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Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote

English translation: As you seduce me let me?

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16:27 Oct 26, 2005
Spanish to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature
Spanish term or phrase: Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
This is the first line of a poem that I'm translating. I'm having trouble coming up with a poetic way to capture the simultaneity of the two verbs (seduceme and dejas...) expressed in the Spanish word "mientras". The obvious options, such as "Seduce me while you let me..." and "Seduce me, letting me..." don't sound very good in English. I've thought about skipping the connecting word entirely, i.e., "Seduce me, let me conquer..." but this seems to change the meaning somewhat. Is there an appropriate English construction that could be used here?
Yvette Neisser Moreno
United States
Local time: 10:22
English translation:As you seduce me let me?
Explanation:
Really a matter of taste


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Note added at 6 mins (2005-10-26 16:33:34 GMT)
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As seems to retain the idea expressed by "mientras" but you might not like the change in word order
Selected response from:

Ed McCann
Ireland
Local time: 15:22
Grading comment
Thanks. Yes, the word "as" is the obvious one I was missing--although I prefer "Seduce me, as you let me conquer..."
2 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
2 +5Seduce me while I reveal the mystery of your...Robert Forstag
4 +2Seduce me and let me conquer your blooming mystery
Martin Harvey
4As you seduce me let me?Ed McCann
3seduce me you yield to my conquest...
Heidi C
3Seduce me, allowing me to...reubenius
3Seduce me while you let me unravel the mystery of your burgeoning
Rachel Fell


Discussion entries: 1





  

Answers


3 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
As you seduce me let me?


Explanation:
Really a matter of taste


--------------------------------------------------
Note added at 6 mins (2005-10-26 16:33:34 GMT)
--------------------------------------------------

As seems to retain the idea expressed by "mientras" but you might not like the change in word order

Ed McCann
Ireland
Local time: 15:22
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 2
Grading comment
Thanks. Yes, the word "as" is the obvious one I was missing--although I prefer "Seduce me, as you let me conquer..."
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14 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
Seduce me, allowing me to...


Explanation:
Another option

reubenius
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:22
Native speaker of: English
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14 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 2/5Answerer confidence 2/5 peer agreement (net): +5
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
Seduce me while I reveal the mystery of your...


Explanation:
Well, this is poetry so I think certain liberties can be taken to render the language poetic in English. We have two actions going on here: seduction by the person being addressed, and "conquest" by the speaker. The translation I propose preserves the concept of two parallel actions, with the consent/surrender of the person being addressed ("dejas que" in the original) being implied in "while I reveal". A literal translation here like the one already proposed would be rather awkward.

Suerte con la traducion asi como con la conquista....

Robert Forstag
United States
Local time: 10:22
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 188

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  xxxamj_services
3 mins
  -> Thanks so much, Alicia.

agree  ventnai: sounds good
5 mins
  -> Thanks, Ian.

agree  MariaPazMella
46 mins
  -> Thank you, Sweet Blue.

agree  Hebe Martorella
1 hr
  -> Gracias, Hebe.

agree  franglish
3 hrs
  -> Merci, franglish.
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31 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
Seduce me and let me conquer your blooming mystery


Explanation:
Anything goes for poetry indeed. I've seen some translations published I wouldn't even have dared to show them I had done them!

good luck

Martin Harvey
Argentina
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in SpanishSpanish
PRO pts in category: 28

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  mar52: Keeps the idea of simultaneity.
29 mins
  -> So it seems, thank you 52 (dealing on first name terms)

agree  Rachel Fell: perhaps burgeoning would be better than blooming (which sounds odd to my UK Eng., ear - other meaing of blooming)
1 hr
  -> Why not? Thank you.
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2 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
Seduce me while you let me unravel the mystery of your burgeoning


Explanation:
inspired by others...:)

Rachel Fell
United Kingdom
Local time: 15:22
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 4
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8 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5
Sedúceme mientras dejas que conquiste el misterio de tu brote
seduce me you yield to my conquest...


Explanation:
or

seduce me and yield ...



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Note added at 1 day 10 hrs 12 mins (2005-10-28 02:39:57 GMT)
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seduce me as you yield to my conquest -sorry-

Heidi C
Local time: 10:22
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in SpanishSpanish
PRO pts in category: 23
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