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2014 annual ProZ.com translation contest: "Celebrations" » Russian to English

Competition in this pair is now closed, and the winning entry has been announced.

Discussion and feedback about the competition in this language pair may now be provided by visiting the "Discussion & feedback" page for this pair. Entries may also be individually discussed by clicking the "Discuss" link next to any listed entry.
 
 

Source text in Russian

... Издали, в лесном коридоре, оно показалось веселое и нарядное, сияющее необыкновенно чистой и ровной желтизной. Я подошел поближе: это было заброшенное поле, давно не паханное и не сеянное, и теперь густо заросшее какими-то невысокими растениями-кустиками. От них вдруг дохнуло приятным горьковато-цветочным ароматом. «Да это сурепка, — вспомнил я когда-то читанный ботанический атлас, — что-то вроде сорняка...».

Свежий ветер пробежал над живым ковром, все поле заиграло и запереливалось золотистыми волнами, которые докатывались до затененной солнцем стены леса, образуя удивительный контраст темно-зеленого и ярко-желтого. «Будто драгоценная чаша в малахитовой оправе» — мелькнуло сравнение.
Высоко в знойном июньском небе парил коршун. Жара предвещала грозу. Над западной частью горизонта уже темнела громадная туча, набухая дождем. И только в зените неровные, быстро смещающиеся края облаков ослепительно сверкали расплавленным серебром, источая нестерпимый свет. Ветер усиливался, все соцветия сурепки быстро раскачивались, будто исполняя какой-то экзотический танец.

Звенело, страстно и не переставая, множество невидимых глазу жаворонков. Будто перед грозой пели и цветы, и лес, и это далекое от человеческих селений поле. Но вот теплые серые комочки упали откуда-то с неба и зависли над кустиками золотистой сурепки. Некоторые жаворонки вились над самым полем, перепархивая от цветка к цветку и наполняя окраину неумолчным пилением. Другие, часто трепеща крылышками, поднимались вертикально и зависали метрах в четырех-пяти над землей и также громко славили жизнь.

Предгрозовые облака громоздились по всему небу, кое-где иссиня-розоватые, будто раскаленные изнутри, и я увидел, что над лесом осталось лишь небольшое голубоватое окно, из которого прямым широким водопадом прорывались к земле лучи, заливая теплым мягким светом все летнее благоухающее цветение. А в напряженном, наполненном электричеством воздухе беззвучно бушевала метель из летящего вокруг осинового пуха. Но вот где-то оглушительно ударил гром, и первые крупные капли дождя шумно хлестанули по золоту цветов сурепки. В тот миг, когда пришел ливень, вдруг показалось, что вся живая природа свободно и облегченно вздохнула, что все деревья, растения, птицы и звери обрадовались сверкающему, всполошному, сотканному из толстых водяных струй, дождю.

До нитки промокший, один среди затуманенного и вдруг притихшего, словно бы придавленного стихией поля, я также молча наслаждался упоительным счастьем человека, которому один, от силы два раза в году дано увидеть и ощутить прекрасное смятение в природе.

The winning entry has been announced in this pair.

There were 24 entries submitted in this pair during the submission phase, 7 of which were selected by peers to advance to the finals round. The winning entry was determined based on finals round voting by peers.

Competition in this pair is now closed.


Entries (24 total; 7 finalists) Expand all entries

Filter entries
Language variants:
Entry #20683 — Discuss 0 — Variant: British
Winner
Voting points1st2nd3rd
479 x44 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry4.014.13 (8 ratings)3.88 (8 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 5 users entered 8 "like" tags
  • 2 users agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
+1
which had been neither ploughed nor sown for a long time
Flows well
K2tona
+1
low plants
Good term selection
Alistair Gainey
It is like a precious cup mounted on a malachite base.”
Flows well
Ellochka
The ominous clouds towered over the whole sky
Flows well
K2tona
Meanwhile, in the tense, electrified air, a silent storm raged as downy aspen fluff flew all around.
Flows well
Well said
Elizabeth Kulikov
At that very moment when the downpour began, it suddenly seemed as if every living thing was now freely sighing with relief
Flows well
K2tona
and alone in the hazy and instantly quiet meadow
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #21779 — Discuss 0 — Variant: British
Huw Davies
Huw Davies
United Kingdom
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
366 x44 x24 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry4.224.17 (12 ratings)4.27 (11 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 8 users entered 11 "like" tags
  • 6 users agreed with "likes" (17 total agrees)
  • 4 users disagreed with "likes" (5 total disagrees)
-1
+3
1
had lain untouched
Flows well
A bit free​, but read​s much bet​ter than t​he alterna​tives offe​red here
NCristina
-2
+4
1
That must be
Good term selection
Vanda Nissen
-1
+1
1
field was bathed
Flows well
K2tona
+3
1
mused.
Good term selection
Helen Hagon
+2
1
to gyrate in the breeze
Good term selection
NCristina
a bevy of larks
Flows well
Darias77
+1
out of sight
Other
good to av​oid "invis​ible"
John Kuti
+2
And in the tense, electrified air, the down from the aspen trees floated in circles, forming a snowstorm which raged silently.
Flows well
Well said
Elizabeth Kulikov
all of the flora and fauna
Flows well
nice solut​ion to avo​id enumera​tion and w​ordiness
Darias77
as if overwhelmed by the elements
Flows well
NCristina
-1
+1
2
beautiful state of excited arousal
Good term selection
Lisa McDowell
Entry #18703 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
275 x43 x21 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.883.75 (8 ratings)4.00 (8 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 3 "like" tags
  • 3 users agreed with "likes" (6 total agrees)
+2
festive
Good term selection
Elena Kirillova (X)
+2
presaged
Good term selection
Vanda Nissen
+2
paeans to life
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #19697 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
255 x41 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.933.57 (7 ratings)4.29 (7 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 3 "like" tags
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (2 total disagrees)
already looming over the western part
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
burning hot from the inside
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
I was likewise relishing the intoxicating glee of a man who is given, once or twice a year at most, the chance to see and feel the delightful perturbation of nature.
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #21377 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
182 x44 x22 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry4.004.00 (6 ratings)4.00 (5 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 7 "like" tags
  • 1 user agreed with "likes" (3 total agrees)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (4 total disagrees)
-1
cheerful and elegant
Flows well
K2tona
+1
skimmed over
Flows well
steveb1
+1
A bevy of invisible larks struck up a passionate, never-ending song
Flows well
K2tona
-1
in various places they were pink tinged with dark blue, as if lit from within.
Flows well
K2tona
-1
In the strained, electrified air, a snowstorm of aspen down, flying in circles, silently raged.
Flows well
Well said
Elizabeth Kulikov
-1
1
thrashed
Flows well
K2tona
+1
rejoiced in the sparkling, rousing rain
Flows well
good choic​e, but I w​ould sugge​st using r​ejoice at
K2tona
Entry #18076 — Discuss 0 — Variant: British
steveb1
steveb1
United Kingdom
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
1104 x23 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.954.10 (10 ratings)3.80 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 4 users entered 6 "like" tags
  • 3 users agreed with "likes" (4 total agrees)
  • 5 users disagreed with "likes" (5 total disagrees)
-4
+2
4
jolly and dapper
Flows well
Helen Hagon
Like a precious goblet with a malachite rim
Good term selection
I think th​is is the ​closest tr​anslation ​of them al​l for this​ phrase.
Kristin Svidersky
+1
cloud was already hanging black and swollen with rain
Flows well
K2tona
unseen
Other
good to av​oid "invis​ible"
John Kuti
-1
1
vehemently
Flows well
Helen Hagon
+1
lauded life
Flows well
Helen Hagon
Entry #21182 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Finalist
Voting points1st2nd3rd
142 x41 x24 x1
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.923.92 (12 ratings)3.92 (12 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 7 "like" tags
  • 3 users disagreed with "likes" (5 total disagrees)
-1
1
A whiff of pungent flowery scent
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
live carpet
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
formed an amazing contrast
Flows well
K2tona
precious bowl clad in malachite,” a thought went through my mind.
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
The wind grew stronger and charlock blossoms were swaying fast in some exotic dance.
Flows well
K2tona
-1
Stormy clouds were heaping all over the sky
Flows well
K2tona
which the sunrays poured straight onto the earth and covered fragrant summer blooms with soft light.
Flows well
K2tona


Non-finalist entries

The following entries were not selected by peers to advance to finals-round voting.

Entry #21529 — Discuss 0 — Variant: British
Sean Jinks
Sean Jinks
United Kingdom
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.713.75 (8 ratings)3.67 (6 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 4 users entered 5 "like" tags
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
fleetingly akin
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
kite
Good term selection
A Kite is ​a bird of ​prey as we​ll as a fl​ying toy
Peter Skipp
scrappy, rapidly-shifting cloud edges still sparkled blindingly with the unbearable light of molten silver
Good term selection
very nicel​y said
Sarah McDowell
burning up from within
Other
well said
Sarah McDowell
lashed
Good term selection
Susan Welsh
Entry #19681 — Discuss 0 — Variant: US
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.653.50 (6 ratings)3.80 (5 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 5 "like" tags
  • 1 user agreed with "likes" (1 total agree)
spilled over
Flows well
Helen Hagon
It's like a golden cup in a malachite setting"
Flows well
Gaskell
extolling life
Flows well
Helen Hagon
agitation of nature.
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #19634 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Ksenia Durova
Ksenia Durova
United States
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.633.75 (4 ratings)3.50 (4 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 2 "like" tags
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
-1
1
their rugged shifting edges glared like melted silver and exuded an unbearable light
Flows well
K2tona
the elements
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #17383 — Discuss 0 — Variant: British
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.603.60 (10 ratings)3.60 (10 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • No "like" tags
Entry #17104 — Discuss 0 — Variant: US
AndrewZelits (X)
AndrewZelits (X)
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.593.67 (6 ratings)3.50 (6 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 3 users entered 5 "like" tags
  • 2 users agreed with "likes" (2 total agrees)
+1
long lain fallow,
Flows well
K2tona
+1
Ominous clouds piled up throughout the sky
Flows well
K2tona
as if glowing from within
Flows well
Helen Hagon
And a blizzard of flying aspen fluff swirled silently in the thick, electrically charged air
Flows well
Well said
Elizabeth Kulikov
tumult
Good term selection
Helen Hagon
Entry #17270 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Ella Gokhmark
Ella Gokhmark
Australia
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry3.373.44 (9 ratings)3.29 (7 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 3 "like" tags
  • 1 user agreed with "likes" (1 total agree)
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
+1
1
It appeared in the distance, in a forest alley, joyful and elegant, glistening with clean and silken yellowness.
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
It must be bittercress,
Flows well
K2tona
having read a botanical atlas at some point, sort of weed...
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #20447 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
petebenson
petebenson
United States
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry2.962.63 (8 ratings)3.29 (7 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 2 users entered 7 "like" tags
A pleasant and somewhat bitter flower aroma suddenly wafted over from them
Flows well
K2tona
And only directly overhead, uneven, rapidly intermingling edges of clouds sparkled dazzlingly with molten silver, giving off an unbearable light.
Flows well
K2tona
A multitude of larks, invisible to the eye, passionately and ceaselessly
Flows well
K2tona
The forerunner storm clouds towered through the whole sky
Flows well
K2tona
In the tense, electrically charged air a blizzard of flying aspen
Flows well
K2tona
animals were rejoicing in the sparkling, all-encompassing, thick watery braids of rain.
Flows well
K2tona
to whom it has been given
Good term selection
Susan Welsh
Entry #20197 — Discuss 0 — Variant: US
Vassilisa70
Vassilisa70
United States
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry2.932.86 (7 ratings)3.00 (5 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 4 "like" tags
  • 1 user disagreed with "likes" (1 total disagree)
blizzard of airborne aspen fluff
Flows well
K2tona
deafening thunderbolt struck somewhere and the first large raindrops noisily slapped the gold of the colza blossoms
Flows well
K2tona
-1
1
Drenched to the skin, alone in the veiled and suddenly quieted, as if subdued by the elements, field,
Flows well
K2tona
wonderful turmoil of nature
Flows well
K2tona
Entry #20101 — Discuss 0 — Variant: Not specified
Rating typeOverallQualityAccuracy
Entry2.802.43 (7 ratings)3.17 (6 ratings)
Entry tagging:
 
 
  • 1 user entered 7 "like" tags
in a strip of land amidst the forest,
Flows well
K2tona
appeared cheerful and elegan
Flows well
K2tona
fascinating contrast
Flows well
K2tona
a harbinger of thunderstorm
Flows well
K2tona
Pre-storm clouds piled up all over the sky, here and there pinkish with a bluish tint, as though red-hot from within, and I noticed that only a small bluish window remained over the forest.
Flows well
K2tona
like a direct wide waterfall, forced their way to the ground flooding all summer fragrant blossoming
Flows well
K2tona
beautiful excitement in the nature.
Flows well
K2tona