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I find it difficult to understand the meaning of the phrase “Having been conscious in adult contexts for this activity in my mother” taken from the passage below, in which a therapist writes about his childhood and about his mother’s behavior towards him.
I thought the author was saying that he has become fully aware of his mother’s behavior once he had become an adult, but I'm not sure that's a right interpretation because of the use of “conscious...for”; if it were to mean "aware", shouldn’t it be “conscious of”?
Thank you so much for your help!
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I can see that in my family of origin I was overwhelmed and deeply shamed by the repetitive outbursts of my frustrated mother, who – unable to manage her own anxieties and also respond to the challenges of parenting a precocious child – turned to gross shaming as a solution to clear any threats to her stability and to establish her dominance. *** Having been conscious in adult contexts for this activity in my mother ***, I can still see with my mind’s eye the sneer of contempt, as in “How could you be so stupid?” or “Who would do such a thing?” or “You lousy rotten kid,” in moments when she was not her usual loving self and lapsed into self-protective modes of living.