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(away) from

English translation: -suggestion below-

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12:26 Jan 9, 2008
English to English translations [PRO]
Art/Literary - Poetry & Literature / children's literature
English term or phrase: (away) from
Even before it fell to the ground, I heard the sound of wings and had to hide quickly. A few gigantic birds landed all but two steps (away) from me.

Dear native English speakers!
Please advise if it's better to use "away" here, or should I leave it as it is?
P.S. This is my translation of a Russian story for children.
Andrew Vdovin
Local time: 13:11
English translation:-suggestion below-
Explanation:
Either would be alright, I think Andrew, but with or without 'away' the sentence doesn't flow well IMO.

Although I usually like the construction "all but" (as in: a few birds gigantic birds landed so close that they all but collided with me), however, I don't think it works well here when you are trying to say that they landed very, very close.

Personally, I'd prefer:
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps from me.
OR
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps away from me.

HTH
Selected response from:

Paula Vaz-Carreiro
Local time: 07:11
Grading comment
Thanks everybody!!!
4 KudoZ points were awarded for this answer

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Summary of answers provided
4 +10-suggestion below-
Paula Vaz-Carreiro
5 +4from
Gina Ferlisi
4 -2beside meAmira El-Wattar


Discussion entries: 2





  

Answers


2 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): -2
beside me


Explanation:
You could use away from me ..but beside me could work better

Amira El-Wattar
Local time: 08:11
Works in field
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in ArabicArabic

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
disagree  Carol Gullidge: sorry, but two steps beside me doesn't work in English!
22 mins

disagree  Arcoiris: agree with Carol
40 mins
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3 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 5/5 peer agreement (net): +4
from


Explanation:
"from me " sounds better than away from me ..

Gina Ferlisi
Italy
Local time: 08:11
Native speaker of: Native in EnglishEnglish, Native in ItalianItalian
Notes to answerer
Asker: To Carol: Okay, thank you, but what different meaning does "Two steps away" have, then?


Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Jack Doughty
2 mins
  -> thanks jack

agree  Carol Gullidge: definitely! "Two steps away" has quite a different meaning...//although, funnily enough, "barely two steps away" would be fine!
24 mins

agree  Dana Rinaldi
1 hr

agree  orientalhorizon
13 hrs
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10 mins   confidence: Answerer confidence 4/5Answerer confidence 4/5 peer agreement (net): +10
-suggestion below-


Explanation:
Either would be alright, I think Andrew, but with or without 'away' the sentence doesn't flow well IMO.

Although I usually like the construction "all but" (as in: a few birds gigantic birds landed so close that they all but collided with me), however, I don't think it works well here when you are trying to say that they landed very, very close.

Personally, I'd prefer:
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps from me.
OR
A few gigantic birds landed only two steps away from me.

HTH

Paula Vaz-Carreiro
Local time: 07:11
Specializes in field
Native speaker of: Native in PortuguesePortuguese, Native in EnglishEnglish
PRO pts in category: 48
Grading comment
Thanks everybody!!!

Peer comments on this answer (and responses from the answerer)
agree  Carol Gullidge: barely two steps away somehow seems an improvement (?)
20 mins
  -> Thanks Carol. And yes I agree "barely" is a lovely improvement on "only": A few gigantic birds landed barely two steps away from me."

agree  xxxcmwilliams: yes, I prefer 'only' but I also like Carol's suggestion.
27 mins
  -> Do you?! I like 'barely' :-) Thanks CM

agree  Arcoiris: Barely two steps... You should post it, Carol, and get the points ! ;-)
37 mins
  -> Thanks A.

agree  Mark Nathan
55 mins
  -> Thanks Mark

agree  Patricia Townshend: Agree with Carol too
1 hr
  -> Thanks Patricia :-)

agree  kmtext: only or barely are both more natural than the original.
2 hrs
  -> Thanks K., that's what I think too :-)

agree  orientalhorizon
13 hrs
  -> Thansk O.

agree  Grace Anderson
19 hrs
  -> Thanks Grace

agree  xxxAlfa Trans
2 days1 hr
  -> Thanks Marju

agree  V_N: w/carol
2 days11 hrs
  -> Thanks V.
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