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The stupid things we do | Jack and Enrique - thanks again

NancyLynn — Fri, 31 Oct 2003 12:08:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: NancyLynn
Post title: Jack and Enrique - thanks again

Another forum topic asks us how we like best to begin our day. Reading your delightful poetry is my choice. :-)
N.

The stupid things we do | Sisters? Not really...

Borana Moisiu — Fri, 31 Oct 2003 08:09:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Borana Moisiu
Post title: Sisters? Not really...

Ooops, once I told a lady that her daughter was very beautiful. She laughed and said: This is my sister.

I felt very embarrased all that day.
Borana

The stupid things we do | Hilarious

sylver — Fri, 31 Oct 2003 03:57:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: sylver
Post title: Hilarious

[quote]Thierry LOTTE wrote:

Many years ago in Paris, when I was 18 years old (screams), on a Saturday afternoon and after a good lunch with friends and many apritifs and good wines and Cognac I decided (all by myself) to go immediately to London to hear some good Jazz Live music in some kind of Club.

I had just won some good cash money betting on a horse in Vincennes tracks (just like in the Andy Cap comic strips) and I could afford it.
Anyway at that time, when I was a little bit tipsy, money matters were not so important for me, and I scrambled into a cab, bound to Orly Airport

Inside the British Airways plane they did offered me some more drinks which not contributed to clear my mind. I was bound for a London or death Jazz Club but without having any idea of which one. After consulting with the Air Hostess I heard that, in the crew cabin they were consulting with London Airport Facilities (I do swear that this detail is authentic) and when she came back she suggested me to go at Ronnies Scott in Frieith Street (Soho) to attend the Clark Terrys Quartet performance. No need to say that (I am a trumpeter myself) it has been one of the most marvelous experiences of my Jazz Lovers life

Upon my landing in London, I had to face with the Immigration Officer there. This was not yet Europe and the Frenchies had to justify their trips to UK by presenting a valid passport:

- What is the purpose of your stay in London please?
- Well, this is just an overnight trip to listen some good jazz live music in a club.
- All right! And now, would you be kind enough to tell me the real purpose of your trip in our country? (At that time, I was 18 years old, and had a baby face look. Just like nowadays).
- Just listening to the music, Sir.
- How many money do you have?
- Fifty British Pounds. Would it be sufficient for the Queen?

This late answer was a true mistake (when considering the officers face and, after while his reaction) but I have been lucky because the Immigration Officer answered:

- Well! You are lucky that I am tired! Go on!

At the exit of the airport, I hailed a Cab! Another mistake: it was a Police Car They kindly explained me the difference between a police wagon and a British cab (In France, they would have put me directly inside the Black Maria).

When arriving to the Ronnie Scott Club I had another cultural problem: I ordered a Single Malt Scotch and they brought me, at once, some cheese and crackers Facing my alcoholic angriness they explained me that the British rules compelled to serve some food with alcoholic drinks, after 10 P.M.
So, I did enjoy the show for which I came for

Anything else???
[/quote]

Loved that story. Really great!

The stupid things we do | Stupid Things We Do...

Thierry LOTTE — Wed, 08 Oct 2003 01:16:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Thierry LOTTE
Post title: Stupid Things We Do...

Many years ago in Paris, when I was 18 years old (screams), on a Saturday afternoon and after a good lunch with friends and many apritifs and good wines and Cognac I decided (all by myself) to go immediately to London to hear some good Jazz Live music in some kind of Club.

I had just won some good cash money betting on a horse in Vincennes tracks (just like in the Andy Cap comic strips) and I could afford it.
Anyway at that time, when I was a little bit tipsy, money matters were not so important for me, and I scrambled into a cab, bound to Orly Airport

Inside the British Airways plane they did offered me some more drinks which not contributed to clear my mind. I was bound for a London or death Jazz Club but without having any idea of which one. After consulting with the Air Hostess I heard that, in the crew cabin they were consulting with London Airport Facilities (I do swear that this detail is authentic) and when she came back she suggested me to go at Ronnies Scott in Frieith Street (Soho) to attend the Clark Terrys Quartet performance. No need to say that (I am a trumpeter myself) it has been one of the most marvelous experiences of my Jazz Lovers life

Upon my landing in London, I had to face with the Immigration Officer there. This was not yet Europe and the Frenchies had to justify their trips to UK by presenting a valid passport:

- What is the purpose of your stay in London please?
- Well, this is just an overnight trip to listen some good jazz live music in a club.
- All right! And now, would you be kind enough to tell me the real purpose of your trip in our country? (At that time, I was 18 years old, and had a baby face look. Just like nowadays).
- Just listening to the music, Sir.
- How many money do you have?
- Fifty British Pounds. Would it be sufficient for the Queen?

This late answer was a true mistake (when considering the officers face and, after while his reaction) but I have been lucky because the Immigration Officer answered:

- Well! You are lucky that I am tired! Go on!

At the exit of the airport, I hailed a Cab! Another mistake: it was a Police Car They kindly explained me the difference between a police wagon and a British cab (In France, they would have put me directly inside the Black Maria).

When arriving to the Ronnie Scott Club I had another cultural problem: I ordered a Single Malt Scotch and they brought me, at once, some cheese and crackers Facing my alcoholic angriness they explained me that the British rules compelled to serve some food with alcoholic drinks, after 10 P.M.
So, I did enjoy the show for which I came for

Anything else???

[Edited at 2003-10-08 01:19]

The stupid things we do | You are great poets, Jack and Enrique!

Silvina Beatriz Codina — Fri, 26 Sep 2003 01:57:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Silvina Beatriz Codina
Post title: You are great poets, Jack and Enrique!

But I think it's true, you know, our job demands so much concentration, we can be forgiven if we are a bit spacey outside it. After all...

...one day, after a day shopping Albert Einstein realized he had lost his umbrella. He returned then to the last stores he had visited. He didn't get lucky in the first three, but he struck gold in the fourth. To the shop attendant who handed him his umbrella he said: "You are very kind, just imagine, in the other stores I visited, they did not want to give it to me."

And he was the greatest scientist in history! [img] [url removed] [/img]

[img] [url removed] [/img]

(See, Claudia, it worked! Thanks!)

[Edited at 2003-09-26 02:04]

The stupid things we do | Confirm your flight one day prior, hmmmm, maybe two days prior

Monika Coulson — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 22:57:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Monika Coulson
Post title: Confirm your flight one day prior, hmmmm, maybe two days prior

We went on a vacation a while ago. We had so much fun throughout that time. I was the one who purchased the airplane tickets online (E-tickets.) I only told my husband the departure and arrival dates. He trusted me and everything went fine until the last day of our vacation...

We went to the airport and tried to check-in through the computer. The computer did not recognize our names. We asked for help. Can you imagine how stupid I felt when the airline employee told us that our tickets were bought for the previous day? [img] [url removed] [/img] :eek: We had missed our flight by one full day!!!
She said: "You know, you are supposed to confirm your flight one day prior, well, two days prior in your case!" [img] [url removed] [/img]

Monika

[Edited at 2003-09-26 15:22]

The stupid things we do | Great!

Lorenzo Lilli — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 22:00:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Lorenzo Lilli
Post title: Great!

Congrats Jack and Henrique, great poems!

ps one more thing: the day I got my degree I forgot my copy of the dissertation I was to discuss. For some reason, my friends were not really surprised by this... :))

[Edited at 2003-09-25 22:08]

The stupid things we do | We are human after all!

two2tango — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 21:23:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: two2tango
Post title: We are human after all!

If you need a translator
guaranteed error-free
then you can rest assured,
this is the place to be!

We may walk out in slippers
or with socks randomized,
or with a bag of garbage
but we are serious and wise!

Well spill oil by the gallons
standing below the tank,
and will ask for directions
only from a blind man.

We use to wash our laundry
with the food of our pet,
or pick a younger mother,
or play park and forget

brew coffee without water?
send garbage cross the sea?
We are very creative
people, as you can see!

So if you look for someone
guaranteed error-free
then you can rest assured,
this is the place to be!

Enrique

The stupid things we do | One Sock Blue and One Sock Green

Jack Doughty — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 19:08:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Jack Doughty
Post title: One Sock Blue and One Sock Green

Once, when going to the theatre with my girl-friend (now my wife), I realised halfway through the play that I was wearing one blue sock and one green one. I wrote a somewhat exaggerated account of this in the form of a poem:

ONE SOCK BLUE AND ONE SOCK GREEN
(To the tune of The Wearing of the Green. For tune and original lyric, see [url removed] )

Oh, a young chap named Jack Doughty
To see his girl was keen,
And absent-mindedly put on
One blue sock and one green.

(Chorus)
One sock blue and one sock green!
One sock blue and one sock green!
You never saw the like before,
One blue sock and one green!

He took her to the theatre,
And gave the girl a fright,
For as he sat and crossed his legs,
Why, there they were in sight!
(Chorus)

She did not like to tell him,
The timid young colleen,
That shed noticed he was wearing
One sock blue and once sock green.
(Chorus)

Then another lady noticed
His most unusual choice,
And called out to her husband
In a penetrating voice:
(Chorus)

Then other people started
To turn around to see
The cause of this commotion
And then shouted out with glee:
(Chorus)

The actors up upon the stage
Were quite astonished too
To see a young man wearing
One sock green and one sock blue.
(Chorus)

Poor Jack felt quite self-conscious,
And knew not what to do.
He hadnt known that hed put on
One green sock and one blue.
(Chorus)

He hurried out before the end,
Because he felt ashamed,
And on his absentmindedness
The whole affair was blamed.
(Chorus)

So if youre dressing hurriedly,
Be very sure that you
Do not put on in error
One sock green and one sock blue.

Jack Doughty, 14th July 1957

[Edited at 2003-09-26 11:59]

The stupid things we do | Something similar happened to my husband

Claudia Iglesias — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 18:57:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Claudia Iglesias
Post title: Something similar happened to my husband

[quote]Lesley Clayton wrote:
I once went to work in my slippers[/quote]

but he had two different shoes when he went to the office of a notary [img] [url removed] [/img]

[He has just told me that it happened again not long ago, he went to school with two different shoes. What alarms me is that he's getting used to, he doesn't even comment on it [img] [url removed] [/img]

[Edited at 2003-09-25 23:08]

The stupid things we do | I once went to work in my slippers

LJC (X) — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 07:49:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: LJC (X)
Post title: I once went to work in my slippers

and it was only when I got there that I realised.

The stupid things we do | Another car story...

Monika Coulson — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 06:44:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Monika Coulson
Post title: Another car story...

This happened to me and my friend in November of 1995 in Georgia. We had just finished shopping and had lots of bags in hands. One of the young men who worked in this store offered to help us by holding some of the bags on the way to the car. We headed to the parking lot and began talking to this young man. Couldn't remember exactly where we had parked our car, but soon we saw our green Neon. We went there, opened the trunk and realized that it was totally empty!!! Before we went shopping, we had a box with books and another box with some video tapes in the trunk and the videos were not even ours!! You should have seen our look in our face when we saw the trunk empty. [img] [url removed] [/img]

Shocked I said: Somebody stole our books!!!
Amy (my friend) added: And the video tapes are gone as well...

We still could not believe our eyes. After a few seconds of being shocked we went to check in the front seats if there were other things missing. Then we realized that it was not our car! We had opened somebody elses trunk!
We couldn't stop laughing hysterically at that point :lol: We were laughing that much [img] [url removed] [/img] that the guy who was helping us left (without even being tipped) and we did not even realize that. [img] [url removed] [/img] We found our car on the opposite side of the parking lot. [img] [url removed] [/img]
Monika

[Edited at 2003-10-30 14:32]

The stupid things we do | Shoes, chewing gum.

Yamato (X) — Thu, 25 Sep 2003 00:08:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Yamato (X)
Post title: Shoes, chewing gum.

I remember the day when I was at home, and took a pair of shoes (I can only guess that my intention was to put them back to their place). I was daydreaming heavily... imagine what I felt when I daywoke holding the open door of the fridge!

I was even younger when I... well, there is a "estanco" (a tobacco shop) near my home. When I was perhaps 7 or 8 years old I was accompanying my mother to buy something. She stopped there for a moment, and I looked somewhere else.

When I turned to the counter I saw my mother buying chewing gum... I couldn't believe it, so began to ask "mom, why did you buy chewing gum? why chewing gum? why...? ". I was pretty insistent... until the moment that I realzed that, somehow, I had mistook a young blonde (and rather pretty) girl for my mother, who stared at me from the other side of the counter.
Now... how could I mistake my mother????

Needless to say, the girl literally fled the place.

The stupid things we do | Garbage travelled overseas....:)

Araksia Sarkisian — Tue, 23 Sep 2003 16:56:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Araksia Sarkisian
Post title: Garbage travelled overseas....:)

This is a REAL story:

Our friend ordered a shipping company to deliver his furniture and etc. from Poland to USA (Door-To-Door Service), after his "mission was accomplished" in Poland.

The guys from the company were real professionals and you can't say, that they were lazy: they managed to pack and put all the stuff in the waitin' truck within 3-4 hours!

The problem appeared later, when the truck was already on it's way to the port, our friend tried to find the new plastic trash can, that he bought just before the "event" and put the trash bag in it with all the garbage and etc.... (They had cats in the house too...and they had cleaned after them too...)

The destination was not to the East Coast...so this trash bag with all the aromatic "ingredients" in a brand new plastic can travelled 3-4 weeks!!!

Don't ask me what did they feel, when they open the big box in themiddle of August...:)

The journey took much longer, than that one over Elbe...:)

When I heard about it, I was laughing like a child!

Even now there are tears in my eyes...:)
[img] [url removed] [/img]

[Edited at 2003-09-23 17:20]

The stupid things we do | coffee!

Lorenzo Lilli — Tue, 23 Sep 2003 10:50:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Lorenzo Lilli
Post title: coffee!

As a coffee addict, I make coffee several times a day, both for me and the rest of my family. Years ago, it happened quite a few times that I forgot to put water in the machine, and then waited so long for the coffee... After 15 minutes or so the machine was red hot and well on the way to melt :) And once I didn't forget water, but coffee itself: for some reason, the drink didn't look as dark as usual :)

[Edited at 2003-09-23 10:51]

The stupid things we do | I'm experimenting too.

Jack Doughty — Tue, 23 Sep 2003 08:06:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Jack Doughty
Post title: I'm experimenting too.

[img] [url removed] [/img]

Yes! So did I!

But I've been trying to do the same with files from my own computer, without success. How can you do that?

[Edited at 2003-09-23 10:55]

The stupid things we do | Let's see...

Andrea Ali — Tue, 23 Sep 2003 06:05:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Andrea Ali
Post title: Let's see...

[img] [url removed] [/img]

Yes!!! I did it!!!

[img] [url removed] [/img]

[Edited at 2003-09-23 06:07]

The stupid things we do | Cool!

Silvina Beatriz Codina — Tue, 23 Sep 2003 01:12:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Silvina Beatriz Codina
Post title: Cool!

[img] [url removed] [/img]

[Edited at 2003-09-23 01:40]

The stupid things we do | another one about cars

Claudia Iglesias — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 19:28:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Claudia Iglesias
Post title: another one about cars

One day I had to leave something to wash in a dry cleaning. There was nowhere to park the car except in front of the restaurant near to it, but of course, it was forbidden. I thought that I would do it so quickly that they wouldn't even notice, so I parked the car, got down, and immediately there were people from the restaurant telling me that I couldn't stay there. The problem was that I had left my keys in, and the engine was on. And of course, the door was locked.
As soon as I realized that I also remembered that there was very few gasoline, and I was afraid because if we couldn't open the car, I would be obliged to take it away with a crane.
So the people who wanted to grumble at me had to help me to open the door. They did it with a hanger from the dry cleaning. At the end there were 4 people trying to help me, but I couldn't leave what I wanted in the dry cleaning.

For the smilies, some good links

[url removed]

[url removed]

[url removed]

[url removed]

[img] [url removed] [/img]

The stupid things we do | Taking my son to... where?

Elena Sgarbo (X) — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 19:06:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Elena Sgarbo (X)
Post title: Taking my son to... where?

When we lived in a Chicago suburb, it would take my husband and I each 50 minutes to drive to our workplace (a hospital in downtown Chicago) -as long as we left the house before 6:40 AM. After that, as the highway started getting packed, we had to add more and more commuting time to our 37 km route. (Leaving home after 7:00 meant a commute of about 70 minutes).

My husband was never able to come home from work early, but I was, so to put in a regular workday, in the morning I'd always leave the house first. This left my husband in charge of taking our son, then 2 and a half, to his school for the day. Our son was used to being dropped off at school by his dad & picked up in the afternoon by his mom. The school was only at 3 km of our home and required a small detour from our path to work.

One day my husband had to start doing a procedure extremely early, so my son needed to be dropped off at school by me.

I, in turn, that day had to start a lesson for the medical students promptly at 8:00 AM, so I left home with my son with enough time.

So there we were, my son and I in the car, chatting and singing and finding interesting things on the road, when I suddenly "woke up": with horror, I realized that I had passed his school by about 20 km!! I had automatically taken the same route I took every morning, straight to work, completely bypassing the school and my son's drop-off!

We were just too far away to go back to the school --if I was to be at work by 8:00. So I made a split-second decision: I took my son in!

Needlesss to say, my students were quite amused to have a toddler sitting in their Cardiovascular Pathology class! :-)

The stupid things we do | :)

Silvina Beatriz Codina — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 13:41:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Silvina Beatriz Codina
Post title: :)

Before I had laser surgery, I used to be extremely short-sighted, which in itself, is a perpetual source of tourderies. You know, saying hi to people you don't know, not saying hi to people you do know, because you never saw them, stopping the wrong bus and only realizing it when the bus is stopped in front of you and the driver is waiting for you to step in, etc. Some years ago, when I was in the US, I was standing waiting for something somewhere when I saw a person standing beside me with a long T-shirt that said in big letters "Just do it" and had a lot of little pink drawings, which were too blurry for me to understand what they were. For some reason, I felt an irrepressible curiosity to see what they represented, so I squinted at them, drawing my face near and quite forgetting that someone was actually wearing the T-shirt. I finally saw that the little pink things were cartoon pigs making love in every position imaginable, and that the owner of the T-shirt was an extremely tall guy who was staring at me with a definitely unfriendly look. Well, if he didn't want to be stared at, he should have worn a different shirt, shouldn't he?

I'm also a compulsive reader, so when I am on a bus or a train and I don't have something of my own to read, I confess that my eyes wander to whatever the people around me are reading. One day I was on a train and the guy sitting beside me was reading "Crnica," the local equivalent to "The Sun," "Bild" and other such dailies. At one point, he asked me: "Can I turn the page now?" And I thought I was being very discreet! Luckily, the guy had a sense of humor and he laughed it off. The worst, of course, was to be caught sneaking a peek at "Crnica"! If at least it had been a decent newspaper!

(Claudia, where do you get those smilies? I love them!)

[Edited at 2003-09-22 14:06]

The stupid things we do | Lost car

Gillian Scheibelein — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 09:35:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Gillian Scheibelein
Post title: Lost car

I had just arrived in Cape Town to visit my parents. My sister had just come out of hospital and needed her painkillers urgently. So I used my father's new car to zoom off to the local mall with the prescription and a long shopping list. I dumped the car, rushed into the mall, got the precription filled and did all the shopping in record time. So it was time to return home - but where was the car? It was a white (like most South African cars in those days) Toyota (very popular). I didn't know which model, I didn't know where I'd parked it, I didn't know the car number, I didn't know my parents telephone number (speed dial on my phone - at home) and they weren't in the phone book (having just moved in), my brother-in-law was away and there were hundreds of white cars in the huge car park that had filled up at a tremendous speed. To top it all, I was pushing a heavy trolley full of shopping and I was supposed to be in a hurry! Arrgghhh! I couldn't keep pressing the unlocking button hoping for a beep somewhere as the battery was already low. The only identifier was my cardigan on the back seat. There was nothing for it but to look on the back seats of all white Toyotas - this gained me lots of strange looks. In the end, someone took pity and helped me look. It took nearly 20 minutes.

The stupid things we do | Things better not to say

Nina Snoj — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 07:45:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Nina Snoj
Post title: Things better not to say

I borrow this story from my friend who is a hairdresser (not that I dont have "stupid" stories of my own...).
Oneday a regular client comes in and, in front of everybody who was in the saloon at the moment, he greeted her. After some small talk he asked her if she is pregnant (judging by her appearance) assuming thats good news.She replied (again, in front of everyone) "No. I suppose I am just fatter".

The stupid things we do | Nobody is free of sin

Andrea Ali — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 06:29:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Andrea Ali
Post title: Nobody is free of sin

I used to travel to college by train. One day, I went by car. When I got back home walking, my father asked me what had happened to the car!
Only then did I realize I had forgotten the car downtown!

Excellent thread, my friends!

Regards,
Andrea :lol: :lol: :lol:

The stupid things we do | Enrique!

Claudia Iglesias — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 04:05:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Claudia Iglesias
Post title: Enrique!

[quote]Some day I must have been daydreaming more than usual, for the garbage bag travelled with me all the way to the yard (through a bus, two trains and a ship across the Elbe).[/quote]

What about the briefcase, did you leave it in the garbage can?[img] [url removed] [/img]

The stupid things we do | Travelling bag

two2tango — Mon, 22 Sep 2003 03:08:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: two2tango
Post title: Travelling bag

I worked almost two years in the Blohm&Voss shipyard, in Hamburg. Every morning I would leave for work with my briefcase and the garbage bag, and leave the latter in a big garbage can outside the building.

Some day I must have been daydreaming more than usual, for the garbage bag travelled with me all the way to the yard (through a bus, two trains and a ship across the Elbe).

Enrique

The stupid things we do | I'm glad that I could inspire you, Jack

Claudia Iglesias — Sun, 21 Sep 2003 23:58:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Claudia Iglesias
Post title: I'm glad that I could inspire you, Jack

but suddenly I feel ashamed as many more people are going to read this ;-)
[img] [url removed] [/img]

The stupid things we do

Jack Doughty — Sun, 21 Sep 2003 19:54:00 +0000

Forum: Off topic
Topic: The stupid things we do
Poster: Jack Doughty

Claudia, I liked your opening post in the topic "A propos d'tourderies" in the French forum so much that I translated it into English to show it to my wife. There are some other very amusing stories in that topic too.
Then I thought, why not give it wider circulation?
So to start it off, here is what Claudia Iglesias said:

About doing stupid things

I could make a long list of them. Once I was preparing the feed bowls for my canaries; I have several cages, from which I take out the feed bowls, fill them on the table and put them back in the cages. But one day, instead of putting one feed bowl in its cage, I opened the washing machine and emptied it into there, as if it were the washing powder, don't ask me why.

And I think this must be a record - no doubt you'll tell me if it isn't. On two occasions, I asked the way from a blind man, once in London and once in Buenos Aires. They did give me good directions, but when I realised what I'd done, I wasn't proud of myself.

And finally (though I have more of them): one evening, I was undressing my three-year-old daughter for her bath, and I noticed she was wearing pants which weren't hers. I asked her: "What happened, darling, did you pee in your pants?" She stared at me and said accusingly: "It was you who didn't put my pants on this morning!" I had just slipped her dress on and that was all, but at school, she'd started dancing.

OK, so having started this thing, I'd better contribute something myself.

A long time ago, when I was an engine fitter in the Royal Air Force, I had to drain a tank of de-icing fluid from an aircraft. The tank was above my head so I was unscrewing the drain plug from below. When the plug finally came out, my head was directly under it, so my hair got soaked in de-icing fluid, and stood up in spikes for days afterwards.

[Edited at 2003-09-21 20:03]