rephrasing

English translation: [below]

17:39 Apr 17, 2006

English language (monolingual) [PRO]
Law/Patents - Law: Contract(s) / non-disclosure letter

English term or phrase: rephrasing

I'm finishing the proofreading of a non-disclosure letter and am having a hard time rephrasing this sentence of the original material. Any help is appreciated:

"**In connection with your consideration of a possible transaction with ______________________ , owner of 0.99999% of the shares of “xxx”( The Company) and other possible OWNERS you have requested information concerning the Company.** As a condition to your being furnished such information, you agree to treat any information concerning the Company (whether prepared by ___________, its advisors or otherwise) which is furnished to you by or on behalf ____________ (herein collectively referred to as the "Evaluation Material") in accordance with the provisions of this letter and to take or abstain from taking certain other actions herein set forth. ."

TIA

Yvonne Becker KudoZ activity Questions: 4265 (2 open) (3 without valid answers) (73 closed without grading) Answers: 2174
Local time: 06:00

Selected answer:[below]

Explanation:
In connection with a possible transaction between you and YYY, owner of 0.99990% of the shares of xxx....

This wording would be more economical, while preserving the original meaning. "Your consideration of" here is pure fat, and would be implicitly understood.

Selected response from:

Robert Forstag
United States
Local time: 06:00

Grading comment

Thanks a lot
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

SUMMARY OF ALL EXPLANATIONS PROVIDED

4 +6

[below]

Robert Forstag

rephrasing

Gail Patricia Bulla - nee Charrion

In regard to the potential transaction, the information you requested ...

Raging Dreamer

Answers

9 mins confidence:

peer agreement (net): +6

[below]

Robert Forstag
United States
Local time: 06:00
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 8

Grading comment

Thanks a lot

19 mins confidence:

In regard to the potential transaction, the information you requested ...

Explanation:
In regard to the potential transaction, the information you requested on _________, owner of 0.99999% of the shares of "xxx"( The Company), and other possible owners...

If you still want to keep the entirety of the sentence, though I agree that "consideration of a possible transaction" is unnecessary. :)

Raging Dreamer
United States
Local time: 06:00
Native speaker of:

English

19 hrs confidence:

rephrasing

Explanation:
Sorry, but I disagree with most of the responses given. In legal documents, “less isn’t more”! If I understand your extract from this non-disclosure letter correctly, the transaction has not yet been entered into so I would leave in “your consideration of a possible transaction”. “Consideration” is also a legal term meaning “money” or “the payment” that the client is going to put forward for the transaction.

Gail Patricia Bulla - nee Charrion
United Kingdom
Local time: 11:00
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 4

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