Jan 9, 2008 12:26
16 yrs ago
English term
DELVING into DETAIL
Native in: Russian 
Works in: English to Russian, Russian, Russian to English, and 2 more.
(away) from
English
Art/Literary
Poetry & Literature
children's literature
Even before it fell to the ground, I heard the sound of wings and had to hide quickly. A few gigantic birds landed all but two steps (away) from me.
Dear native English speakers!
Please advise if it's better to use "away" here, or should I leave it as it is?
P.S. This is my translation of a Russian story for children.
Dear native English speakers!
Please advise if it's better to use "away" here, or should I leave it as it is?
P.S. This is my translation of a Russian story for children.
Responses
| 4 +10 | -suggestion below- |
Paula Vaz-Carreiro
|
| 5 +4 | from |
Gina Ferlisi
|
| 4 -2 | beside me |
Amira El-Wattar
|
Responses
+10
10 mins
Paula Vaz-Carreiro
Native in English
&
English
Specializes in field
Benchmark Translations
Native in: Portuguese , English
Works in: Portuguese, English to Portuguese, Portuguese to English, and 1 more.
Related KudoZ points
:
48
Selected
-suggestion below-
Either would be alright, I think Andrew, but with or without 'away' the sentence doesn't flow well IMO.
Although I usually like the construction "all but" (as in: a few birds gigantic birds landed so close that they all but collided with me), however, I don't think it works well here when you are trying to say that they landed very, very close.
Personally, I'd prefer:
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps from me.
OR
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps away from me.
HTH
Although I usually like the construction "all but" (as in: a few birds gigantic birds landed so close that they all but collided with me), however, I don't think it works well here when you are trying to say that they landed very, very close.
Personally, I'd prefer:
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps from me.
OR
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps away from me.
HTH
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
Carol Gullidge
: barely two steps away somehow seems an improvement (?)
20 mins
|
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Thanks Carol. And yes I agree "barely" is a lovely improvement on "only": A few gigantic birds landed barely two steps away from me."
|
|
| agree |
cmwilliams (X)
: yes, I prefer 'only' but I also like Carol's suggestion.
27 mins
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Do you?! I like 'barely' :-) Thanks CM
|
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| agree |
Arcoiris
: Barely two steps... You should post it, Carol, and get the points ! ;-)
37 mins
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Thanks A.
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| agree |
Mark Nathan
55 mins
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Thanks Mark
|
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| agree |
Patricia Townshend (X)
: Agree with Carol too
1 hr
|
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Thanks Patricia :-)
|
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| agree |
kmtext
: only or barely are both more natural than the original.
2 hrs
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Thanks K., that's what I think too :-)
|
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| agree |
orientalhorizon
13 hrs
|
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Thansk O.
|
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| agree |
Grace Anderson
19 hrs
|
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Thanks Grace
|
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| agree |
Alfa Trans (X)
2 days 1 hr
|
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Thanks Marju
|
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| agree |
V_Nedkov
: w/carol
2 days 11 hrs
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Thanks V.
|
4 KudoZ points awarded for this answer.
Comment: "Thanks everybody!!!"
-2
2 mins
Amira El-Wattar
Native in English
&
English
Works in field
Translate- Connect- Acquaint
Native in: English , Arabic
Works in: Arabic to English, English to Arabic, German to Arabic, and 3 more.
beside me
You could use away from me ..but beside me could work better
Peer comment(s):
| disagree |
Carol Gullidge
: sorry, but two steps beside me doesn't work in English!
22 mins
|
| disagree |
Arcoiris
: agree with Carol
40 mins
|
+4
3 mins
Gina Ferlisi
Native in English
&
English
25yr+ Finance, Legal,Gaming, Software
Native in: English (Variant: UK) , Italian
Works in: Italian to English, English to Italian, English
from
"from me " sounds better than away from me ..
Note from asker:
| To Carol: Okay, thank you, but what different meaning does "Two steps away" have, then? |
Peer comment(s):
| agree |
Jack Doughty
2 mins
|
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thanks jack
|
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| agree |
Carol Gullidge
: definitely! "Two steps away" has quite a different meaning...//although, funnily enough, "barely two steps away" would be fine!
24 mins
|
| agree |
Dana Rinaldi
1 hr
|
| agree |
orientalhorizon
13 hrs
|
Discussion