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Explanation: These are two more American equivalents ("queen Dick" sounds British and might be appropriate in that context). The first of the two I offer here is the more common. Another variant: "It'll be a cold day in hell when..."
The meaning: never, or at least not within any time frame that would make it reasonable to expect the event in question to occur.
mikizha Local time: 22:40 Native speaker of: English PRO pts in pair: 7