青く ちぎれながら

English translation: blue and howling

09:29 Apr 25, 2014
Japanese to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Music
Japanese term or phrase: 青く ちぎれながら
Dear ProZ members,

I would like to hear your opinions on this wanna-be-poetic expression that's driving me crazy. It's from a song and the singer is talking about her sister, who was killed some time before.

君は風のように
青く ちぎれながら
アスファルトに消えた

How do you interpret the 青く ちぎれながら part? The author seems to be playing with words, and I'm failing to catch what he wants to say.

Thanks!
Riccardo91
Italy
English translation:blue and howling
Explanation:
I know it's easier to split the 2 apart, but I think the author intends them to both describe the wind (i.e. 風のように青く、(風のように)ちぎれながら).

Also, the wind tears "something" apart, but it usually doesn't tear itself up. In English, we have a limited number of adjectives to describe the wind, and howling was the only one I could come up with.

Like the wind/
blue and howling/
You disappeared into the asphalt

It's hard to be interpretive or make the English "natural" in poems because how would we know what the author intends, and what gives us the right to interpret? The best I believe we can do is be as literal as possible, while taking away the pain of the reader to the greatest extent.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2014-04-25 15:11:02 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I just noticed howling is weird because it almost sounds like the person howled, as if he/she were like a wolf....other adjectives could work too, like "drifting" "dancing" "sighing", etc.
Selected response from:

Teddy Okuyama (X)
Japan
Local time: 22:53
Grading comment
Thank you very much! I'll try to work out something that fits the contest. Alas, this particular verse is really hellish.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer



Summary of answers provided
3 +2(fading) into blue and breaking up
RieM
3blue and howling
Teddy Okuyama (X)
3blue. Being torn apart....
David Patrick


  

Answers


2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
blue. Being torn apart....


Explanation:
I think it might make more sense to separate the line where the space is.
君は風のように青く (you were blue like the wind)
ちぎれながらアスファルトに消えた (tearing apart as you disappeared into the asphalt)

David Patrick
Ireland
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
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5 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
blue and howling


Explanation:
I know it's easier to split the 2 apart, but I think the author intends them to both describe the wind (i.e. 風のように青く、(風のように)ちぎれながら).

Also, the wind tears "something" apart, but it usually doesn't tear itself up. In English, we have a limited number of adjectives to describe the wind, and howling was the only one I could come up with.

Like the wind/
blue and howling/
You disappeared into the asphalt

It's hard to be interpretive or make the English "natural" in poems because how would we know what the author intends, and what gives us the right to interpret? The best I believe we can do is be as literal as possible, while taking away the pain of the reader to the greatest extent.

--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 5 hrs (2014-04-25 15:11:02 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

I just noticed howling is weird because it almost sounds like the person howled, as if he/she were like a wolf....other adjectives could work too, like "drifting" "dancing" "sighing", etc.

Teddy Okuyama (X)
Japan
Local time: 22:53
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in JapaneseJapanese
PRO pts in category: 4
Grading comment
Thank you very much! I'll try to work out something that fits the contest. Alas, this particular verse is really hellish.
Login to enter a peer comment (or grade)

7 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +2
(fading) into blue and breaking up


Explanation:
Without much context, I'm not sure what the author wants to express here. I just feel that "青く ちぎれなから" both describe how 君 himself/herself is disappearing, instead of splitting the two. Don't you think that's more poetic? Like a candle flame fading slowly, bubbles disappear into the whirlpool, or cherry blossoms falling into the wind?  

RieM
United States
Local time: 08:53
Native speaker of: Japanese

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Mami Yamaguchi
6 hrs

agree  Emi Louise Croucher
2 days 23 hrs
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