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lo pintara amenazante la penumbra

English translation: the half light depicts it menacingly/threateningly.(see below)

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15:59 Dec 14, 2005
Spanish to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / music
Spanish term or phrase: lo pintara amenazante la penumbra
From another poem by the same poet. Here is the context:

...si tu madre fuese una sombra sin brazos,
si tu amante acaso un muerto,
si todos los dias en tu contorno
brillaran agriamente las cenizas,
si el futuro de tus ojos al amanecer
lo pintara amenazante la penumbra,
no se si tu existieras
o si alguien pudiese existir en la agonia.

I'm looking for suggestions on translating the lines: si el futuro de tus ojos al amanecer / lo pintara amenazante la penumbra.

I'm not entirely sure what "lo" refers to here--el futuro? The grammar of these two lines baffles me a bit, as the phrase starts out with one subject (el futuro) and then ends with "la penumbra", which seems like it could be another subject... How do you read this?

Thanks,
Yvette
Yvette Neisser Moreno
United States
Local time: 22:45
English translation:the half light depicts it menacingly/threateningly.(see below)
Explanation:
the foreboding in your eyes at dawn....is depicted/highlighted threateningly/menacingly in the half light( of the early dawn.)
would work along these lines !think the poem is attempting to convey and contrast the statew of a person on waking at dawn with the less than normal functioning of the natural world at this hour.
Selected response from:

xxxmuitoprazer
Local time: 03:45
Grading comment
Thanks for this very helpful suggestion/explanation.
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
5 +2grammar
Andrea Bullrich
4 +2the half light depicts it menacingly/threateningly.(see below)xxxmuitoprazer
4if the twilight depicted in a menacing way, the future reflected in your eyes at daybreakteju
3 +1If the future of your eyes at dawn is tainted by menacing shadowsconnyfernandez
4 -1too long please see below
Aquamarine76


Discussion entries: 8





  

Answers


4 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): -1
too long please see below


Explanation:
should the future before your eyes at sunrise, become a threatened picture painted by the shadows/darkness....

Just a very "gothic" option, :) hope it helps

Aquamarine76
Ireland
Local time: 03:45
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish, Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 4

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
disagree  xxxmuitoprazer: penumbra doesn't mean sunrise,and your translation is a bit free !
7 mins
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7 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +2
the half light depicts it menacingly/threateningly.(see below)


Explanation:
the foreboding in your eyes at dawn....is depicted/highlighted threateningly/menacingly in the half light( of the early dawn.)
would work along these lines !think the poem is attempting to convey and contrast the statew of a person on waking at dawn with the less than normal functioning of the natural world at this hour.

xxxmuitoprazer
Local time: 03:45
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 19
Grading comment
Thanks for this very helpful suggestion/explanation.

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  cebice: closest to the meaning of the original
3 hrs
  -> thanks!

agree  Ines Garcia Botana
1 day9 hrs
  -> thanks
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37 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +2
grammar


Explanation:
Hi Yvette,

"si el futuro de tus ojos al amanecer
lo pintara amenazante la penumbra"

Yes, "lo" refers to "el futuro". You could read it this way: "Si la penumbra, amenazante, pintara el futuro de tus ojos al amanecer..." Maybe in this way it is easier to see that "la penumbra" is the subject and "el futuro de tus ojos" is a direct object (repeated as the pronoun "lo"). You're right, the grammar is quite odd.
Hope this helps you find a translation...
Andrea

Andrea Bullrich
Local time: 23:45
Native speaker of: Spanish
Grading comment
Very helpful explanation of the grammar, thank you!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  María Roberto: Yes, you are right, Andrea! (Hiperbaton)
3 mins

agree  poly
8 hrs

neutral  xxxmuitoprazer: how would you translate the sentenceas you've rearranged it?
16 hrs
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The asker has declined this answer
Comment: Very helpful explanation of the grammar, thank you!

59 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5
if the twilight depicted in a menacing way, the future reflected in your eyes at daybreak


Explanation:
One option of many.

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Note added at 22 hrs 39 mins (2005-12-15 14:39:34 GMT)
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In order to translate a poem, you must be a poet yourself, it's not an easy undertaking. I certainly don't consider myself qualified to translate a poem, that's an art in itself. My respects to you my friend, for doing this.

teju
Local time: 20:45
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish
PRO pts in category: 52
Grading comment
I agree with muitoprazer--while I like the language you've used here, the lines form two separate clauses and thus don't make much sense in the context of the poem.

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
neutral  xxxmuitoprazer: appears as two separate unrelated clauses like this !
16 hrs
  -> Poetry is never translated literally, a delicate balance between preserving the meaning and the beauty of the text has to be achieved, and this requires a certain degree of poetic license.
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The asker has declined this answer
Comment: I agree with muitoprazer--while I like the language you've used here, the lines form two separate clauses and thus don't make much sense in the context of the poem.

23 hrs   confidence: Answerer confidence 3/5Answerer confidence 3/5 peer agreement (net): +1
If the future of your eyes at dawn is tainted by menacing shadows


Explanation:
if the future of your eyes at the dawn
is tainted by menacind shadows
Es lo que se me ocure en este momento.

connyfernandez
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in SpanishSpanish
PRO pts in category: 4

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  xxxmuitoprazer: or maybe haunted instead of tainted? we're really getting into the realm of pink floyd c1973 lyrics here.!
18 hrs
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