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a keepsake video Philm and moving slideshow

Chinese translation: 8 easy steps

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21:58 Oct 24, 2005
English to Chinese translations [PRO]
Tech/Engineering - Computers: Software / Advertisement
English term or phrase: a keepsake video Philm and moving slideshow
Hello, Translators and linguists

I did an advertisement translation. Here is the source text the client provided:

“Thank you for purchasing Philm. This guide will show you how to turn your digital photos into a keepsake video Philm and moving slideshow in 8 easy steps. It’s quick and easy–and it’s fun!”

Here is my translation:

“感谢您选购Philm产品。这份介绍将向您说明如何通过8个步骤,便可以把您的数码照片变成Philm视频片和轮播幻灯片,留作永久纪念。用法简便,趣味横生!”

Here is the comment from the client’s editor or the comment the client received:

“Although missing part of the original meaning, it sounds ok.”

Please be sure to tell me your comments in English, so my client can understand what seems to be the problem that I do not see here. Thank you in advance!
Kevin Yang
Local time: 09:31
Chinese translation:8 easy steps
Explanation:
8 easy steps

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs 58 mins (2005-10-25 03:57:03 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

A quick check on Google: '8个步骤' = '8 easy steps' seems a pretty common translation. Should be OK?

以简单的八步 is another, but I am not sure about 简单. 方便 seems better?



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 4 mins (2005-10-25 04:02:25 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

'方便'不好.顺利,顺手,便利,容易,易...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 54 mins (2005-10-25 04:52:39 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

How much editing/suggestions...?

guide - 说明书?指南? depending how big it is? 介绍 = introduction?
将向 -> change to 会?
说明 -> change to 表示?
如何以8个步骤,把您
Philm纪念式?视频片和轮播幻灯片
又快,又便利



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 1 min (2005-10-25 05:59:08 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

slide show = 幻灯播放

In my (brutally honest) view, you've changed the tempo, emphasis and effect of the ad, your translation is too much word for word, something is missing, you haven't taken into account some of the differences between English and Chinese.

Chinese doesn't use personal pronouns as much as English for example. I will try to rewrite just to illustrate (because I would never claim to be an English to Chinese translator). But you could also try using a Chinese-style of ad language maybe, which is something I have no idea about (but I think someone like Last Hermit would.). To give it impact in the market, I suggest being an 'actor' to project the sound and force of the original into the target language. This just won't work word for word, you have to feel the sense of it.I think the agency and customer might find it a bit flat and boring as an ad. Will it work in the marketplace. Genre and purpose? Give it 100%.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 18 mins (2005-10-25 06:16:48 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

“Thank you for purchasing Philm. (3) This guide will show you how to turn your digital photos into a keepsake video Philm and moving slideshow in 8 easy steps. (13) It’s quick and easy–and it’s fun!”(3) 35 words

“感谢您选购Philm产品。(5)这份介绍将向您说明如何通过8个步骤,便可以把您的数码照片变成Philm视频片和轮播幻灯片,留作永久纪念。(18)用法简便,趣味横生!(4)”37 words

"感谢您选择Philm.(4) 这份介绍会告诉您以简单的八步如何把数码照片变成Philm纪念式视频片和幻灯播放.(13)又快又便利,又颇有趣儿!(4)" 32 words

I have written in the number of stressed beats in the sentences. OK I was too harsh. The first and last sentences are OK, but the middle one is too long, IMO.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 20 mins (2005-10-25 06:19:03 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Whoops. moving slideshow, I've missed out the 'moving'. I don't even know what it means...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 11 hrs 13 mins (2005-10-25 09:11:34 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

slide = a piece of photographic film through which you shine light to show a picture. 幻灯片 eg They showed us the slides of their holiday. 他们给我们放映了他们度假时拍的幻灯片. a slide show 放映幻灯片 (朗文进阶词典)

slides are still photographs, they do not move. You put them in a frame or carousel in a slide projector, hang up a sheet in the room and show them to visitors in the evening for their enjoyment. You change the slides by hand (frame) or with a remote control (carousel). It was very traditional, from around the 1950s on I suppose.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 21 hrs 15 mins (2005-10-25 19:13:35 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

moving - 产品的特征 - product feature - quite important - could be 'what you missed out'.
I am pretty sure it is not 动人 - because what I expect from this writing would not be that.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 days (2005-10-29 04:15:39 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

http://www.translationdirectory.com/article591.htm

No apologies. 效果最重要. Translating advertising copy is like translating literature...some of the slogans are like poetry,very condensed, for impact.
Selected response from:

chica nueva
Local time: 06:31
Grading comment
Thank you, all my dear linguists! Your inputs and efforts helped me a lot to understand this situation. I would like to award Lesley for catching my omission of "easy" in "8 easy steps". But, the editor's comment seems very much overacting and exaggerated. Have a great day!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
5IMHO
Philip Tang
4Philm视频片和轮播幻灯片,作留念之用
Jianjun Zhang
3 +1FYI
Last Hermit
3 -18 easy steps
chica nueva


Discussion entries: 16





  

Answers


2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
a keepsake video philm and moving slideshow
Philm视频片和轮播幻灯片,作留念之用


Explanation:
I think here's a overtranslation of keepsake. It is just a keepsake, although it may be kept permanently. And something missing here is "8 easy steps" as Lesley suggested. Another thing is "quick and easy", you translated "easy", but not "quick", in my opinion.

Jianjun Zhang
United Kingdom
Local time: 17:31
Native speaker of: Native in ChineseChinese

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  Philip Tang: 简便 is 'quick and easy'; we don't need to follow the English sentence structure (for culture sake!). If we say '快捷简便' this is over-working the Chinese words a little! BUT I understand your thinking and respect your opinion!
3 hrs
  -> Thanks Commuease, your suggestion is good.
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

5 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5
a keepsake video philm and moving slideshow
IMHO


Explanation:
IMHO
Kevin, you have done your best to interpret the original meaning as faithfully as one can possibly achieve (without deviation or exaggeration).

An ideal editor would be one who could claim “native speaker” of the relevant two languages (better yet, understand the culture differences of the two languages). Anything shorter than that, you would be facing an uphill battle to win your claim.

To allow the editor to “SEE” your thought in the Chinese version translation, I tried to translate your Chinese version back into English as follow:

[Thank you for purchasing Philm. This guide will show you, in 8 easy steps, how to turn your digital photos into video Philm and moving slideshow, (for) keepsake.
It’s quick and easy–and it’s fun!”]

All I did here is changing the phrase (a keepsake) to (for keepsake) and put it in the back of the sentence. All others remain intact.

IMHO – translation doesn’t come any better than this! (I mean your translation – not mind. Ha! Ha!)


Philip Tang
China
Local time: 01:31
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in ChineseChinese
PRO pts in category: 31
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

9 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
a keepsake video philm and moving slideshow
FYI


Explanation:
  中文习惯不整天说“你/他/我的”。比如我们说“多谢惠顾!”但从不说“多谢您的惠顾!”。这点翻译时应多加注意。
  以下仅供参考:
  1)多谢购买Philm产品。本产品可为您留住难忘一刻,变数码照片为精彩动人的影片和幻灯,永久珍藏。操作简单、方便,八步搞掂!详阅本说明。

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 9 hrs 48 mins (2005-10-25 07:46:57 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

  2)多谢惠顾!本说明将教您如何在8步内把数码照片变成精彩、动人的影片和幻灯,永久珍藏。操作简易,妙趣横生。

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 9 hrs 51 mins (2005-10-25 07:49:16 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

改“操作简易”为“乐趣无穷”。

Last Hermit
Local time: 01:31
Native speaker of: Native in ChineseChinese
PRO pts in category: 12

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  chica nueva: That's the style-就这个模样,真会写作!佩服.'moving = 精彩动人的'? - 也许.
1 hr
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

37 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): -1
a keepsake video philm and moving slideshow
8 easy steps


Explanation:
8 easy steps

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs 58 mins (2005-10-25 03:57:03 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

A quick check on Google: '8个步骤' = '8 easy steps' seems a pretty common translation. Should be OK?

以简单的八步 is another, but I am not sure about 简单. 方便 seems better?



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 4 mins (2005-10-25 04:02:25 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

'方便'不好.顺利,顺手,便利,容易,易...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 hrs 54 mins (2005-10-25 04:52:39 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

How much editing/suggestions...?

guide - 说明书?指南? depending how big it is? 介绍 = introduction?
将向 -> change to 会?
说明 -> change to 表示?
如何以8个步骤,把您
Philm纪念式?视频片和轮播幻灯片
又快,又便利



--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 1 min (2005-10-25 05:59:08 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

slide show = 幻灯播放

In my (brutally honest) view, you've changed the tempo, emphasis and effect of the ad, your translation is too much word for word, something is missing, you haven't taken into account some of the differences between English and Chinese.

Chinese doesn't use personal pronouns as much as English for example. I will try to rewrite just to illustrate (because I would never claim to be an English to Chinese translator). But you could also try using a Chinese-style of ad language maybe, which is something I have no idea about (but I think someone like Last Hermit would.). To give it impact in the market, I suggest being an 'actor' to project the sound and force of the original into the target language. This just won't work word for word, you have to feel the sense of it.I think the agency and customer might find it a bit flat and boring as an ad. Will it work in the marketplace. Genre and purpose? Give it 100%.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 18 mins (2005-10-25 06:16:48 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

“Thank you for purchasing Philm. (3) This guide will show you how to turn your digital photos into a keepsake video Philm and moving slideshow in 8 easy steps. (13) It’s quick and easy–and it’s fun!”(3) 35 words

“感谢您选购Philm产品。(5)这份介绍将向您说明如何通过8个步骤,便可以把您的数码照片变成Philm视频片和轮播幻灯片,留作永久纪念。(18)用法简便,趣味横生!(4)”37 words

"感谢您选择Philm.(4) 这份介绍会告诉您以简单的八步如何把数码照片变成Philm纪念式视频片和幻灯播放.(13)又快又便利,又颇有趣儿!(4)" 32 words

I have written in the number of stressed beats in the sentences. OK I was too harsh. The first and last sentences are OK, but the middle one is too long, IMO.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 8 hrs 20 mins (2005-10-25 06:19:03 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Whoops. moving slideshow, I've missed out the 'moving'. I don't even know what it means...

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 11 hrs 13 mins (2005-10-25 09:11:34 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

slide = a piece of photographic film through which you shine light to show a picture. 幻灯片 eg They showed us the slides of their holiday. 他们给我们放映了他们度假时拍的幻灯片. a slide show 放映幻灯片 (朗文进阶词典)

slides are still photographs, they do not move. You put them in a frame or carousel in a slide projector, hang up a sheet in the room and show them to visitors in the evening for their enjoyment. You change the slides by hand (frame) or with a remote control (carousel). It was very traditional, from around the 1950s on I suppose.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 21 hrs 15 mins (2005-10-25 19:13:35 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

moving - 产品的特征 - product feature - quite important - could be 'what you missed out'.
I am pretty sure it is not 动人 - because what I expect from this writing would not be that.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 4 days (2005-10-29 04:15:39 GMT) Post-grading
--------------------------------------------------

http://www.translationdirectory.com/article591.htm

No apologies. 效果最重要. Translating advertising copy is like translating literature...some of the slogans are like poetry,very condensed, for impact.

chica nueva
Local time: 06:31
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 83
Grading comment
Thank you, all my dear linguists! Your inputs and efforts helped me a lot to understand this situation. I would like to award Lesley for catching my omission of "easy" in "8 easy steps". But, the editor's comment seems very much overacting and exaggerated. Have a great day!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
disagree  Philip Tang: in 8 easy steps (通过8个步骤), whatelse do you deem necessary to appear in the translation?
4 hrs
  -> 以简单的八步?
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)




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