tournure SVP

English translation: ; that night he broke his own record

21:14 Apr 26, 2005
French to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / teen literature
French term or phrase: tournure SVP
Tom hurla pour libérer sa poitrine qui s’emplit d’une bouffée d’air. Ses poumons le brûlaient mais il décupla ses forces musculaires **pour atteindre ce soir-là son meilleur record de vitesse.**

the whole thing feels awkward to me, but especially the last part into **.
thanks for your help, you guys/gals!
Sandra C.
France
Local time: 16:43
English translation:; that night he broke his own record
Explanation:
I would play a little bit with punctuation here.
Selected response from:

sarahl (X)
Local time: 07:43
Grading comment
thanks sarahl!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
4 +5; that night he broke his own record
sarahl (X)
5to turn in, that evening, his fastest time ever.
GillW (MCIL)
3 +1See comment below... [not for grading)
Tony M
3That evening, ...............to reach his fastest ever record
suezen


Discussion entries: 2





  

Answers


5 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5
to turn in, that evening, his fastest time ever.


Explanation:
good possibility

GillW (MCIL)
Local time: 15:43
Works in field
Native speaker of: English
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3 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
That evening, ...............to reach his fastest ever record


Explanation:
to reach his fastest ever

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Note added at 4 mins (2005-04-26 21:18:18 GMT)
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That evening, his lungs bursting and using all his strength, he reached his fastest record ever

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Note added at 11 mins (2005-04-26 21:25:38 GMT)
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to achieve his fastest record .....
to beat his own record

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Note added at 20 mins (2005-04-26 21:34:58 GMT)
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his lungs bursting etc. ... he managed to beat his own record

suezen
Local time: 16:43
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 82

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  GillW (MCIL): not usual to say "reach a record". are many better expressions
3 mins
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26 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +5
; that night he broke his own record


Explanation:
I would play a little bit with punctuation here.

sarahl (X)
Local time: 07:43
Native speaker of: Native in FrenchFrench
PRO pts in category: 46
Grading comment
thanks sarahl!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  NancyLynn
25 mins
  -> Nancy bin quin! merci!

agree  Charlie Bavington (X)
2 hrs
  -> thanks Charlie! :-)

agree  Christian Roy: You nailed it sarahl, I must admit the French is really awkward... The editor didn't do a good job IMHO...
6 hrs
  -> you're making me blush superk... the French isn't to my liking either. :-)

agree  David Goward: IMHO, you're right to translate "soir" by "night" too.
7 hrs
  -> thanks David.

agree  Estelle Demontrond-Box
9 hrs
  -> merci Estelle !
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15 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
See comment below... [not for grading)


Explanation:
Lots of positive, action words needed here!

To achieve his best-ever speed that evening.

Depends a bit whether he was simply trying to, or actually did, achieve it...

I'd try moving the 'that evening' elsewhere if you can, you know how the French love different placements from us for 'adverbs/phrases of time' But it doesn't sit easily in the 2 sentences given, so you might need to look furtehr afield.

"...so that he could achieve..."
"...but that evening he..."


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Note added at 47 mins (2005-04-26 22:01:14 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

In that case:

\"His lungs were bursting, but he redoubled his efforts, for tonight of all nights he needed to run faster than he ever had before\"

I think \'soir\' > \'night\' often works better FR > EN

And maybe you should let drop the wordy \'speed record\' bit

Tony M
France
Local time: 16:43
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 128

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  Charlie Bavington (X): would agree with most of it except dropping the "record". Some kids love the idea of breaking their own "record" for things, be it holding their breath, standing on one leg, etc. I think you need to keep it.
2 hrs
  -> Thanks, Charlie! I've racked my brains, but can't come up with a neat way of working it in, whilst keeping the feeling I was after... I give up!

agree  David Goward: Given the Asker's note, I don't think "record" is vital as it was not something he'd set out to do deliberately. It happened.
7 hrs
  -> Cheers, David! That's kind of the way I was feeling about it too...
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