amor sem brilho

21:48 Nov 27, 2018
This question was closed without grading. Reason: No acceptable answer

Portuguese to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / poem by Olavo Bilac
Portuguese term or phrase: amor sem brilho
The phrase is from a poem (Língua Portuguesa) by Olavo Bilac. I'm working on a translation (not transcreation) of the poem and I need it to sound natural and poetic.

"Amo-te, ó rude e doloroso idioma,
Em que da voz materna ouvi: 'meu filho!',
E em que Camões chorou, no exílio amargo,
O gênio sem ventura e o amor sem brilho!"

PS: I'm not looking for copies of previous translations, as I intend to create something original, yet not departing too much from the source-text. The translation is finished, I only need to polish it up.
Oliveira Simões
United States
Local time: 15:18


Summary of answers provided
5 +1lacklustre love
Nick Taylor
3 +2love without passion
Marian Vieyra
4 +1uninspired love
airmailrpl
4lacklustre love/devoid of splendor
Barbara Cochran, MFA
3love without a spark/sparkle
Verginia Ophof


Discussion entries: 2





  

Answers


4 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +1
lacklustre love


Explanation:
lacklustre love

Nick Taylor
Local time: 23:18
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 52

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  T o b i a s
15 hrs
  -> Thanks Tobias
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7 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +1
uninspired love


Explanation:
amor sem brilho => uninspired love

airmailrpl
Brazil
Local time: 19:18
Meets criteria
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in PortuguesePortuguese
PRO pts in category: 68

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Adrian Minckley
21 hrs
  -> agradeço
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12 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
love without a spark/sparkle


Explanation:
suggestion

Verginia Ophof
Belize
Local time: 16:18
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: English
PRO pts in category: 79
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1 day 12 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +2
love without passion


Explanation:
I think you have to incorporate both uses of 'sem' into the English.

Genius without happiness, love without passion.

One definition of 'ventura' is happiness according to Infopédia.


    https://www.infopedia.pt/dicionarios/portugues-ingles/ventura
Marian Vieyra
United Kingdom
Local time: 23:18
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 16

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Nick Taylor
4 hrs
  -> Thanks, Nick.

agree  Richard Purdom: yup, you need 'with' for this to resonate
7 hrs
  -> Thanks, Richard.
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1 day 17 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
lacklustre love/devoid of splendor


Explanation:
I think my second option is more poetic.

Barbara Cochran, MFA
United States
Local time: 18:18
Meets criteria
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
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