proud and free

English translation: To her alone I sing the love song of my dreams

13:47 Apr 23, 2005
English to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / children's literature
English term or phrase: proud and free
Dear native English speakers!
The following verse is my translation from Russian.
Would someone please help me with the last line of the first stanza? I’ve been racking my brains trying to think what to put in the end of the line. The only thing I’ve come up with is “proud and free”, and I’m not happy with it at all. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
Thank you.

A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it used to,
But brighter to me,
And this love song I sing
Just for her, **********.

Like a nightingale’s trill
Ringing over the dell,
May this song be a proof
That I love Alabelle.
If my only beloved
Afield I should see,
I would sing her my song…
Would she listen to me?

Oh how sweet is the tune
Of this crystal-clear well,
Just as clear as my love
For my dear Alabelle!
There’s none other as fair
Or more lovely than she,
And my love song is meant
Just for her, may it be.

Sorry for such an out-of-the-way question, but I do really need someone's help.
Andrew Vdovin
Local time: 11:31
English translation:To her alone I sing the love song of my dreams
Explanation:
A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it did,
But brighter now it seems,
To her alone I sing
This love song of my dreams.
Selected response from:

Refugio
Local time: 21:31
Grading comment
Thank you Ruth, your version seems to be the best. Thanks everybody!!!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +3suggestion
Ken Cox
4 +1a reverie
Elizabeth Lyons
4 +1To her alone I sing the love song of my dreams
Refugio
3lovely as can be/lovely
Robert Donahue (X)


Discussion entries: 3





  

Answers


1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
a reverie


Explanation:
A reverie is nostalgic dreaming and reflecting, it implies longing. Put the emphasis on the last syllable and it reads: "rev-er-EE".

You could say "in reverIE" as an alternate, either rhymes, has the right syntax and rhythym as well as an appropriate sentiment, just a suggestion:)--it is also a hair more poetic and less used these days. More 19th century in tone ;)

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Note added at 1 hr 51 mins (2005-04-23 15:38:35 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I can give you a full definition of reverie, by the way, but one thing that appeals to me about it, in addition to its early Victorian overtones, it is also a musical term indicating a dreamy state of musing.

Elizabeth Lyons
United States
Local time: 21:31
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 24

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Can Altinbay: Yes, very nice.
8 hrs
  -> Thanks, Can:)
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1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +3
suggestion


Explanation:
I can't think of anything suitable if you have to rhyme with 'me', but if you can use something other than 'me' you have other options.

One possibility:

The sun shines as it always has,
But brighter now in tone,
And I sing this song of love
Just for her alone.

Ken Cox
Local time: 06:31
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 88

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Kirill Semenov
3 hrs

agree  Can Altinbay: I like this, too.
8 hrs

agree  jennifer newsome (X)
9 hrs
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6 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
lovely as can be/lovely


Explanation:
A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it used to,
But brighter to me,
And this love song I sing
Just for her,lovely as can be.

A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it used to,
But brighter to me,
And this love song I sing
Just for her, my lovely.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 6 mins (2005-04-23 19:54:03 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

slight revision

A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it used to,
But brighter still to me,
And this love song I sing
Just for her, lovely as can be.

Robert Donahue (X)
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 44
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

15 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
To her alone I sing the love song of my dreams


Explanation:
A light breeze rustled through,
Then down ice droplets fell;
How am I not to sing
When I love Alabelle?
The sun shines as it did,
But brighter now it seems,
To her alone I sing
This love song of my dreams.

Refugio
Local time: 21:31
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 120
Grading comment
Thank you Ruth, your version seems to be the best. Thanks everybody!!!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Robert Donahue (X): Nice rhyme : )
12 hrs
  -> Thanks, Rob
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)



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