Les deux filles le remercièrent plus soulagées que déçues

English translation: See comment below...

22:48 Apr 28, 2005
French to English translations [PRO]
Linguistics / bilingual teen novel
French term or phrase: Les deux filles le remercièrent plus soulagées que déçues
Les deux filles le remercièrent plus soulagées que déçues de n’avoir pu s’introduire dans la propriété

the two girls really wanted to finally be able to enter this dreaded Monastery, but they're turned back by a security guard.

My lame version:
The two girls thanked him, more relieved than disappointed not to have been able to enter the property.
is this all right? can it not use some tweaking?
please tell me if i'm going overboard with my questions.
TIA!
Sandra C.
France
Local time: 02:14
English translation:See comment below...
Explanation:
I think your opening is perfectly fine, but I would change the end bit. All that bit about 'property' is so very French, I would cut it short and just say "...at not having been able to get in"

or shorter still, though of doubtful rhythm:

"...at not getting in"
Selected response from:

Tony M
France
Local time: 02:14
Grading comment
perfect! thank you Dusty!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +9See comment below...
Tony M
4 +2the two girls thanked him, more relieved than disappointed
NancyLynn
5...relieved rather than disappointed
Iulia Manescu
3at not having been able
Clare Macnamara


Discussion entries: 1





  

Answers


2 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5
tournure de phrase
...relieved rather than disappointed


Explanation:
Just an option... :)

Iulia Manescu
Local time: 03:14
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in RomanianRomanian
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2 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
tournure de phrase
at not having been able


Explanation:
Again, I find your version good but this is my suggestion for the end.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2 mins (2005-04-28 22:51:09 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

(to enter the property, of course)

Clare Macnamara
Local time: 02:14
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
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2 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
Les deux filles le remercièrent plus soulagées que déçues de n’avoir pu s’introduire dans la proprié
the two girls thanked him, more relieved than disappointed


Explanation:
at having been denied entrance to the property.

When I begin to fear I<m asking too many questions, I just take a break (and I mean *Away* from the computer ;-))

NancyLynn
Canada
Local time: 20:14
Works in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 21

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  RHELLER: good improvement :-)
18 mins
  -> thanks Rita :-)

neutral  Tony M: Sorry, but 'having been denied...' doesn't sound too comfortable to me, for this informal context. // Yes, 'at having been turned away' would have been better, but 'denied access' is too formal IMO
27 mins
  -> well, the security guard

agree  Estelle Demontrond-Box
9 hrs
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29 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +9
tournure de phrase
See comment below...


Explanation:
I think your opening is perfectly fine, but I would change the end bit. All that bit about 'property' is so very French, I would cut it short and just say "...at not having been able to get in"

or shorter still, though of doubtful rhythm:

"...at not getting in"


Tony M
France
Local time: 02:14
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 23
Grading comment
perfect! thank you Dusty!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Charlie Bavington (X): the more casual ending is what I thought of too.
1 hr
  -> Thanks, CB!

agree  Jane Lamb-Ruiz (X): yes much better less Latinate!!!!!
2 hrs
  -> Cheers, Jane! When translation is more than just the meaning of the words...

agree  French Foodie: yes, I prefer this ending
5 hrs
  -> Thanks, Mara!

agree  David Goward: Ys, I was thinking along the lines of "that they couldn't get in"
6 hrs
  -> Thanks, David!

agree  Estelle Demontrond-Box
8 hrs
  -> Thanks, Estelle!

agree  NancyLynn
12 hrs
  -> Thanks, Nancy!

agree  Michele Fauble
18 hrs
  -> Merci, Michele !

agree  mportal: with David
21 hrs
  -> Thanks, Mportal!

agree  Clare Macnamara: I know the question is closed but I hadn't been back to it. Belated agree!
2 days 8 hrs
  -> Thanks, Clare! Better late than never!
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