3 mins
Ability makes things happen
Overall it sounds nice.
I would change the last line to:
"Ability makes things happen." And I would put it in bold print. That way it is the summation of everything that precedes.
Mike :)
I would change the last line to:
"Ability makes things happen." And I would put it in bold print. That way it is the summation of everything that precedes.
Mike :)
6 mins
that sounds good
X
+1
39 mins
no!
Hi Invguy,
Given the choice of having to say yes or no and wanting to express an opinion, then no!
Upon first reading, the link between "There’s got to be something behind them." and "Like decades of professional experience" wasn't immediately obvious, it didn't click and forced me to re-read it. Obviously, once understood it flows easily, but I think it is necessary that it clicks right from the start, since this is an advertising text.
Personally I'd reinforce that link inserting a little 'something' in front of 'like'. Whether that would mean moving it onto the previous line is a different matter. However, I do think the text would be more immediate.
Otherwise, yeah it's fine!!
Good luck,
álvaro :O)
Given the choice of having to say yes or no and wanting to express an opinion, then no!
Upon first reading, the link between "There’s got to be something behind them." and "Like decades of professional experience" wasn't immediately obvious, it didn't click and forced me to re-read it. Obviously, once understood it flows easily, but I think it is necessary that it clicks right from the start, since this is an advertising text.
Personally I'd reinforce that link inserting a little 'something' in front of 'like'. Whether that would mean moving it onto the previous line is a different matter. However, I do think the text would be more immediate.
Otherwise, yeah it's fine!!
Good luck,
álvaro :O)
2 hrs
bad metaphor :-(
"Water" comes out of _my_ tap (we'll ignore reality), not (chemical) "solutions" (such as those used to rinse printed circuit boards)...
1 day 1 hr
you're there 90 per cent with this copy
"Copy" means the text. Below is a subtle edit. The rule is to use British, not US English if the campaign is going to be worldwide. US English applies only in the mainland USA. There are a couple of other minor interventions.
---
Solutions don’t come out of the blue.
There has to be someone behind them.
Someone with decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialised know-how,
a long list of satisfied clients.
And the ability to make things happen.
XYZ Electronics. The partner behind your solutions.
---
Good luck!
---
Solutions don’t come out of the blue.
There has to be someone behind them.
Someone with decades of professional experience,
a wealth of specialised know-how,
a long list of satisfied clients.
And the ability to make things happen.
XYZ Electronics. The partner behind your solutions.
---
Good luck!
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