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Verse of a poem - creativity required

English translation: Here's one quickee attempt

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GLOSSARY ENTRY (DERIVED FROM QUESTION BELOW)
German term or phrase:Verse of a poem - creativity required
English translation:Here's one quickee attempt
Entered by: Gillian Searl
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12:25 Dec 4, 2003
German to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary
German term or phrase: Verse of a poem - creativity required
Obschon gepackt, die guten Sachen,
"Die Zeit ist knapp", wird hier gepredigt.
Wer's von Firma X kriegt, der hat gut Lachen,
"Was nicht mehr geht, wird noch erledigt"

Anyone feeling creative this afternoon? It's the verse to a poem from a Christmas card. Each line has 8 syllables and lines 1 & 3, 2& 4 rhyme! We've managed 5 verses but my juice is out!! And it doesn't make a great deal of sense even in German. All suggestions gratefully received.
Thanks ;)
Gillian Searl
United Kingdom
Local time: 08:49
Here's one quickee attempt
Explanation:
Although they're packed, those gifts with style,
"Time is short" must be borne in mind.
Those who shop with (firma X) can smile,
The perfect gift is here to find.

But how many syllable's in the company's name? It doesn't seem possible to get 8 syllables in the third line (in the original). If there is only one syllable, you'll have to read "smile" with my southern-American accent (smi-yul). ;-)
Selected response from:

Lori Dendy-Molz
Germany
Local time: 09:49
Grading comment
Thanks to you all - you're all amazing! I had to choose one so sorry to everyone else!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +2more poetic licence ...
Nicole Tata
3 +3My attempt (beware: artistic licence!)xxxIanW
4 +1Mmmm
jerrie
4here's my attempt
Armorel Young
3 +1noch'n Eimer-Reimer
Renate FitzRoy
4Here's one quickee attempt
Lori Dendy-Molz
1 +2See lines below:Mary Wilburn
3mein Versuch
Hermann


Discussion entries: 5





  

Answers


11 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
mein Versuch


Explanation:
All the goodies are wrapped,
and everyone is saying "it’s getting tight”.
When X delivers everyone is relaxed,
Even the impossible gets delivered right.


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 20 mins (2003-12-04 12:45:42 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

even the impossible gets there right.

Room for improvement :-)

Hermann
Local time: 08:49
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in GermanGerman
PRO pts in pair: 1977
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23 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +3
My attempt (beware: artistic licence!)


Explanation:
"The presents packed with pretty bows
While time is quickly running out
But XXX will brave the snows
So your Christmas smile remains throughout"

I'm presuming that this company delivers - at least that's how I understand it ...

xxxIanW
Local time: 09:49
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 2468

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Nadders: i like that!
32 mins

agree  Lori Dendy-Molz: me too
40 mins

agree  Laurel Porter: nice one!
4 hrs
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25 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
Here's one quickee attempt


Explanation:
Although they're packed, those gifts with style,
"Time is short" must be borne in mind.
Those who shop with (firma X) can smile,
The perfect gift is here to find.

But how many syllable's in the company's name? It doesn't seem possible to get 8 syllables in the third line (in the original). If there is only one syllable, you'll have to read "smile" with my southern-American accent (smi-yul). ;-)

Lori Dendy-Molz
Germany
Local time: 09:49
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in pair: 1453
Grading comment
Thanks to you all - you're all amazing! I had to choose one so sorry to everyone else!
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

52 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
noch'n Eimer-Reimer


Explanation:
It took you long enough to wrap them,
Now, presents, quick, be on your way!
XXX is here, up will they snap them,
Work miracles without delay


Renate FitzRoy
Local time: 08:49
Native speaker of: German
PRO pts in pair: 283

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Lori Dendy-Molz: Like it.
11 mins
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1 hr   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
Mmmm


Explanation:
The gifts are wrapped but time is short
And they still need to be sent out
With XXX your worries are nought
They will get there without a doubt
(Prompt arrival without a doubt)


Presents wrapped, everything ready
How to deliver the parcel?
XXX keeps the nerves steady
By achieving the impossible




--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2003-12-04 14:50:10 (GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Christmas presents wrapped and tied
But still cutting things a bit fine?
Smile, because time is on your side
XXX will meet the deadline

jerrie
United Kingdom
Local time: 08:49
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 1469

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Nancy Arrowsmith: the last one is good
3 hrs
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2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
more poetic licence ...


Explanation:
here's another version:

Your pile of presents, wrapped and ready,
Can no longer wait, must ship today,
Relax, call xxx, take it steady,
They’ll get there faster than Santa’s sleigh!


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2003-12-04 14:38:11 (GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

Your presents wrapped with labels tied,
Too late to send them out, you wail
What luck! With xxx by your side (on side)
They’ll get there quickly, without fail!


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 2003-12-04 14:51:47 (GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

O joy of Christmas hurtling near
And gift-wrapped parcels still not sent
Don’t worry, xxx are here
To help you out 100%!

Time for a sherry and a mince pie ..

Nicole Tata
Local time: 08:49
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in GermanGerman
PRO pts in pair: 1326

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Laurel Porter: excellent effort
3 hrs

agree  Renate FitzRoy: fun reading the verses!
5 hrs
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3 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 1/5Answerer confidence 1/5 peer agreement (net): +2
See lines below:


Explanation:
The word here is "Time's running out,"
Alhough good things are wrapped & ready.
Still those who shopped with X can shout
"What can't be done is done already!"

Mary Wilburn
United States
Local time: 03:49
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in pair: 76

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Herbert2
1 hr

agree  Laurel Porter: ...and if it's a Speditionsfirma, "...those who use/call XXX can shout"
2 hrs
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6 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
here's my attempt


Explanation:
Presents packed, but there's still panic,
"They'll never get there", people say,
But come to us, our team titanic
Soon has them winging on their way.

Armorel Young
Local time: 08:49
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in pair: 4657
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