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attribution
président (SAS)
Dec 17, 2003 03:10
20 yrs ago
French term

poetic phrase

French to English Art/Literary
The following sentence has me flummoxed. Any ideas? This should get your creative juices flowing!

"Je me sens dans cette condition au sommet qui transforme le regard
qui jaillit sur une rupture"

Here's the context:

J'habite un pays de frontière près du grand océan qui m'a appris à distinguer les soirs
et autres à venir.
Je me sens dans cette condition au sommet qui transforme le regard
qui jaillit sur une rupture et qui me donne la sensation
que ma terre est assaillie par les assauts répétés de nos imprudences.
Cela agite mon esprit et me projette vers l¹ailleurs,
vers les lendemains d¹inquiétude pour les générations à venir.

Thanks, Karen
Proposed translations (English)
3 +1 another version
3 I feel in that condition at the summit which transforms one's outlook, which propels one toward a sp
3 I feel suffused by this summit vision which transforms perspectives which brings forth a severing...
2 -1 I find myself gushed forth to a peak where my gaze is transfixed by a slash of nature

Proposed translations

+1
4 hrs
Selected

another version

I think it's "le regard qui jaillit sur une rupture" that's transformed by going up the mountain. "La rupture" would be the break in continuity of the field of the vision caused by some obstacle (such as the mountain itself). Once at the peak, the viewer's field of vision would be continuous (likes somebody looking out over the ocean).


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Note added at 5 hrs 0 min (2003-12-17 08:11:06 GMT)
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Such is my state of mind on the peak that transforms a gaze
that breaks upon an obstacle,

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Note added at 8 hrs 3 mins (2003-12-17 11:14:47 GMT)
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Poems can never be pinned down to one simple meaning, and that is their whole value, but here\'s one possible political interpretation:
The speaker lives near the ocean with a cliff on one side, and s/he\'s always felt that all the dangers of invasion came from abroad. Having \"climbed to the top of the cliff\", s/he can see that are just as many dangers to the people on the home front, largely brought about by themselves (nos imprudences).

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Note added at 11 hrs 3 mins (2003-12-17 14:14:17 GMT)
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As far as the style of the poem goes, I\'d say it\'s definitely in the style of \"l\'écriture blanche\" of Camus, i.e. deliberately close to ordinary speech, devoid of the typical flowery ornaments of \"precious poetry\", which got such a bad rap by the existentialists.
Peer comment(s):
agree Tony M : Yes, I was thinking just the same. And depending on the wider context, might this be figurative for a different kind of 'rupture' -- a break-up (of relationship, for example)?
1 hr
Maybe on one level, but I think it's very social: pays, nos imprudences, generations à venir...Not your typical lyric poem concerned with a single couple.
neutral Emérentienne : c'est dommage que state of mind ne rende pas compte de la sensation
2 hrs
That's my translation of "condition" (referring back to the first sentence)
neutral French2English : William seems to have the best understanding of what's involved, but the English still doesn't really work - it lacks the poetry of the original. This sort of sentence should take a good translator about a week...
5 hrs
You're obviously not a native speaker of English so I don't what makes you so such a great judge of English style.
Something went wrong...
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer. Comment: "Thanks for your thorough answer, William. You gave me a much better understanding of the phrase, though I'll have to play around with the wording. I agree that it could be open to a number of interpretations. And I agree with the comment that this could take a week to translate! Unfortunately, it's due today. Poetry must be the hardest type of text to translate. Karen "
-1
18 mins

I find myself gushed forth to a peak where my gaze is transfixed by a slash of nature

Huge liberties taken, and I'm thinking of Sigourney Weaver's view of the Andean Pacific in 'Death and the Maiden'

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Note added at 2003-12-17 03:45:48 (GMT)
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(this is just a spontaneous suggestion, not any kind of quote from the original play or screenplay)
Peer comment(s):
disagree French2English : ...for which we are all thankful! This English sentence is meaningless and totally unpoetic...
10 hrs
which coming from a 4-point pharmaceutical-language specialist speaking on behalf of the entire world, I take as a compliment
Something went wrong...
1 hr

I feel in that condition at the summit which transforms one's outlook, which propels one toward a sp

which propels one toward a split...
Although "jaillir" has many meanings, I felt that "propel toward" conveyed both the sense of "surging forth" and "fusing with" inherent in this verb.

I put "split" for "rupture", because the writer's cultural feelings seem
similar to those of someone who is about to break off a relationship.

Is there meant to be a comma after "le regard"??
Something went wrong...
7 hrs

I feel suffused by this summit vision which transforms perspectives which brings forth a severing...

parti pris de la vision pour condition et d'une approche figurative du sommet qui me parait plus près du texte.
Peer comment(s):
neutral French2English : too many 'whiches'
3 hrs
Something went wrong...